Page 136 of Guitars and Cages

“Hold still.”

I did, confused, until he pressed on my side over the worst of the bruises and I had to bite back a scream.

“Jesus, Asher.”

“Yeah, I know,” I moaned, and lay there while he started looking me over.

His tone and attitude turned all big-brother protective, and I could suddenly breathe a bit easier, even if he hadn’t answered my question. “Who did this?”

“A guy in the cage, and the fire escape at the bar.”

He slid his arms around me, helping me sit up, but even with his help, I groaned and hissed in pain.

“The fire escape?”

“Alexia tried to jump.”

He tried to hide it, but I saw him flinch. He made sure I was steady, and then got up, moving away from me. He crossed the room and went to stand by the window, shoving his fingers through his hair.

“I don’t want him dead,” he said, soft and low. “But I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be able to accept this.”

“Then can you try to ignore it? Didn’t Mom always tell us if we didn’t have anything nice to say, not to say anything? You don’t have to accept it, Cole, you just have to stop being cruel to her because of it.”

He slid his fingers through his hair again, and I knew he was thinking, ’cause that was the way he always looked when he was trying to decide on something.

“I think I’m gonna stay away for a while, think about things. I’m not gonna promise anything, I might just up and abandon this whole idea of a gym and get outta this damn city and as far away from you guys as I can get. Or maybe I’ll stay and try and help you with some of that camping and fishing and bike building. It’s been awhile since I’ve gotten my hands on an old frame and tried to make something from nothing.”

“Okay,” I said.

We were both silent for several minutes, me on the floor, still not wanting to move, and him by the window, staring out at all the neon lights.

“I hated leaving you behind when I went to Mexico. I hated that you didn’t come with me. It was always better on the road when we were together.”

“Yeah, I always felt safer when we were together.”

“So did I. And, you know, having my kid brother tagging along made me stop and think in a way I never did when I was alone. It was like I had more to worry about than just me, you know? I had to make sure you were gonna be okay, too. I don’t think I did a very good job, though. All those scars on you, Asher, I never—dammit, I never knew you were hurting yourself that bad.”

“Hey, the big dude and the metal railing did their fair share.”

“That stuff will fade,” he said, and then pointed to the scars on my arms. “Those you’re gonna have for the rest of your life, like the ones on your face.”

“That was my own dumb fault.”

“Maybe, but as your big brother I should have tried to stop you instead of encouraging you. Maybe you’re right, maybe I’d do more damage to you than good. It seems like whenever we’re together all we do is push each other to more extremes. I wish I knew what we were trying to prove.”

“All I ever wanted was to keep up.”

“Yeah? Then why is it that I’m the one who feels like they’ve fallen behind. I... I shouldn’t have said what I said to Rory. That was uncalled for, even if I was thinking it.”

“Yeah, it was.”

“I love that kid, and you know I love you, right?”

“Even after what I told you?”

He drew in a long, shuddering breath and turned to look at me, studying me for several seconds.

“Yeah, kid, even after what you said. I might not like it, and I might never make peace with Alex, but I ain’t willing to lose you. Did you know that the first time I left home, it was to look for you?”