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“Yes, you do. Donuts always make things better. You know that.”
“I’m sick, Keaton.”
“I saw Ben at the beach earlier. He was running along the water as I was putting in my surfboard. He said that he won’t be at family dinner tonight. What did you do to him, Paisley?”
“Nothing,” I replied as tears filled my eyes. “I already called Mom and told her that I was sick and won’t be coming tonight.”
“So is this how it’s going to be forever? You’d rather spend your life alone and in misery?”
“Leave, Keaton.”
He left the bag of donuts on the bed as he got up and walked around to my side.
“I’m going, but I have one last question. Is this the advice you’d give someone who wrote a letter to Dear Paisley? Would you actually tell that person who reached out to you for the best advice possible to hide away from the world for the rest of their life? Would you tell them not to bother facing their fears because, in the end, it’s not worth it? Would you, Paisley? Because if you would, I want to see it in writing. I want to see you write those words. Call me when you’re done hiding.” He turned and walked away, and I flinched when the front door slammed shut.
Romeo jumped on the bed, nudging me, and begging me for food. I finally climbed out of bed, opened a can of Fancy Feast, and took a hot shower. As the water streamed down my back,I stood there with my head down. I felt lost and no longer in control of my life. My husband had become my very existence, and when he died, a large part of me died with him. Keaton was right. Would I actually tell someone to live like this? Was this what I really wanted? Did I even have a choice? I needed to find myself again.
Ben
Keaton came over around four thirty to pick up Leah for dinner. I had to explain to her why I wasn’t going.
“I talked to Paisley earlier,” he said as he followed me into the kitchen.
“How is she?”
“I don’t know, man. She kicked me out of her house, and I said some things I probably shouldn’t have. I guess just give her some time. She’s freaking out, and I don’t know how to help her anymore.”
I placed my hands on the counter and pushed myself back. “I’m sorry,” I said as I looked down.
“Don’t apologize. Listen, Ben, I think you and Paisley make an amazing couple, and I’m sorry she’s doing this to you. I know how much you really like her.”
“I do like her a lot. Hell, I’m falling in love with her.”
Leah walked in, and Keaton placed his hand on my back. “Keep the faith and give her time. She’ll come around.”
“Thanks, Keaton. You two have fun and tell your family that I said hi.”
“Will do, bro.”
Leah kissed me on the cheek, and the two of them left. I went into the garage and looked at the table and chairs that still hadto be delivered. I called the buyers and told them I could make the delivery tomorrow afternoon. I originally planned on asking Paisley to go with me, but now I’d ask Leah. Once I got the dining set out of the garage, I’d start building a sofa table for Paisley.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Paisley
“Here’s the key to your cottage, Ms. Logan. You’re in cottage number five, like you requested.”
“Thank you.” I gently smiled.
I held the key tightly in my hand and followed the bellman to the golf cart, where he loaded my luggage and drove me to the cottage. I took in a deep breath as I stepped inside. The room looked exactly the same, right down to the canopy king-size bed and the perfectly polished Brazilian walnut floors. The first thing I did was step out onto the lanai and watched as the waves crashed into the shore. This place. This cottage. Hawaii. They held the happiest memories of us. Our honeymoon and the start of our life together happened here. Little did we know that our time was limited. Tears filled my eyes as I stared at the bed where we made love multiple times a day during our stay. The bed where we discussed our future and our plans. The same bed where he would wrap his arms around me every night and tell me how much he loved me. I could no longer control the flow of tears as they fell down my face. I came here for a reason. A reason that I wasn’t even entirely sure of myself. I missed Ben,but I knew that things would never work out with us unless I figured out how to put closure on the past.
I picked up my phone and looked at the message I sent to Keaton before I left.
“I need you to do something for me. I have to go away for a little while, and I need you to stay at my place and take care of Romeo. Don’t ask me where I’m going because I won’t tell you. All you need to know is that this is something I need to do for me. I’ll be back when I finally have my life figured out. Tell the family not to worry about me because I’ll be okay. I promise you, Keaton. I’ll be okay. I love you.”
“I’m pissed off you left without saying goodbye, but I understand. I’ll miss you, Paisley. Do what you have to do and then come home. As soon as you get back, we’re going surfing. Mom and Dad are going to be pissed, but I’ll calm them down. Don’t worry about Romeo. That little man and I have a special bond. I love you too, Paisley. Take care of yourself and be safe.”
I needed to send one more message before I settled in and began my healing process.