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"Mama!" I screamed. "Look at what's happened to us and is still happening to us!"

My voice traveled over the lake and echoed in the trees. I saw a crow lift off a dead branch and flee into the darkness.

Good. I thought. Every living thing should flee from me. Even I should flee from myself

My arms suddenly felt electric with new power. I gripped the wheels of my chair firmly and turned them, moving the chair forward, off the macadam and onto the gravel and dirt pathway that led toward the dock and the lake. The chair bounced and the wheels got caught in grooves, bringing me to a sudden stop. but I leaned back and pushed harder, lifting the chair up and out and onward again. Tears streamed down my face. My hands ached.

Midway. I picked up momentum and no longer had to push. The chair rolled onward, but it hit a rock and spun. It slowly tilted. I tried to keep it level, but my weight shifted too quickly and I went over with it, barely having time to utter a single cry. I fell onto a soft, gassy area. The right wheel continued to spin. I wasn't completely out of the chair. but I was twisted.

It seemed to take hours to move myself and get enough momentum out of my leg so I could get myself and the chair upright again. Finally. I did so and just sat there, breathing hard, sweating so much the strands of my hair stuck to my forehead.

The sun had fallen behind the tree line. Darkness drew the shadows out of the surrounding woods. Stars appeared and the lake itself turned an inky dark blue and gray.

I had only frightened myself with the spill. I wasn't scraped or bleeding, nor did I hit any part of my body hard, but there was some mud and dirt on my arms and my clothes. Once my breathing became regular again, I felt the same dark red ball of frustration and anger building inside me. I couldn't even do this right. The red ball swelled until it pressed on my heart and made it pound.

What a mess I am, I thought. Where's that independence I was supposed to be developing? I'll always be a pathetic invalid, kept here on this earth just to make life miserable for someone else.

I wheeled myself forward again, taking more care, holding the chair back from lunging in either direction too quickly. Darkness was closing in around me much more quickly than I had anticipated. I struggled to see exactly where I was going. Suddenly, I felt a horrible spasm of pain in my hip. It took the breath out of me and I had to release my grip on the wheels.

Again the chair picked up momentum. I held onto the sides and closed my eyes and told myself to relax.

I was heading right for the dock. The chair bounced hard and then hit the dock, wheeling me first to the right and then. after I leaned to the left, turned far too sharply and spilled me out, this time nearly knocking the wind out of me when I hit. However. I didn't realize how close I was to the edge. With what I was sure was a look of terror and surprise on my face. I went over and hit the water mostly with my back.

In seconds. I was sinking. I waved my hands and arms frantically and brought myself back up. I gasped again and again., never getting enough oxygen.

Wait. Rain, why are you fighting so hard? I heard a voice within me ask. Just let your arms fall to your sides and your weight and your dead limbs will draw you down to where you belong. I actually started to lower my arms when I heard the second splash and a moment later. felt Austin's strong arm around my waist. He elevated half my body out of the water and drove me toward the dock.

"Easy," he cried. "I've got you."

He lifted me out and placed me on the dock. I fell back, gasping with spasms. He was out of the water and beside me, holding my head against him.

"Did you swallow any water? How you doing?"

I felt my body start to relax and my breathing grew more regular.

'No.' I finally said.

"What the heck were you doing down here by yourself.? Just as I drove up I saw you hit the dock and I came running. Did you lose control of the chair? I wanted to take you swimming, but I didn't think you were this anxious," he kidded.

I didn't reply. I was shivering now, even though it was still quite warm.

"I've got to get you out of these wet clothes." he said.

He scooped me into his arms and started up the pathway. My eyes closed. I could feel his strength, the power in his legs as he practically ran up the small incline toward the house. It seemed, just seconds before we were at the front door. The moment Mrs. Bogart saw us she gasped and cried out.

"What happened to her?"

"She fell in the lake. Let's get her out of these wet clothes and into a warm bath," he ordered.

Mrs. Bogart charged ahead and he followed to my room. He set me down gently on the bed. She was already running the hot water. He pulled off my shoes and socks. My teeth chattered.

"I'll take care of her," Mrs. Bogart said coming out of the bathroom. You better get yourself out of those wet clothes, too. There are some large towels and a bathrobe in the downstairs closet near the powder room. I'll throw your clothes in the dryer," she added.

"Thanks," he said. He put his hand on my cheek. "You all right?"

I nodded.

"You feel any pain anywhere?"