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Tears now fully stream down my face. I can’t keep it in anymore. I can’t hold in the months of feelings I’d kept stashed away. Feelings about the move. Feelings about my father. Feelings for Drew.

The air feels heavy, but not like the way it did when I half skinny-dipped and stargazed with Drew. This time, the air feels filled with a different kind of tension. The kind of tension that comes with unfavorable emotions. I rest my head in my hands as the tears flow, no longer caring how obnoxiously loud my sniffling is.

Suddenly, I hear a knock on the bathroom door. I let out a sigh of relief as I peek out of my stall to find the bathroom still empty. However, the knocking from the outside persists.

“Heya! You alright in there?” A man’s voice bellows.

I quickly wipe my tears and snot onto my sleeve and pick myself up when I recognize it’s Donovan’s voice.

“Donovan! What are you doing out there?” I shout hurriedly.

“I heard a shout and then some cryin’. Wanted to make sure everything was all right.”

I scurry to open the door. Grabbing the collar of his shirt, I pull him inside.

“Woah! What’s the matt-”

His eyes widen as I put my hand over his mouth, shoving him gently so his back is to the wall. I’m not sure what I’m going to tell him, but there’s no way I’m letting him go before I get my story straight. Especially not now that he’s seen me like this.

“Hey! What’s wrong with you? I can’t be in here! This is the girls’ room!” He whisper shouts immediately after I release my handfrom his mouth. He darts for the door, but I reach a hand out, holding the door closed.

“Listen, you can’t tell anyone you found me like this, okay?” I shake my finger in his face.

He puts his thumb and pointer finger together and pulls them across his lips.

“I won’t tell a soul, I promise. I’m a man of my word.” I’m slightly surprised, although terribly thankful, by how reluctant he is. “Now, are you gon’ let me outta here?”

“No! I mean, just wait.”

“Well, if you’re gon’ keep me here, are ya at least gon’ tell me what all this fuss is about?”

“It’s nothing.” I look to the ground, studying the floor tiles ever so intensely.

The embarrassment kicks in again.

“Well, it ain’t nothin’. Else you wouldn’t be messin’ up your pretty cardigan durin’ mass.”

“Really, it’s nothing, Donovan. Just a fight with my best friend.”

“Aw, I heard friend breakups are the worst. I’m sorry, Laine.” He puts a hand on my shoulder.

Friend breakup. Could this really be a breakup if we weren’t officially together to begin with? Was she really ever even a friend? Could I call her that anymore?

“Look, it’s not a big deal, I’ll be over it tomorrow. You know how girls are.” It pains me to play on this stereotype, but it’s the only way I know that will get him to leave it alone.

“Ah, I see. Well, it’s not tomorrow yet; it’s today. Clearly, you’re still hurtin’. Can I give ya a hug?”

I let him. I appreciate his gesture and his comfort, even if not for the reasons I truly need it. His body is warm against mine, and his arms feel hard and blocky as they wrap around my upper back. He pats my back, and I let myself sink into his embrace.Maybe Donovan isn’t as arrogant as I once thought him to be.

“Now let’s get ya cleaned up and head back out there, alright?”

******

Despite still feeling uneasy about my call with Drew earlier today, I know I need to finish this project. I need to just work. Work for hours even if it pains me to do so. Now that Drew is out of the picture, I need to try and give this painting a new meaning.

I rush to my room and pull out the canvas from under my bed, grabbing my oil paints and laying down an enormous cloth tarp on my floor. I get to work on the hair first, then the eyes, then the neck.

After about two hours of straight painting and blocking out every other emotion I have right now, I make the final few strokes and then take out a Sharpie to give it a title and sign my name. It’s not my best work, but I needed for this project to be done. I needed it to no longer loom over me, carrying the same feelings I tried so hard to suppress. I needed to turn it around.