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It felt so odd talking about it—him—aloud with anyone. Especially his death.
After he’d died, none of his friends or the group cared to hear much about it. She told them he’d been bit, and that was it. There wasn’t time to mourn, although she doubted any of them really would have, anyway. They just weren’t like that. And she wasn’t either, least of all for him.
But now, talking about it with Maddie, it felt different than she expected it to. It definitely didn’t feel good, but it also didn’t feel all that terrible.
Then again, everything with Maddie seemed to be better than she expected.
Her eyes flicked down to Maddie’s hand, still resting on her thigh. She wanted to touch it, to hold it, to keep it there.
Then the image of the nightmare flashed back into her mind. Her father’s face contorted in rage. And she could hear his voice once again.
Don’t be stupid.
Survive.
The words he’d hurled at her right before she pulled the trigger fought their way back into her mind.
She shook her head, pushing herself up and swinging her legs off the bed. Maddie flinched slightly beside her, hand falling from her thigh onto the bed.
“Its late,” Saff muttered. “I’m surprised no one is back yet.”
Maddie turned, shifting to the edge of the bed. “Josh came back a little while ago, but you were still asleep. I think they’ll be back soon, though.”
Saff nodded, hating that she’d slept through something like that. “I’ll wait out there.”
But before she could move, Maddie reached out, catching the fabric of the back of her shirt to stop her in place.
Saff froze, turning to look at her.
Maddie’s mouth had pressed into a thin line. Her eyes were darker than before, but they held a new stubbornness. “I want you to tell me.”
Saff cocked her head, watching her. “Tell you what?”
Maddie waited a beat, then said, “Everything. I want you to tell me everything that happened before. When you were..” she trailed off, leaving the last words unspoken. But Saff knew exactly what she was asking—what she wanted.
Maddie shifted closer to her, but released the hold on her shirt. “It’s your choice, obviously. You can just walk away without ever telling me—or anyone. But before you do, you should at least know that I—“ She loosed a breath. “I want to hear it. All of it.”
Saff watched the way her eyes flickered, her hand resting on the bed as if aching to touch her again. And she realized in that moment that maybe she’d never again be able to deny Maddie of anything. That at some point, maybe even right from the start, Maddie had some hold on her. And deep down, she’d always want to give her anything—everything—she asked for.
Saff released a breath, turning away. Then, slowly, she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees.
“I never planned to go with him—them—after the outbreak.”
Maddie went still behind her, as if she was surprised she was telling her. Then she moved forward on the bed, letting her legs down until she sat on the edge right beside her, their knees barely touching.
Saff waited a beat, watching Maddie settle, before she continued.
“When it all started, I stayed at the hospital, trying to help anyone that came.” She cleared her throat, raising her chin and staring at the wall as the memories came back to her. “After the first two days, I realized it was over. The way things were before, there was just—no going back.”
She inhaled a deep breath. “The National Guard showed up on the first day to help, but they weren’t there for long. No one was.”
Maddie shifted beside her, and Saff wondered what memories were replaying in her own mind from those first days.
“And on the third day, he showed up. They all did.” She closed her eyes, remembering the shock she’d felt then after seeing him for the first time in years.
Saff went quiet, unsure of how to explain what happened next.
“So you,” Maddie said slowly, “you went with them?”