Page 65

strengthened or furthered our relationship was a result of

something I did or said. Like the first time we met at our

playground and I opened up to her about things I’d never

told anyone else, the first time I ever took initiative and felt

in control of anything in my life and convinced her to half

skinny dip with me when I invited her to model for me

and kissed her because the feelings grew too strong to

ignore when Father Robert’s sermon terrified me so badly

that I immediately ran to the bathroom to break her heart. Drew didn’t do anything to make me feel what I felt

for her. The only sin she was guilty of was being too easy

to fall in love with.

Loving her was the easy part. It was hiding how much

I loved her that was the hard part.

“Look, I know how much she means to ya. Everyone

has that old flame that they’ll never completely get over,

and she’s yours.” Thom adds, studying my face with an

empathetic look on his.

Thom was right about everything he said, except for

one part.

Drew wasn’t just an old flame, she was the whole

damn candle.

My biggest regret is blowing it out.

21

Drew

Finally, it feels like I’ve reached the end of scrolling. The

videos actually start to repeat, which only makes me feel worse to think I’ve gotten to the point that there are quite literally no brainless videos I haven’t seen.

This whole month I’ve been wallowing away in my room. Mom thinks it’s because of Roy’s unexpected arrival, and I don’t bother correcting her. After all, she is half right.

She and Roy have been arguing nonstop, and sometimes, only when I choose to listen in, I’m instantly transported back to when I was eight, and every day, there were nonstop screaming matches between them right before he left.

Luckily for me, my head is constantly stuck replaying the argument I had with Laine in the car, so I mostly drown out their voices now.

Since there’s nothing left to scroll on, I decide to do the next worst thing I could ever decide to do. My finger gravitates toward my photos app. I click on it, giving in to the urge I’ve been holding back from for weeks.