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“Are you okay? Here,” she said as she reached into her bag and pulled one out. She handed me her lighter, and I lit it.
“Thank you. You have no idea how badly I needed this.”
“I think I do.” She smiled. I handed her the lighter and walked back over to Ben.
He sat there and didn’t say a word. He only stared at me as I sat down next to him and puffed away on my cigarette.
“A fucking twenty-seven-year-old health nut who was in incredible shape dies of a massive heart attack. So when people look at me and tell me that smoking will kill me, I laugh because he did everything right.”
Ben reached over, took the cigarette from me, and put it out. “You don’t need that. You need this,” he said as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight.
I could feel the tears fill my eyes, and I had to stop them. This day wasn’t about me, and I’d be damned if I ruined it for him. I was there to help him get through it. I broke our embrace.
“I’ve never told anyone about that day in detail.”
“I’m happy you chose to tell me. Will you come with me to the cemetery? If you don’t feel comfortable with going, I totally understand.”
“Of course I will.”
“Really?” he asked.
“Yeah, really.” I smiled.
Ben followed me to my house to drop off my car, and then we drove in his truck together to the cemetery.
Chapter Twenty
Ben
Her story. So heartbreaking. It’s hard when a loved one dies, but I think it’s worse when they are ripped away from you in an instant, unexpectedly, with no time to prepare. At least with Amy, we knew the day was coming, and it gave everyone time to prepare. Not that I was ever truly prepared, but more so than if she had died suddenly. I couldn’t believe Paisley agreed to accompany me to the cemetery. My little meltdown on our run was unforeseen. I thought that maybe I wouldn’t have lost it if I were with someone.
“Thank you for coming with me,” I said as I looked over at her.
“You’re welcome.” She smiled.
When we reached the cemetery, Paisley followed me to Amy’s grave. On the way, I had stopped at the florist and picked up some flowers to lay down.
“That’s a beautiful headstone,” Paisley remarked.
“Thank you.”
I laid the flowers down and sat on the grass. Paisley bent down and started to pull some weeds.
As I stared at the headstone that displayed Amy’s name, I started to talk about her.
“I’ll never forget the day we found out she had cancer. We were sitting in the doctor’s office, waiting for him to come in with the reports.”
Paisley stopped pulling the weeds and looked at me.
“He walked in, and I could tell by the look on his face that he had bad news. When he told us, Amy fell apart, but I couldn’t. I had to stay strong for her. She needed me, and I wasn’t about to let her down. She had to have an MRI, and when the results came back, we found out that the cancer had spread to her pancreas and liver. The doctor started her on an aggressive chemo treatment immediately, and just when we thought it was helping, the cancer started to spread throughout her body. She died eleven months later. Watching her die was the worst thing I ever had to go through. I felt so helpless. I was supposed to take care of her and protect her.”
Paisley took hold of my hand and gently squeezed it. When I looked over at her, tears were streaming down her face.
“I’ve never said that to anyone. I always pretended to my friends and family that I was strong and would be okay. I still do. But I’m not that strong, and I’m not that okay.”
“You don’t have to pretend with me,” she said, laying her head on my shoulder. “You did take care of her the best you could. It was out of your hands, Ben. Just like it was out of my hands when my husband died on the cement.”
“Thank you, Paisley,” I said as I kissed the side of her head.