Page 71 of All of You

“So,” I say.

“So,” he replies.

“What’s my punishment?”

Gramps angles his head sideways and jams his hands in his pockets. “No friends over for a week. And I have a gift for you.”

My jaw hangs slack. Gramps shuffles to the dining room and comes back with a small box and extends it to me.

“It’s a cell phone. So you can call me when you don’t feel…well. Maybe next time I can talk you off the ledge. It’s not a fancy one but it texts and calls.”

I stare at him, then the box, then him again. “I don’t understand. I’m not really in trouble? And you’re giving me a phone?”

Gramps sighs and sits on the couch next to me. “If I ground you indefinitely will it change anything?”

I shake my head. “Probably not.”

“If I yell at you will it change anything?” Again I shake my head. “That’s what I thought. If the next time you get sad or angry or upset about anything, and you have that phone on you, will you call me and tell me before you set out on a mission to destroy your hand?”

I bite back a smile as tears well in my eyes. I nod. “I can do that.”

He pats my knee. “Okay then. Next question is, what should we do today?”

“Wait, seriously?” I ask as he stands.

“Listen…your mom said you are a great kid. Kind, respectful, responsible. Anna who barely knows you essentially said the same on the phone. I made a lot of mistakes parenting Jennifer that Maeve would kill me for if I repeated now. I’m choosing to trust what I’ve seen and heard about you unless you prove me wrong.”

“Gramps?” I ask.

“What?”

“Did you know my dad? Can you tell me about him?”

Gramps sighs and rubs his palms on his jeans. “I didn’t like him.” He holds a hand up. “I also didn’t bother to give him a chance or get to know him. So no, I can’t really tell you anything about him. But I know this, my judgment of his character was wrong. Any man who would dive into freezing water to save a drowning family is a good man, and I can’t tell you how much it breaks my heart to know that I wrongly judged him for so long.”

I inhale sharply and nod. I didn’t really expect such an honest answer, but Gramps is full of surprises.

“Fair enough. I think I’m going to shower. I didn’t get a chance this morning. I slept a little late.”

***

Gramps is in town running an errand. I finished setting up my new phone. It’s a cheap flip phone but I adore it. I even programmed in his number and Mom’s. Curiosity got thebetter of me and I tried her phone. It went immediately to voicemail. Hearing her voice telling me to leave a message messed with my head. Curled up on my bed I decide to read more of her journal.

Journal of Jennifer Brickell

April 2005

We were supposed to meet last night. One last kiss before we met the next day to marry. He left a note in our spot in the back field.I love you. Forever.I cried because I desperately wanted to see him but was happy to have his love note. The next morning I pulled on my billowy white linen dress and went to the beach so ready—oh so ready—to be his, really and truly.

I stood on the beach and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

I clutched my belly where Baby Bean grew and waited some more.

When the sun set I knew he wasn’t coming. I knew I was alone. He’d abandoned us both. I sank down into the soft sand and wept so hard I thought my lungs might collapse and my eyes would drown in their own tears. Anna came to the beach, helped me to my feet, and dragged me back to my car.