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I was surprised when he agreed with me that Aspen in the winter sounded like fun, while Fiji was the ultimate luxury destination. Perfect for a honeymoon, I think is what he said. Infact, I don’t just think he said that, I know he did, because I’ve mentally filed it away for safekeeping.
He let me choose what music we listened to on the way here, and I love that we have the same taste in music and that he even sang along to it. Outside of work he’s very different and being around him feels natural, as if we’ve known each other for years. The man isn’t an enigma to me anymore, because what I have discovered is that when he trusts, he trusts with his whole heart. He’d said he wanted fun, but I know for both of us this is growing into something neither of us could have predicted.
Everything he does has my heart fluttering in my chest, and when he pulled my hand onto his lap while he was driving then threaded his fingers into mine and kissed my knuckles, I about melted into my seat like a puddle of liquid gold.
He makes me feel safe, completely adored, and like I belong. Something I have never felt before. On the way here, he surprised me even further when he shared his love of tennis, which I already knew about, but what I didn’t know was how good he was when he was younger. He was good enough to go professional and wishes he had seen it through.
I guess his father expected his sons to follow the same career path as him to continue the family business, which I kind of hate for Nathan.
What if he missed his calling to be a professional tennis player and could have been ranked number one in the world?
Now he’ll never know, but what if that was his destiny and not the one his father chose for him?
I’ve spent my life wishing things were different, the list of what-ifs becoming longer as I get older.
What if my dad had taken a different route that night?
What if I hadn’t made finals for the state championship on Beam?
What if we had gone for burgers and not pizza that night?
What if, what if, what if…
I let out a sigh as I wash the salad that Nathan’s mother, Michelle, asked me to help with and look out across the sun-scorched pastures through the kitchen window.
“That does not sound like a good sigh.” Michelle breaks through my wandering thoughts.
“I’m fine. Just daydreaming.” My white lies are stacking up. I could build my very own pyramid with them all. “It’s really beautiful here.” That’s the truth. Waking up to that view across the valley every morning must be so peaceful. What a way to start the day.
Michelle appears by my side and places more tomatoes on the work surface for me to wash then points to the hills in the distance. “Every summer, Daniel and I would walk up there and have a picnic as our reward when we reached the top.”
“And you don’t do that anymore?” I ask, unable to hide my curiosity, because Daniel, Nathan’s father, is nowhere to be seen and Nathan and his brothers never speak about him in front of anyone.
She shakes her head and lets out an even heavier sigh than mine. “We haven’t since Daniel got his diagnosis.”
Like that woman from the restroom made reference to, his fatherisill?
Why has Nathan never told me? Why has no one mentioned him?
“Diagnosis?” I ask, blunter than I intended.
Michelle turns away from the window and walks to the kitchen island before making herself busy. “Parkinson’s disease was not something we factored into Daniel’s retirement plan. Nor was the dementia. Or a memory care home for that matter.”
“I’m so sorry, Michelle, I didn’t know.” I wish Nathan had told me that to prepare me.
“No one does.” She rubs the end of her nose with the back of her hand nervously. “Not outside of the family anyway. It’s something Daniel asked us to keep under wraps. He said he didn’t want people’s pity because he believes this is life’s form of payback for all the cases he lost and all the people he let down throughout his career.”
That’s a terrible perspective because I’ve been doing a little digging of my own again; I couldn’t stop myself. And according to Daniel’s case statistics he only lost a handful of cases at most throughout his career, which is what made him the top lawyer in the city before Nathan took over the firm.
And I can’t help but feel guilty for my plan to bring pain or discomfort to a man who is already suffering.
“I’m sorry.” I say again, meaning it. No matter who you are or what you did in your past, no one deserves to face a disease that is cruel and indiscriminatory. That type of illness just takes and keeps on taking regardless of the kind of person you are.
“Thank you, Arianna.” Michelle picks the dinnerware off the kitchen island and walks to the large pine dining table. She starts laying a plate down for each of us at each setting, as his brothers are here too and arrived long before we did. “Now…” She claps her hands together once she’s finished and checks the condiments. “Salad dressing. That’s what we are missing. Then I’ll call the boys in.”
I get the impression Michelle doesn’t want to talk about Daniel and I take the hint.
“I’ll go get them.” I wash the last of the tomatoes and place them in a large bowl for Michelle to finish off the Mediterranean-style salad she’s preparing before drying my hands on the towel.