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“So you still want to be married to me?”
I sighed. “I love you, that hasn’t changed, and I want to spend the rest of our lives together.”
Samuel kissed me lightly. “I’ll make it up to you, everything, the lies, the crash, I swear.”
Ines sat down beside me at the dining table, and she poured herself coffee while I stuck to herbal tea. I’d never been a huge coffee drinker, and since my pregnancy, I abhorred the taste. Not to mention the restlessness I felt due to the caffeine.
Ines had ordered cupcakes from her favorite bakery. “Which one would you like?”
“Passionfruit.” I pointed at the cupcake with white frosting and the orange-black seeds of the fruit on top. I smiled. “I’m still really into everything sour. My lemon water consumption is ridiculous.”
Ines laughed as she took a vanilla cupcake for herself. “Oh, I remember the cravings. Especially with Samuel and Serafina, they were strong, as was my morning sickness.” Wistfulness filled her eyes as she thought about the past.
The thought of being separated from my child brought tears to my eyes. Pregnancy hormones were no joke.
Ines took my hand and squeezed. “I made my peace with it. Deep down, I know Serafina is happy where she is, and that’s enough for me.” She took a small bite from her cupcake with a distant expression. “It was hard for Samuel. Especially because he lost not just his twin but also three of his best friends. He can’t stop blaming himself.”
“I know.”
“He told me about his alcohol problem when he came here from the hospital. I’ve had my suspicions. But I didn’t think it was this serious.”
Relief flooded me that Samuel had found the courage to talk about this with his mother. Admitting to his problem was hopefully the first step toward recovery. I wanted nothing more.
“It is,” I whispered.
“You’re not going to leave, are you?”
I took her hand. “I’ll be honest with you. I considered it. I don’t want our child to find him passed out on the floor stinking of bourbon.”
“Did that really happen?”
I nodded, hating to tell her about this. “Is it okay if Samuel and I spend a few days with you? We think it’s for the best if Samuel has additional family support during this time. Pietro can keep him in check better than I do, and they are together at work too so he can make sure Samuel doesn’t consume alcohol then.”
“I’ll throw away all of our alcohol. I don’t want Samuel to be tempted. And I’ll ask our cook to prepare our Christmas meals without alcohol.”
“Can you help me remove the alcohol from our place too? I don’t know if Samuel has any hiding places except for his car, the garage, and his office.”
Ines’s face pinched. “He shouldn’t have hidden this from you.”
“That’s part of being an addict. But he swore he would never keep a secret like this from me again.”
Later that day, we gathered all the flasks and bottles in a basket so Pietro could take them away. Samuel also revealed two hiding places in our house, in one of his clothes drawers and the weaponry in the basement, and Pietro threw away everything while Samuel and I packed a suitcase for the next few days. I really hoped that there weren’t any more hiding places that Samuel hadn’t told us about, but he had sworn to me that he wasserious, and I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I knew addiction was a strong opponent, but Samuel was stronger.
Just one more taste before I end it for good. It’s a shame to let the expensive whisky that Renato gifted me go to waste. A final goodbye.
The words had thrummed in my head incessantly during the drive to our house, and it took considerable effort for me to reveal where I hid said bottle. Now that Dad had thrown away everything, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
Emma and I had agreed that it would be best for us to move in with my parents for a couple of days. Emma was worried about the physical and mental withdrawal effects. I wasn’t too worried. I had been trained to withstand torture. I had already lived through hell. What kind of withdrawal symptoms could possibly be worse than what I had experienced over the years? But I wanted to show Emma how serious I was.
Moving back in with my parents felt strange, even if it was just for a week tops and during Christmastime. Especially since Emma was with me. I’d be under constant surveillance. WhenEmma and I settled in our bedroom on the day after the crash, she gave me a look full of confidence and trust. That wasn’t something I wanted to break.
I hadn’t drunk since last night shortly before the crash. Less than twenty-four hours without alcohol. I didn’t feel too bad yet, except for a slight headache and a sense of restlessness that made me want to go jogging at full speed.
During dinner, Mom and Dad kept throwing glances my way as if they were waiting for any obvious signs of withdrawal. My shirt stuck to my clammy back, but that wasn’t something I wanted to share with them. Danilo and Sofia weren’t having dinner with us. They’d decided to go to one of Sofia’s favorite places in the city. It was probably because Dad worried that Danilo and I would get into a fight. Danilo had sent me several threatening messages, but I hadn’t replied. I understood his anger. I had fucked up last night, and something like that would never happen again.
“We’ll decide tomorrow if you’re fit to accompany me to the newest casino in St. Paul.”
“I’ll be fine, Dad. My symptoms are hardly worth mentioning, and I doubt that will change. I didn’t get drunk every day.”