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Guilt? Fear?
And then, as quickly as it had come, it was gone.
“All you had to do was stay where you were,” Saff continued, the rage suddenly returning in full force.
But it was too late. Hearing whatever that was in Saff’s voice had broken through her fury. The anger Maddie had felt just seconds before faltered.
And something hidden in the words they’d both hurled at each other tugged at the back of her mind. Something that she hadn’t been able to figure out.
“Why did you tell me the truth?” Maddie asked, her voice void of its previous violence.
Saff ignored her, continuing on as if she hadn’t said anything at all. “You just had to stay there and not go try to be a hero. You just had to keep yourself safe.”
Saff was practically yelling now, and Maddie could feel her hot breath lashing her cheeks.
She wanted to be mad. She wanted to yell back and release every ounce of frustration she’d felt over the last two days. But she couldn’t, as that one question circled in her mind.
Why had Saff chosen to tell her the truth then?
What had changed?
“Sarah,” Maddie whispered. “You blamed yourself for what happened.”
Saff went quiet for a moment before growling dangerously, “Do not pretend to know how I felt that day.”
Maddie’s mind was reeling, replaying the events of that day. Every word Saff had said, and how she’d said it. She could’ve left without ever telling her the truth, and she never would’ve known.
But she wanted her to know—neededher to know.
“Is that why you wanted to leave?” Maddie asked, her brain finally piecing it all together.
Saff was going to leave after what happened to Sarah, and she knew she’d try to convince her to stay. Especially after the kiss. Maddie would’ve tried to talk her out of it—to make her realize that Sarah’s death wasn’t her fault. She’d even tried to, but then—
Maddie blinked, her lips parting. “Is that why you finally told me?” she breathed, realization finally dawning on her. “You—you wanted me to hate you as much as you hated yourself?”
The words tumbled out so fast she almost hadn’t realized what she’d said until she’d heard them aloud—until Saff went silent for a single beat.
And that’s when she finally understood. When she saw everything for what it really was. When she saw the walls Saff had put up for what they really were.
“That’s why you did it,” she whispered, more to herself. “So that I wouldn’t try to stop you from leaving. So you wouldn’t feel guilty for walking away.”
“I told you the truth,” Saff growled, “because I was about to leave and it didn’t matter anymore.”
It was a lie. She could hear it in the way she forced each word out.
Itdidmatter. That was exactly why she’d told her.
And that’s why she was so mad at her for risking her life and going into that burning building.
She didn’t think she was worth it. She didn’t think she deserved to be saved.
Maddie waited a beat before stepping forward into her space.
“Don’t,” Saff warned, and Maddie wavered for a split second, the sound reminding her of the day they first met. The day Saff’s voice had sounded like danger, like something she should stay away from, not run toward.
And yet, now the warning sounded more like a challenge.
She moved farther forward until her front met Saff’s.