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“You fucking coward—“ He reached for the gun.
Was it him yelling? Or were those her own screams?
Were they—
Saff jumped, her eyes flying open as her body lurched forward.
“Hey—hey it’s okay.”
She blinked, slowly taking in the room around her before noticing the gentle hand wrapped around one of her own.
Maddie perched on the bed beside her, wet hair draped messily over her shoulders.
Saff stilled as Maddie’s hand trailed up her shoulder, onto her sweat soaked neck.
“Sorry,” she muttered, her dry throat like sandpaper scraping against itself.
Maddie frowned, giving her hand a light squeeze. “Don’t be.”
Saff pushed herself back on the bed until she felt the wall behind her.
She tilted her head back, inhaling a deep breath as the last of her father’s voice echoed through her head.
The bed dipped in front of her, and when she opened her eyes, Maddie was sitting with her legs crossed, facing her.
“What was it about?” Maddie asked softly, her hand reaching forward to rest on her leg.
Saff stared at the hand, its thumb brushing delicate circles against her thigh.
She blinked a few times, unsure of how to answer. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to—it was just that there weren’t words thatcould describe it. Or at least, the ones she thought of didn’t do it the right way.
The seconds ticked on, while her brain and mouth remained frozen.
“Have you always had them?” Maddie finally asked.
Saff looked up at her again. That was one of the things she liked about talking to her. She never seemed disappointed or frustrated if she left certain questions unanswered.
“Yeah,” Saff finally replied, clearing her throat.
Maddie nodded, and Saff looked away, holding her hands in tight fists to keep from fidgeting. But something about the way Maddie looked, her patience, her calm, made her want to continue. So she did.
“They got better for a while,” she said, clearing her throat again, more out of habit than actual need. “When I was in college. And after that, too.”
She actually hadn’t thought about it much until that moment, but it was true. They had gotten better for a while. But then, after the outbreak—after her father had found her—they started again.
Maddie tilted her head slightly back, as if the words were seeping into her. “Do you remember when they started?”
Saff thought about it for a moment. It was definitely when she was young. But there wasn’t an exact time that stood out when they started. Maybe some time after her mother had left.
She shook her head. “No.”
“When did they get worse again?”
Saff shifted slightly, turning away. That she did know.
She cleared her throat, annoyed as she became all too aware of the nervous habit. “After my father died.”
Maddie nodded slowly, her lips tightening.