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I feel so conflicted, and at this point I don’t know what side of the fence I’m sitting on.
His words replay in my mind like looped CCTV footage.There isn’t a damn thing you could say to keep me away from you. You make me want to burn down the world for you, protect you, and never let you go. I’ve never seen myself settling down before…
Which has me reconsidering my next move.
Should I halt digging any deeper into my family’s deaths and pursue things with Nathan or forget about him completely?
Forgetting him isn’t an option. He’s already made a place inside my brain and my heart for himself.
I want him to burn down the world for me, but settling down with him? Was he serious?
What if I accept that what happened to my family was an accident and that there was nothing more to it?
What if their deaths were all meant to lead me to Nathan?
A grand plan or something equally universal.
My mind and body continue this inner fight with one another. I love my job at Hart Law, which I also can’t understand. It’s become more than just a mission for me; I’m helping to change lives and help people. It’s a position I would love to stay in.
Nathan, his brothers, and everyone at Hart Law are cleaner than a virgin-white tablecloth.
So why can’t I let the unsettling feeling I have in my gut rest?
It’s actually beginning to annoy me now.
Joseph breaks me out of my muddled thoughts. “And if this dress doesn’t make him fall in love with you, I will. In fact, I might be a little bit in love with you already.”
“Don’t tell your boyfriend that.” I snort, lifting the ankle-skimming silk upward. “I’m taking the shoes too.” I show them off. They’re the most beautiful shoes I have ever owned, and Ihave no idea how much they are because none of the items in this shop that Joseph insisted we come to has a price tag.
“Take the shoes and let’s find you a purse to match.” Joseph pulls a platinum credit card out of his pocket and waves it at me. “It’s all on Nathan.” He winks.
“I feel like a million dollars.”
“Nathan’s golden girl.” He narrows his eyes, as if deep in thought. “It looks like that gold dress fromHow to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, only you wear it better.”
“How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days?” I scoff.
Little does he know how accurate that is… How many more days will I be at Hart Law?
The unfortunate truth is that I want more days, more nights, every night with Nathan.
My decision is made. I’m going to stop digging for things that might bring me more pain and put my own investigation on hold to see how things pan out between us.
For now.
Until such a time, and when I’m ready to pick up my investigation again, I’m praying Nathan doesn’t find out my secret and my real reason for me switching my job to bring to light the truth behind the car crash.
Because if he ever finds out my true reason for being there, it will kill him and it will make him question everything about me and how trustworthy I am.
He’s a loyal man, and my reasons for working for him are in no way loyal and that’s why I need to stop my search for the truth. I’m not giving up, I’m just doing things on my own terms.
And I know I will never be able to give myself to him fully, so for now, he’ll have to accept whatever I offer.
I mean, it’s not like we have a future together.
I’ve never seen myself settling down before, but with you…
I knew he meant he could see himself doing that with me, and that one sentence tugged at my heart and hurt so bad because a little part of me can see glimmers of that too.