Page 64 of All of You

I know the rules of high school. It’s stupid to be vulnerable and ask where we stand but cool to ignore it. If he wants to play the game, so be it.

I’m giving my presentation on the assigned reading and looking everywhere but the back of the room where Langdon sits. I hate public speaking. It makes me nervous.

My papers fluttered slightly in my shaking grasp. And then it comes. The anxiety attack I haven’t had since my last presentation project junior year. My lips stutter and quaver. I can’t shake the sourness in my belly. And I can’t catch my breath. Langdon’s little posse of friends start ribbing me. Laughing and saying ‘t-t-t-today, junior’.

Mr. Dwyer tells them to shut up. Langdon’s eyes catch mine and I crumble. I utterly fall apart—because he’s smirking. I thought over work and Sunday dinner we’d been getting closer but the proof is twenty feet in front of me staring me in the face. Tears stream down my face and I rush out of the class and into the closest girls’ bathroom before locking myself in a stall.

If there were ever a time to show empathy or that he gave ashit, it was two minutes ago and Langdon did neither because his friends were laughing and he’s a spineless dick. I take a moment to collect myself before leaving the stall to splash some cold water on my face.

I am thoroughly embarrassed and have the inclination to call Gramps and tell him I need to come home. I vow to ignore Langdon at all Sunday dinners from here on out. To never speak to him at work again and to rip every page from my journal that mentions his name.

I pat water one last time on my eyes to help the redness subside when the bathroom door opens.

“Oh, so it’s true?” Hailie says with a little laugh. I groan.

“Excuse me?” I say turning to her.

“The texts going around saying you lost your shit in class.”

Ugh. Of course everyone’s talking to everyone else.I stand up straight and smooth out my shirt.

“Guess so,” I say.

Hailie stands by the door. I clutch the papers to my chest and attempt to head out.

“You know he was using you right?” She says when I’m next to her, palm on the door to open it.

“There was a rumor going around that you were easy, and Lang wanted to find out. He’d never actually go for a girl like you.”

My instinct is to start crying again but I stave it off, instead channeling all my pent-up rage.

Anger at Langdon.

Rage at my mother.

All my unanswered questions about my life. I drop my papers as my hands clench into fists at my sides.

“Weird, rumor has it he won’t go for you either.” I cock my head at her. “Maybe we should start a club.” I push my shoulder past her, partially opening the door.

“You bitch!” Hailie spits.

She lunges at me but I’m on a roll, feeling all the feelings I’ve shoved aside for the last month. As she pushes into me, we fall through the bathroom door into the hall.

She’s a wild, screeching mess of arms and nails. The bell rings and kids start to tumble into the hallway. I plant my feet apart as she swings at me, wind back and clock her square in the nose.

Blood immediately begins gushing from it. Suddenly, the building is too loud. Hoots and whoops and hollers fill the space around me. Hailie is gasping and crying. A weird mix of tears and blood leaking from her face and all I can do is stare as she desperately tries to staunch the blood flow. Two large hands clamp down on my shoulders and steer me away from the carnage.

“Oh shit. OH SHIT!” Niko half screams half laughs. My eyes come into focus and I snap out of my stupor. He looks like a dog doing the tippy tap happy dance. All amped up.

“Niko, stop. Go help Hailie.”

It’s Langdon.

I crane my neck to look up at him, still feeling dazed. Niko clocks him on the shoulder and takes off down the hall while Langdon keeps moving us at a fast clip. A flutter of panic sweeps through me. He pushes me into the boy’s locker room.

One bulb is brighter than the others and it irritates me. A mental image floats across my mind. Me and Mom when I was a kid, arms out to their sides, twirling in endless circles across the yard, pretending to be butterflies. Ireallywant my mom.

I burst out crying. Langdon’s arms encase me, squeezing. I launch a couple sobs directly into his chest. He keeps shushing me and saying everything is ok.