Page 55
Story: 40 Ways to Watch Me Die
“When it comes to our good intentions and having a caring heart, we are virtually twin souls in our thinking.”
I smiled and took his hand. “Okay, I’m charmed with ya. Let’s go to bed.”
“I agree. We should remove ourselves to our quarters because the demon wolves are patrolling tonight. Dylan is training them.”
“Good Goddess...” I said, hanging my head to sigh.
“Would you like me and Zara to pick out a horse for her experiment? She’s become quite the equine expert this week.”
“But I haven’t said yes to her doing it.”
“Life is going to move forward, Aran. This is the right thing to do for her and the wolves. Genetic manipulation is Zara’s life’s work. She is better at it than I am. The horse will not be harmed. It will be evolved.”
“She’s going to give itwings, Rasmus. She’s going to make a flying horse. We already have to hide the demon wolves. How are we going to hide a pegasus?”
He pulled me up and we started walking. His fingers tightened around mine. “You can fashion a talisman for the horse to wear that will hide its converted form. The point of the change is not to give a normal horse wings. It is to increase the horse’s sentience so it can communicate to any creature it chooses like other pegasi do. The temperament we choose will determine the converted creature’s behavior.”
I thought about telling him I planned to pick a mean horse, one that had a habit of kicking and biting. Maybe it would bite Zara. I think I would enjoy that.
“No, you wouldn’t,” Rasmus said.
“Are ya reading my mind again?”
“Not everything, but you’ve been broadcasting two thoughts very loudly. One is wishing you had killed Ezra. The other is about a baby. Are you wanting a baby?”
“No, and I can’t have anymore. They removed too many important parts from me after Fiona was born.”
“Nothing is impossible. You can be repaired. I could fix you.”
Of course, he could. How very non-neutral of him. I had a choice. I could either tell Rasmus I was daydreaming or admit a truth I wasn’t ready for him to know.
“It was just a thought to distract myself from how bad my luck is at the moment. Women of all ages have the occasional urge for a baby, but it passes.”
“If the urge persists for you, will you tell me?”
“Yes,” I said with total honesty. “But I don’t think I’m up for raising a guardian baby, Rasmus. Are you interested in being a father?”
“Will you think poorly of me if I say no?” he asked.
“No, I would think we were perfectly suited to each other at this time of our lives.” And I meant that with every cell of my being. “Is your lack of fatherly urges because you had to kill your nephilim children?”
Rasmus nodded. “Yes, that is partly the reason. I believe I have some long-term trauma from the event. When I think of all that is required for raising a child from scratch, I feel very tired for no logical reason. Then, I can only think about how to avoid having children. This cycle of thinking kept me celibate for centuries.”
My laughter rang out through the night. “That’s exactly how I feel about small children. Raising one child was all I could handle. We’re of like minds about this, Rasmus.”
“Just so you know, not all nephilim children died, Aran. Those that were not abnormal—that were not obviously the children of watchers—were hidden by their mothers. My brethren and I did not look hard for them. We had killed them to the point of not being able to do more. Taking a life rips away part of your soul. It was damaging for everyone involved.”
“Yes, I’m sure it was,” I said, squeezing his fingers with mine. “Didn’t you get in trouble for not getting rid of all the hybrid children?”
“No. Numbers and results were never spoken of by anyone I knew. It is like we surrendered the fate of those children we missed to their mothers. We also secretly prayed the Creators never punished us for our actions. I understand it better now because I’m feeling the same guilt over things I do for you. I need to believe intentions matter.”
It was all so sad and it made me so curious. “What kind of punishment would you have gotten for sparing their lives?”
Rasmus pondered that for a full minute before answering. “It might have been stasis for several centuries or a completereturn to our light being forms, followed by banishment from the planet.”
“Because normal death isn’t an option for yer kind,” I said in understanding.
Rasmus smiled at me with that superior yet smugly tolerant smile of his. I dreaded hearing his next words, but I’d started this conversation. It was only fair for me to listen to the lecture at the end of it.
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