Page 63 of You Chive Me Crazy

“I have feelings for you,” I blurted out.

As soon as the words slipped out of my mouth, my brain screamed, “Abort mission!” But it was too late. I’d already dug myself a hole so deep, I could practically hear the earth’s core mocking me.

“I’m kidding,” I said, wondering if that was just going to make it worse. “Sort of. I mean, I do like you. But I didn't mean to say it like that. Okay, maybe I meant to say it like that, but I didn't mean for you to hear it. Pretend it never happened.” My mouth just kept flapping like a dying fish, spewing out more crap than a broken sewer pipe. “Forget I’m even here right now. Like, poof, I’m a figment of your imagination. Or, better yet, forget I exist altogether. We have never met. You are gettingsleeeeeepy. Verysleeeeeepy.”

Smooth move, Romeo.

Now she probably thought I was a total lunatic. I mean, I may have been a little crazy for her, but not in the literal sense. Why did I have to confess my feelings like some kind of lovesick puppy? I might as well have just sent her a note, “Wanna be my girlfriend? Yes, no, check one” in the most awkward way possible.

Ugh, I'm such an idiot.

A big, blabbering idiot.

If only I could rewind time and glue my mouth shut. But alas, I was stuck here in this cringe-worthy moment, regretting every word that I belched, wondering how she was going to take it.

I could hear my heart pounding in my chest as I waited for her response, but she wasn’t saying a word. The only sound was the crickets chirping outside, probably all of them pointing their little cricket fingers at me and laughing.

The silence from Zoe was deafening.

“Say something,” I whispered.

A light snore coming from her side of the bed.

Wait a minute . . .

I froze, listening again, making sure I wasn’t hearing things.

Then there was another soft snore, which was more like music to my ears.

She had fallen asleep!

I breathed a sigh of relief, even though I wanted to scream hallelujah.

Grateful I hadn’t made a fool of myself, I still wondered what had possessed me to say such things. She had just barely started tolerating me. It was way too soon for feelings. Luckily, I got out of it unscathed, but I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if she had been awake.

Would she have told me she also had feelings?

Or would she have laughed in my face?

It didn’t matter.

The weight of my confession no longer hung over me like a dark cloud. It was time to move on. Maybe I could just take my nervousness as a sign to slow things down a bit. Get to know her better before I jumped headfirst into something I wasn’t ready for. Or something she wasn’t ready for.

After all, patience was a virtue.

Although there was one slight problem with that rationale.

I had never been a patient man.

ChapterThirteen

ZOE

I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt so comfy and cozy in the morning. Without a doubt, it must have been one of the best nights of sleep I’d had in weeks, maybe months. I yawned, then stretched, but stopped abruptly when something felt very odd with the sheets.

They were rougher.

And hairier.