Page 143

“Hey, bro. Olivia and I want to take you to dinner tonight. I’d like to hear more about Paisley.”
“Not tonight. I’ll talk to you later.”
He didn’t send me another text after that. He knew what today was and I was sure he talked to mom. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone. I had decided that after my run, Iwas going to come home and shower and then go to the cemetery to visit Amy. That damn dream was still in the forefront of my mind, and I couldn’t shake the feeling of how real it felt. After cleaning up, I climbed into my truck and drove to the pier.
Chapter Nineteen
Paisley
I put on my running clothes and shoes and took a deep breath as I climbed into my car and drove to the beach. After I parked, I sat in my car and could feel my legs begin to shake. I needed to remember that I wasn’t doing this for me. I was doing it for a friend who needed support. I got out of my car and walked over to where I saw Ben when Keaton and I went surfing. My palms were sweating, and my heart was racing as I stood there and watched for him to pass by.
“Paisley?” I heard Ben’s voice from behind.
I turned around and looked at him. He had a smile on his face.
“Hi.”
“Hi. What are you doing here?”
“You asked me to go running with you, remember?”
He chuckled. “I did ask you, but you said you had to go to the office.”
“Forget what I said and forget the office. I’m here, and anxiety is getting the best of me, so if we’re going to run together, we better do it now.”
Ben placed his hand on my shoulder. “Relax and take in a deep breath. You can do this.”
I gave him a nervous smile, and we started jogging down the path.
“I’m happy you changed your mind.” He smiled.
“Me too.”
The morning air was crisp, and it felt exhilarating. Ben talked about his job, which led into a conversation about the hospital and then his wife, Amy. We must have run over five miles before he suddenly stopped. He tried to catch his breath and I could see the tears swell in his eyes. He didn’t need to say a word to me. I knew that expression too well. It was the same one I saw every day when I looked in the mirror.
“Not here, Ben,” I said as I took hold of his arm and led him over to an area by the beach where nobody else was.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he wiped his eyes. “I feel so stupid.”
“Please. Don’t apologize, and don’t feel stupid. It’s me you’re talking to. Why didn’t you tell me what today was?”
He wouldn’t look at me. He only stared straight ahead.
“Would you tell me?” he asked. “I’ve dreaded this day for a long time, and I’m sure you’re probably feeling the same way.”
“Maybe it helps to talk about it,” I said as I stared straight ahead at the water.
“Do you really believe that?”
“I don’t know. I don’t ever talk about it,” I said as I wiped the tear from my eye.
“Maybe we should try it,” he softly spoke.
I took in a deep, long breath. “It was our first wedding anniversary, and we were going to Montana. We weren’t leaving until that afternoon, and he decided that we needed to run before we left because we would be in the car for a long time before stopping for the night. That day, we decided to run in Griffiths Park, and we were about three miles in when I noticedhe was sweating really badly. I asked him if he was okay, and he said he was. Then, suddenly, he stopped, and I heard him call my name. That was when I turned around and saw him vomiting while grabbing his chest. I ran over to him and grabbed his arm. I remember screaming at people to call 911. He fell to the ground and just lay there. I’ll never forget the look on his face. It was blank – no expression – and then he had stopped breathing. A couple of guys had stopped. One of them was a medical intern, and he started performing CPR. I held his hand and yelled at him not to do this to me over and over again. Finally, the ambulance arrived, but he was already gone by the time the paramedics got to him.”
I was shaking, and Ben could see it. He put his arm around me, and I backed away when I saw a woman not too far from us smoking a cigarette. I ran to her.
“Excuse me, but do you have a cigarette?”