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I swallowed hard, more tears gathering in my eyes. I’d always thought I’d never be with someone with an alcohol problem, but here I was. I squeezed Danilo’s hand. “Give us some privacy.”
Pietro stepped outside, and after a hard look at Samuel, Danilo followed him and closed the door.
Samuel lowered his head, his shoulders sagging. He shook his head, his eyes squeezing shut. “Danilo is right. You shouldn’t forgive me for this. Fuck, I’m a lying asshole who almost killed you and our child. I don’t deserve you, and I probably never will.”
“Not with the way you acted these past few months, no.” I shifted until I perched on the edge of the bed. I glared at him.“I’m so angry and disappointed. You promised, and you lied. Did you even try to stop drinking?”
He ran a hand through his hair, then winced. “I thought I could control it.”
“But you can’t! The alcohol is in control. How can I ever leave you alone with our baby if I have to be worried you can’t take care of it because you’re drunk.”
Samuel moved closer, grabbed my hands resting on my lap, and sank down on his knees. He kissed my knuckles and pressed his forehead against them. “There are no words to express how sorry I am. I hate myself more than you can ever understand, Emma. I know I shouldn’t ask you for this, but forgive me.” He peered up, his eyes locking on mine with almost feverish despair. “I can’t live without you.”
“I’m fine and so is our baby, but it could have ended very differently.”
“I know,” Samuel murmured, looking up with a haunted look in his eyes. He kissed my knuckles again. It was almost physically painful not to return his touch, not to fall into his arms, but I needed to be strong for past Emma and for our unborn baby. “I haven’t stopped thinking of what could have happened. Maybe it’s my fate to kill the people closest to me. I killed my friends, and I almost killed you.”
I glared. “Don’t blame this on fate, Samuel. This time, it was on you. Fate isn’t the problem. Your addiction is. You have to stop drinking.”
“I know,” Samuel said. “I love you more than anything.”
I swallowed, fighting the surge of emotions his declaration caused in me. Love declarations weren’t enough, not anymore. “More than alcohol?”
“Of course, more than anything.”
“Then let today be the last day you ever touch alcohol. You need to stop. No exceptions, not even at social functions ormeetings with other Underbosses. No exemptions at all. You’re an alcoholic, and you can’t control it. I don’t want a single drop of alcohol in our house. I love you, Samuel. I love you so much, but that won’t stop me this time.” Tears blurred my vision. “I won’t watch alcohol destroy the man that I love. I won’t stand by and allow it to hurt our baby. And I won’t be lied to or allow you to endanger me because you think you can control your addiction. I have fought too hard for this life to allow anyone to destroy it. Not even the man I love.”
“Emma, I swear on everything I hold dear that I won’t drink ever again. You’re right.” He swallowed hard. “I’m not in control of this.” He let out a bitter laugh. “I thought I was too strong to become an alcoholic. But I’m not. I don’t fucking care if everyone finds out about my weakness as long as that means I can keep you.”
“You’re not weak for admitting you have a problem. You’re taking back control of your life. Fighting your addiction will be the hardest fight of your life, but it’ll make you the strongest version of yourself that you’ve ever been.”
Samuel pushed up to his feet and touched my cheeks. I could tell he wanted to kiss me, and part of me wanted him to, but I knew I needed to keep a certain distance until Samuel made good on his words.
“You can’t win this fight alone.”
“I have you, right? You have fought so many battles and won. You are all I need.”
I touched his cheek. “I’ll be by your side every step of the way, but it’s not enough.”
“You’re right. I’ll ask my father for help.”
I gave him a small smile. “You can do it. I believe in you.”
“For you, I will succeed.”
Emma was supposed to spend the remainder of the night in the hospital to make sure she was okay. Danilo stayed with her. I didn’t like it, but Emma had made it clear that she needed some time to herself. I had fucked up.
If Emma or the baby had gotten seriously hurt, I would have never forgiven myself. Losing my friends would have been nothing in comparison. My pride had almost hurt the person I loved the most.
Dad kept glancing at me on our way home. Emma had asked me to spend the night with my parents so they could make sure I didn’t drink. Right this moment, I was still too furious at myself to drink, but I wasn’t sure how long that would last. I couldn’t deny my problem anymore. I had lied to myself and to Emma for far too long.
Exhaustion caught up with me. It was three in the morning, and I hadn’t slept more than fifteen minutes, but I knew I wouldn’t find peaceful sleep tonight.
“In only two weeks, you’ll take over from me.”
“That won’t change. My ability to do what’s required for the Outfit hasn’t suffered, and it won’t. I won’t admit to my problemin public. I only want the closest family to know. I need to appear strong.”
Dad nodded. “We’ll handle the situation as a family even though I wish we didn’t have to tell your mother. She’ll be worried sick.”