Page 24

I’ve been meditating most nights to prepare myself for each day.
It’s not helping; he still continues to piss me off most days. Then there are days when I’m around him, I feel myself faltering and can’t help watching him move those tempting lips of his as he talks to clients, me, everyone, and all I want to do is kiss him.
Which is so wrong.
But I’ve been tempted. Too many times.
Still am.
I drop my voice and answer Joseph. “Let me double-check I have confirmed all the calendar changes.” I peer through the open doorway of Nathan’s office to find him looking out over the bustling city below to see if he’s eavesdropping into our conversation.
“He does that a lot.” Joseph studies him.
“What?”
Joseph replies, “Stares out of the window. It’s like he’s mentally piecing parts of his case together.”
“That so?” I’ve noticed he does it too and thought the same thing.
“Yeah. I guess that’s what makes him the best.” His voice sounds full of admiration.
“LikeThe Mentalist?” I ask.
“Much grumpier than him, and way more handsome.”
“You think?” I know he is. I’m trying to put Joseph off my scent because I swear one whiff of my pheromones will expose how attracted I am to Nathan.
Why the hell did I say yes to becoming his secretary?
To gain greater access to confidential files, of course with a higher chance of success. Triple the pay… that’s another reason why. But the bigger overarching reason is to get my hands on any evidence I can find. Plus there’s also pulling the down payment for a house together faster than I had planned.
“Sweetie, are you blind?” Joseph snaps me from my wandering thoughts, and his mouth gapes open. “That man is fire.”
Staring at the back of Nathan’s head, I pretend to think about it, then say, “I’ll give you that, but I’m not into older men.”
Oh, I am totally into older men, one specifically.
The one that dresses in the finest of Italian tailored suits, has solid abs I want to climb like a tree, can fuck all night, and more importantly, told me I wasbeautifuland made me feel special.
But I can’t go there with him again.
It was just a one-night stand. I’m delusional to think it was anything more.
Which he made abundantly clear on my first day, and I’m fine with it. I’m working directly under him now, and having sex with him would complicate everything.
I’m lying to myself; sex with him only made me want more.
I have to keep reminding myself how much I hate him.
Ambivalence has never felt so unfair. The inner conflict between the positives and negatives is enough to drive me up the wall as the hatred I felt so strong at the beginning is wavering. Too fast for me; it’s as if I have no control.
Seeing him at work, helping people and supporting them, is the worst curve ball the universe could have thrown me.
Joseph leans forward, then looks over his shoulder to check if Nathan is listening in on our conversation before lowering his voice to an almost inaudible whisper. “The things I would let that man do to me.” He fans his face with his hand as if trying to cool himself down. “Shame he doesn’t swing my way.” Joseph pulls himself out of his fantasy and stands to his full height. “So, drinks at The Golden Spirit?”
I chuckle and ask him to give me a minute to check with Nathan first.
“You finish up and I’ll go freshen up.” Joseph walks off to the restroom, leaving a trail of his citrus aftershave behind him. Wow, that is strong, and the last thing he needs is to freshen up. He’s groomed, moisturized, and fragranced within an inch of his life. I love him already and under different circumstances, I could see us becoming firm friends.