Page 31

guys, no!

i mean, i don’t think so?

Greyson

5:29 pm

Hey sorry guys, I had practice but coach let us out early

What did I miss?

Jared

5:29 pm

drew likes Laine! drew likes Laine!

Me

5:30 pm

i never said that!

I didn’t, right? I mean, sure, I admired her beauty, and we held pinkies by the fire, and pressed our bodies together every chance we got, but friends do that. Close friends, even. Besides, what does it even matter now? Now that I’ve messed it all up again due to my lack of comforting nature.

I wish there were another way to show her I care about her. A way that I’m better at executing. Or maybe I’m just not nurturing enough.

Ever since my dad left, I’ve shut any emotions down whenever I felt them come up because it was easier to convince myself I didn’t care than to actuallyfeel, and now, I’m bad at comforting others because of it.

It’s like I don’t even know what to do when someone else shows emotion in front of me. I freeze, and in the process, not show up for people I care about when they need me most.

But I do care for Laine. A lot. And I want to show up for her. I just need to find how to show it, and if that means letting emotion back into my life, then so be it.

10

Laine

For just a minute, when I wake up, I let myself lie in bliss. I forget what happened that last day of the trip for just that minute. The memories of Drew play in my head.

The movies, the board games, the lake, the pumpkins, the hike. The hike. When I get to that part of the trip, everything comes rushing back. The way I felt in that moment when I heard him say he was an escaped felon. The fear that if he could do it, so could my stubbornly persistent father. And I know that if my father ever got out, if he knew we picked up everything and left—no, moved across the entire country—he would for sure try to find us, try to come back in our lives, and I don’t know if I could look at him after everything he’d done.

I turn over in my bed and grab my phone from my bedside table. I’m not sure why I expected a text from Drew, or a call, or anything, but I did. Honestly, I’m not sure what she would even say. Or what I would say, for that matter.

We left an interesting dynamic between us that’s killing me inside, yet I’m not entirely sure I have the energy to revisit that right now. Instead, I find a text from Thom.

Thom

11:57 am

Hey! You back from the mountains yet?

Let’s study together at the cafe whenever you’re free.

Disappointed to have only one person who wanted to see me when I got home—aka not Drew—I glance up at the time and realize I’d slept until noon. I spring out of bed, frantically searching for my house slippers. Once I find them, I slide them on and head upstairs to find my mother.

When I make it to the kitchen, she’s nowhere to be found. My stomach is growling, so I figure I might as well make us both some breakfast for us to have together whenever she gets back.

I fry up some eggs—over easy because I’m not a crazy person—and throw some bread in the toaster. Shortly after the toast pops up, I hear the door opening and keys jingling.