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This time, Saff’s eyes involuntarily snapped up, meeting her gaze the way her bullets usually met zombies.
“What?”
Sylvia stared at her, but she didn’t return the glare. “Was it your fault they didn’t make it?”
It wasn’t a question she was expecting.
Her mind reeled, and the ringing in her ears returned. Images of Sarah and the baby flashed through her mind. Images of Sarah’s limp body. The baby’s—
She shut her eyes, squeezing them until blackness and stars were the only things swimming in her vision.
And when she finally opened them again, all she could see was the light shapes of the blood on her forearms.
Imperfect, inefficient red petals.
Sylvia’s voice cleaved through the ringing in her ears. “I don’t know much about medicine, but I think you probably did the best you could with what you had.”
Saff blinked, her eyes still tracing the light lines of leftover blood on her arms.
“Saff.” Sylvia’s voice cut through the ringing again. This time louder—sharper.
Her eyes slid up, looking at the older woman. And for the first time, she could see the edges of exhaustion on her face. And she could see something else. Sadness, or some hint of remorse.
Maybe she’d underestimated how close she was to Sarah. Or maybe she just truly cared about the people living in the settlement.
“You did the best you could with what you had,” Sylvia said, and this time her voice was softer—much softer. “It’s not like before. We don’t have every piece of equipment or every medication. We just—“ she paused, and Saff watched her eyes bounce to the side, sorrow filling them. “We just do the best we can. All of us.” She cleared her throat, looking back at Saff. The hardness filling her features once more. “We all just do the best we can with what we have.”
She could tell that Sylvia was saying it for herself just as much as she was for her.
Saff released a breath, her eyes dropping back to the floor as the ringing in her ears finally diminished.
“So, again,” Sylvia continued, “what happened with Dean?”
Saff’s eyes rolled, and she shook her head slightly. “He’s an ass.”
Sylvia pressed her lips into a hard line. “And the knife?”
Saff lifted her gaze, glaring at the woman in front of her. “What did you expect after locking me up the second I arrived?”
The muscle in Sylvia’s jaw twitched. “I expected you to follow our rules, just like everyone else.”
“You throw everyone else in a cell right when they get here, too?” Saff growled back.
Sylvia met her glare with steely eyes but didn’t say anything. Silence fell upon them once again, and Saff refused to be the one to break it.
Finally, Sylvia let out a slow breath, as if willing herself to relax. “I watched you with Sarah,” she said, with a slight reluctance in her voice. Or maybe just lingering anger. “You’re good at what you do. You have the personality for it. And the skill.”
Saff watched her carefully as she spoke.
Sylvia cleared her throat and crossed her arms over her chest.
“We need someone trained in medicine here. We’ve gone too long without one, and it’s been—difficult.” Sylvia’s eyes bounced to the side before quickly returning. “You made a mistake today with Dean—with the knife. A big one. And that’s not something we take lightly.”
Saff’s jaw tightened.
“But we’re also realistic,” Sylvia continued. “And you have training that is in high demand in this world. It would be a shame to let that go to waste.”
Saff watched her, waiting for the words she knew would follow.