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I shook my head. “Domenico’s mother judges me for both, and it’s her right.”
“Maybe she can’t forgive you for many reasons, but I know you should forgive yourself.”
“I’m not a forgiving man, not toward others and not toward myself.”
Emma touched my cheek. “I can see that. But if you can’t do it for yourself, then maybe do it for us and for the family we’ll one day have.”
After witnessing Samuel’s guilt and sadness at the graveyard, I decided to do something. If he wanted to have any chance of fighting his alcohol problem, he needed to move on and forgive himself. But he would never do it because he didn’t feel like he could.
Leo gave me a questioning look when I told him to take me to Domenico’s parents. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I’ll have to ask Samuel.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Do you have to ask Samuel for permission for every little thing I do?”
“This isn’t a little thing.” He picked up his phone but couldn’t reach Samuel. “He’s questioning someone and not available. We’ll have to wait.”
I shook my head. “Then I’ll call a taxi.”
“That’s not an option.”
“Then drive me there. It’s part of my duty as Samuel’s wife to get to know the families of his soldiers, right?”
Leo looked less than convinced, but he finally started the car. Of course, he tried to call Samuel two more times during the drive.
I wasn’t sure if maybe I was crossing a line I shouldn’t, but I needed to give it a try. Domenico’s family lived in a small house in the suburbs. I didn’t know much about them and had only met Domenico’s mother and brother when she raged in the restaurant. I was a tiny bit anxious about how she’d react, but I was willing to risk her wrath if it meant I could put in a good word for Samuel.
Leo didn’t leave my side as we made our way to the front door and he rang the bell. “I’ll have to interfere if she loses it again. Grief isn’t an apology. It’s been years.”
“Don’t tell her that,” I whispered.
The door opened, and Domenico’s mother stood in front of me. Her eyes widened when she spotted me. She was in a bathrobe and looked slightly disheveled.
“I hope we didn’t wake you,” I said.
She scowled. “Of course not. I prepared my husband and son breakfast before they left to do their duty for the Outfit.”
I could hear that she didn’t think they should still be part of the Outfit.
“I’d like to talk to you if that’s okay.”
She looked at Leo, who regarded her like a ticking time bomb. Then she stepped back and nodded. She left the door open and moved inside. We followed her into a living room. The TV was playing. She sank down in front of it. An ironing board and a heap of crumpled clothes stood off to the side.
I moved closer to her. Leo stopped right behind us. His hovering was unnerving. She looked like someone who struggled with grief and perhaps even depression but not like she would attack me, at least not physically. She met my gaze eventually.
“Samuel misses Domenico too, and I know he’s very sorry.” Leo made a sound that suggested it wasn’t something I should say. Was it really so bad if a man, even one with power, admitted that he was sorry for something like this? “I just thought youshould know. I know that doesn’t bring your son back, but Samuel never meant for any of this to happen.”
“Everyone moves on with their lives, even my husband and son. Everyone can except for Domenico and me.”
I nodded. For a mother to lose her child in this way must have been horrible. It was probably impossible to move on from that. “I don’t know if it would help you, but maybe forgiveness would make some things easier.”
She let out a hollow laugh. “Forgiveness? Did you forgive the man who cost you your legs?” She motioned at my wheelchair.
I didn’t correct her that I still had my legs. I smiled. “I did, eventually.”
“He paid with his life for what he did. Forgiving a dead man is easy because he can’t flaunt his happiness in front of you anymore.”
“I would have forgiven him even if he were alive. His death didn’t change my situation.” I never asked Danilo or Dad to kill him, and I wouldn’t have. His death didn’t change anything for me, except for knowing that in addition to my suffering, his family now grieved too. “Is that what you desire? Samuel’s death?”
My voice broke slightly. I was falling for Samuel a little more every day. Maybe I even loved him, and I wanted to see him fully happy. Thinking that someone other than our enemies wanted him dead hurt my heart.