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welcome Him into our lives.” Father Robert shouts from the stage. “We must allow Him to speak to us, and He will speak his truths in glorious ways.”

He goes on, clenching his fists in the air as he speaks. “Tell me, do you pray over every meal? Pray for your family, friends, and neighbors? Praywithyour family, friends, and neighbors? Or do you give in to temptation? Temptation to give in to sin and lose sight of our Lord?”

Temptation. Something my father became very accustomed to in his last days with us. Hell, probably even last months. I grew familiar with temptation through him, but ironically, I had only ever experienced it once I met the one person who made temptation feel like it could be a good thing. Once I met Drew.

But now, I don’t know anymore. Drew makes me feel things I know I shouldn’t. She makes me feel conflicted, because how could something so wrong feel so right? Every moment spent with her felt so easy. But then I come to Holy Trinity, and everything immediately feels wrong. Myfeelingsfeel wrong. Is it possible to have wrong feelings? Unnatural, sure. But wrong? God has a plan for everyone, doesn’t he?

I’m tired of feeling like there’s something wrong with me. I’m tired of feeling like a screw-up. I’m not sure whether I really fit in at Holy Trinity yet, but I know Iwantto. That’s got to count for something, right?

Perhaps if I follow what Father Robert says, and pray every day and all, maybe I won’t feel so conflicted. I won’t feel like I’m messed up somehow. Drew and I were friends before we were anything else. We could go back to how it was before. Howwewere before. If only I could find a way to pray the feelings away, God would know I’m trying. He would take away the sin. He could fix me.

I could fix me.

As soon as Father Robert finishes preaching, I excuse myself to the restroom. My heart is pounding as I run my hands along the textured walls in the long corridor to the restroom.

Once I get there, the restroom reeks of petunias and acorns, an oddly pleasurable smell for a room that people excrete their waste in, but then again, Holy Trinity gets an insane amount of funding from its congregation.

I head into the biggest stall at the end and press call.

“Hello?” Drew sounds stuffy, like she’s been awake for far too many consecutive hours.

“I don’t think we should see each other anymore,” I say with a weak voice, trying my best to hold back tears. I remind myself that this is in both of our best interests. It’s what I need to do. “At least not in the way that we do.”

“What?” Her voice comes in soft, hurt. The sound of it makes me want to hurl right here in the pristine toilet beside me.

“We can still be friends!” I rush to clarify. “I mean, I’d like to still be friends.”

“Where is this coming from, Laine?”

“I’ve just had a lot of revelations recently, and I think it’s for the best.”

“Laine, you don’t mean that.”

“I really care about you, Drew. I do, I promise. It’s nothing like that.”

“Then what’s it like? What revelations could you have possibly had that told you that this… thatwewere something you didn’t want anymore?”

Her voice cracks through the phone, and I want this call to end. I can’t take it. I can’t handle hearing her like this. Knowing that I’m the one who’s caused her tears this time, except I have no choice. I have to do this. For both of our sakes. It feels difficult now, but sometimes restoring things to how they were before and choosing peace can’t coincide, and I’m going to have to be okay with that.

“That’s the problem! You’re all I want.”

“I don’t see how that’s a problem.”

“Because I shouldn’t!” I yell, too loudly for a public restroom.

“Wow. Okay, I see what this is about. I didn’t think you could be so easily swayed to believe everything they tell you there. I guess I was wrong about you.”

Her voice is direct, and her anger pierces through the phone like a dagger straight to the heart. I need this call to end.

“I haven’t been swayed! I shouldn’t have even gotten into this mess with you in the first place! I shouldn’t have let you get so close. I shouldn’t have let you wiggle your way into my life, and I sure shouldn’t have let you become so important to me!”

“Wiggle my way into your life? Need I remind you thatyoucame onto me first?Youkissed me first!”

The way she says the word “you” like I was the only sinner in thissituation twists the knife I stabbed into my own heart.

I end the call.

I can’t take it anymore. The whole reason I ended whatever we had in the first place was because of how she made me feel better about myself, but now, I only feel worse.