Page 54

“And you left almost right after you got home, and you hadn’t told me where you were going, just said you had a family thing. I never questioned it because, well, I trusted you.”

I nod again.

“Britney was at my house and said she’d overheard you talking to my mom. She said it seemed like you were talking about a girl, and then she heard you say that you didn’t want me to know and you weren’t sure how to tell me.” She sighs.

“Then, when I asked you if you were cheating on me and wanted to break up, you completely blew me off with really no response other than, ‘If that’s what you want to believe, Charlene, then I guess you don’t know me at all.’ Then you left my house. So, I took your response as Brit telling the truth.

“Then, two weeks later, Angie James told me that you and Brit were all over each other at Mike Brown’s party. I couldn’t go because I’d gotten really sick—do you remember?” she asks.

“Yeah, I remember it all. But you didn’t really believe I’d hooked up with her, did you? I mean, baby, you knew I couldn’t stand her. And Angie was a liar too. She was always trying to stir shit up between you and Britney, too, because she was jealous that Brit was hanging out with you more than her.”

“Well, that’s what I thought, but when I asked Brit about it, she told me you had been coming over to her house after practice and hanging out. And then you tried hooking up with her at the party and she rejected you.” She takes a deep breath in and holds it, waiting for my reply.

“Okay, well, first of all, Brit was completely delusional. I never stepped foot in her house, and I sure as shit never made a move to hook up with her. So, that’s that, Boss. That’s the truth of it. She was jealous of you, and she lied to you. She took an opening that Angie had given her and ran with it.

“I hate to say this, but you know she only became friends with you because she liked Casey. She was after him hardcore. Brit was sending him tit pics, and … well, other pics, and he would ignore her. So, I guess she figured if she became friends with you, she could get closer to Casey. When that wasn’t happening, she got mad and turned her attention to me. And for the record, after the first tit pic she sent me, I blocked her ass.”

I’m completely avoiding giving her the whole truth, but I can’t bring myself to tell her about my mom yet. So, I’ll make it about Brit. Everything I’m saying is the truth, but it’s really just skimming the surface.

I did have a conversation that day with Carol, and it was about my mom. I did ask her not to tell Charlie because I needed to be the one to tell her. But that wasn’t what Brit heard or told Charlie. So, I let it fall apart, like a chickenshit.

“Charlie, the only thing you ever needed to know and believe was that I loved you.”

“If none of that was true, why didn’t you fight for me? Bang down my door and make me listen to the truth?”

Her words hit me like a sledgehammer.

“Why would I when you believed the worst about me?” I swallow and give her two years of pent-up emotion. “I hurt you by not being completely up front with you, but you destroyed me when you believed I’d betrayed you.”

“Beck,” she stutters, her bottom lip quivering as she comprehends my words.

Charlie takes three deep inhales and pats her thigh at the same time. The lock button on the car is nearby, so she leans forward and hits it three times for no apparent reason. Then she hits unlock. Three times.

Her eyes drop to her lap, and tears spill down her cheeks. “I lost two years with you because, deep down, I think I always felt what we had was too good to be true. It still feels like that. Even now. Makes me wonder if I try to sabotage it because I’m afraid I can’t control it.”

I take a step forward, lift my hands to her jaw, and wipe her tears with my thumbs. I will her gaze to look up into mine.

“I never fucking stopped loving you, Boss. Even when you ignored me or gave me sass. And even when you got together with that fucker, Tony. I mean, babe, seriously, he was a piss-poor replacement for yours truly.” I try to make the conversation lighter.

“Are you kidding me right now? I don’t even want to think about the girls you were with while I was gone last year! I bet you and Archie just traded girls. In his room one night, yours the next. Urgh, I can’t even.”

My hand is resting on the cushion behind her, and she tries to push me away, but I don’t let her.

“What are you talking about? I never fucked anyone else. Tempted a few times, sure?—”

“Spare me the details!” she cries.

“What I was saying was that I never got far with any girl who came on to me because she wasn’t you. I know you were with Tony, and it absolutely fucking tears me up to think about it. But that whole time, I couldn’t go through with fucking some random girl because none of them were you.” I slide my finger down her chin and tip her face up to look at me.

Tears are pooling in her eyes, and all I want to do is wipe them away. I told Casey I would have this conversation with her, but I still can’t get the words out that I need to say.

“Baby, let’s just put this behind us and move on. You heard me when I said I love you, right? I have never stopped loving you. I waited for you. I waited for you to come back to me. I knew it would happen, but you needed to be ready to let all of this go. Can you let it go now?” I plead.

Sniffling and wiping the tears that have fallen, she nods. “I love you too, Beck. I never stopped either. I’m just so mad at us now that we’ve talked about it. I think, deep down, I knew she was lying, but you had pulled away that summer, and I felt like what she’d said made sense. That you didn’t want to be with me, but didn’t know how to tell me. So stupid.” She pauses, shaking her head. “I’m sorry for doubting you, Beck. And I’m sorry for believing her. She drove a wedge between us and my family. I don’t know if you know this, but I wouldn’t speak to my mom for, like, two months after we broke up. She refused to tell me what you had told her. I was so mad, but you know my mom. Can’t stay mad at her for long.”

I nod, knowing already that Carol kept my secret. Even begged me to tell Charlie when they weren’t speaking. I think she pulled everything out of her arsenal to get Charlie back into her good graces. It made me feel guilty as hell.

Leaning in, I kiss her lips. I can taste the salt from her tears. I hate that I made her cry. I have never wanted—and never want—to be the cause of her tears.