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Like it was stuck on that road, clinging to the desperate need to save her.
And every time she closed her eyes to sleep, she was right back there, pressing her hands into the wet bloody fabric, hoping and praying for someone to come.
Maddie’s hand drifted from the metal bar to Saff’s shoulder, feeling the warmth of her body—thelife.
Saff’s hand brushed over hers, giving it a gentle squeeze of reassurance, the same way it had over the past few days. And although they hadn’t talked about it, she knew Saff could guess at how she was feeling. She showed it each and every time she let Maddie’s hands drift over her neck and chest, needing to feel her heartbeat—the proof of her existence—over and over again.
“They do runs to shore every couple weeks,” Josh continued. “It’s mostly the military personnel that go, but I think I’ll go with them on the next one. You can come too, when you’re healed and walking again.”
Maddie tried to hide the way her body stiffened at that—at the thought of Saff going back out there. But she knew she’d failed when Saff’s hand squeezed hers again.
“Yeah,” Saff answered. “Maybe.”
They walked another few paces before Josh said, “Hey, is it cool if you guys wait here for a few minutes? I want to go check in on the dock real quick while we’re here.”
“Yeah, sure,” Saff replied.
Maddie listened to his steps padding away in the thick grass.
“You okay?” Saff asked after a moment of silence.
She swallowed. “Are you going to do it?”
“Do what?”
“Go out there again,” Maddie whispered, trying to make her voice sound stronger than it felt.
Saff went quiet. And each second felt like a torturous eternity.
“I don’t know.”
Maddie’s jaw tightened as she bit the inside of her cheek, the now familiar anxiety rising once again in her chest.
Saff sighed softly. “You don’t want me to,” she said, in a way that was more statement than question.
Maddie stayed quiet for a moment, for the first time in her life afraid of what she felt—what words might come out.
“I—“ she started, her throat tight. Then she shook her head. “It’s your choice.”
A few beats of silence passed before Saff finally spoke. “I know you’re scared,” she said carefully. “But I’ll be okay.”
Maddie’s jaw clenched hard as she bit out, “That’s what you said the last time.”
Saff let out a breath. “I know, and I know you—“
Maddie shook her head again. “No,” she said, anger now replacing the anxiety. “You have no idea.”
Saff fell quiet, and Maddie couldn’t stop the next words as they tumbled out.
“You have no idea what it was like to—“ her voice broke, and she closed her mouth, trying to keep the newly formed tears at bay. “You don’t know what it was like to feel you—slipping away.” Her mouth quivered, but she pressed on. “And not be able to do anything about it.”
“Not be able to do anything?” Saff asked, repeating the words. “You—you dideverything.”
Maddie wiped the tears from her face before Saff took her hand, then rested the other on her hip, pulling her body closer.
“You,” Saff continued, the words careful and precise, “are the reason I’m still breathing right now.”
Maddie let out a soft sob. “I—I thought you were going to die,” she choked out, her body shaking uncontrollably with each word.