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I cut her off, “Arbor, it is your business because you are my friend. More than a friend. We’re practically like family. The truth is, I think we each have a version of what really happened. It’s actually something I’ve been thinking about a lot, and I know we need to talk about it, but I can’t figure out how to bring it up.”

“You know he’s totally obsessed with you though, right? I mean, he’s always looked at you possessively, but it’s gone to a whole new level. It’s totally hot, BTW. I wish someone would look at me like that.” She laughs. “I’ve always been a little jealous of you and your relationship with him. Not in, like, a mean way, but more envious, I guess.”

“Did you have a thing for Beck? I wouldn’t blame you if you did, but I’ve always wondered. You definitely look at him.” I smile and wiggle my eyebrows at her.

Shaking her head, she says, “No, no. I mean, I appreciate a fine-looking man, but he’s always been yours. Not that he would have looked anywhere else either. That’s why I guess I don’t understand how you guys could have broken up.”

Arbor might be able to help me work through how to approach this with Beck, so I may as well tell her my version of events. I take a deep breath and look at her.

She waves her hand in awell, come onmotion, so I release the breath I was holding and start.

I suppose if I’m going to have this conversation with Beck, it might help to sort out my thoughts now. “You remember my friend Britney?”

“Yep, hated her,” she says and shrugs. “Mostly because I didn’t like the way she looked at you behind your back. Britney was the typical mean girl, in my opinion. Your friendship didn’t make sense to me.”

As I listen, I nod.

My mom had similar concerns about my friendship with Brit. I swear I think moms just know this stuff. The first time I brought Brit over, my mom was friendly, but the minute she left, she told me she didn’t care for her. That was her polite way of saying she didn’t like someone. I should have listened.

“Okay, so Britney was at my house one day. We were up in my room, hanging out, and she went downstairs to get a drink. When she came back up to my room, she told me what she’d heard down there. Beck was talking to my mom, and Beck looked upset, I guess. He was talking about not wanting to see someone. She heard him say he didn’t know what to do about it and that he wasn’t sure how to tell me.”

I stop talking and look down at the book in my lap.

I start flipping through the pages and continue, “She told me I couldn’t trust him and that he was lying to me about something. That he probably wanted to break up with me, but didn’t know how to tell me. So, naturally, I spiraled. Looking back, I think it’s stupid that I believed her, but at that time, Beckham had been distant. He had been at football camp for most of the summer. He came back, but then he left again for a few days and hadn’t told me where he was going. I really didn’t think much of it because that was us. I trusted him—until she put that seed of doubt in my head.”

“What a bitch. I’m sorry, Char, but honestly, she’s a bitch.”

The look on Arbor’s face makes me laugh.

“Oh, I know. And when I confronted Beck about it, he just stood there and didn’t say anything. I felt like he was gaslighting me. Making me feel crazy for thinking these things, yet didn’t have a solid response for where he’d been or what he had talked to my mom about. He got mad and walked away. All my mom told me was that there was more to the story but to give Beck space, so I assumed what Britney had said was the truth. Casey tried to intervene, but I was too stubborn and hurt by that point. As you can imagine, Casey wasn’t a fan of Brit either. Then, I guess … the silence between Beck and me just broke us. It hurt me more than I’ve ever told anyone.”

Arbor shakes her head and points at me. “Girl, you know there has to be more to it, right?”

I nod. “I know, but we’ve never talked about it. And then I heard rumors that he’d tried hooking up with Brit, and when I asked her about it, she said he had come on to her and she’d turned him down out of loyalty to me.”

Hearing myself say this out loud makes me feel embarrassed by how gullible I was and how I took her word for all of it despite knowing Beck more than anyone else did.

“When senior year came around, Beck and I didn’t even want to be in the same room. He came for his recruitment trip here with Casey, and once they committed to Walker, I didn’t feel like I belonged here because, honestly, I felt kind of left out. Casey and I used to be inseparable, and it seemed like he was choosing Beck over me. Which is totally stupid. They both wanted me to come to Walker, even if Beck didn’t say it. It had always been our plan.”

“So, that’s when Brit convinced you to go to State with her? When you were feeling like they were leaving you behind?” she asks.

“Yeah, but I never felt good about the decision. From the time I sent in my paperwork to State, it was like this dark cloud hung over me. And when we got to school, she basically ditched me for the girls she’d met when she rushed. When I went Phi Chi and she went Theta, I knew our time hanging out together was going to dwindle. And I didn’t like any of her friends anyway, but I also didn’t really connect with any of the girls in my house. Which was why I started making the trips down here to stay with Casey. I missed him—and Beck … even though I didn’t tell anyone that part.

“So, by the end of the school year, I knew I had to leave. Brit had been doing some sneaky shit too. She would take my clothes and then completely tricked me into thinking I’d lost them. But then I’d see one of her friends wearing something of mine, and I even found one of my sweaters in the back of one of her drawers. Not that I was snooping, but when I was packing to move out, I checked just to see where half my things had gone, and sure as shit, at least one was in her drawer. Oh, and she would guilt me into buying things for the room, like snacks, laundry supplies, you name it. She would use her mom’s single-parent status as a weapon to get me to feel bad for her for asking her mom for things. It was gross.”

There’s more to the story, like how depressed I got, but I’m embarrassed by the whole thing when I say it out loud.

“Okay, that is really gross. Well, I’m so glad you’re here and that we get to spend more time together. And I know our moms are happy you’re here. And besides, we have the very best house on campus.” She winks.

She’s not wrong. Our sorority house is not only huge, but it’s also gorgeous. The house is white brick with a wide front porch. There is a large eagle sitting in the front, which is our symbol. Inside, it has a beautiful foyer with meeting and common areas on either side. There’s a huge kitchen, which is stocked with snacks and drinks, and we have a cook who makes us three meals a day. Because I’m not living here right now, I don’t eat here very often, but I appreciate that it’s here when I need it. Much better than cafeteria food.

A large, winding staircase leads to the second floor where the rooms are, and there’s another set of stairs that lead up to a third floor with more rooms. My room, when it’s ready, will be on the third floor, but I’m hoping to move to the second floor before next semester. Room selection is based on GPA, and we have a mandatory GPA guideline as part of our bylaws. I’m doing well in my classes right now, so I don’t think it will be a problem.

But again … that means I’ll be away from Beck.

“But, Char, back to Beck. You need to talk to him. I’m not an expert in relationships, but what you guys have is special. Don’t lose it again.”

She gets up and comes over to the chair I’m sitting in. She grabs my hands and pulls me up into a hug.