Page 49 of You Chive Me Crazy

“Please excuse me—I really should go get that room ready.” Betsy disappeared inside when my phone rang.

“Hey,” I said on the first ring. “How are you feeling?”

“Fantastic!” Rolando said.

I laughed. “Why am I not surprised you’d say that after getting canned?”

“You know me well,” he said.

I was going to have to call him “Resilient Rolando.” It was like he let nothing negative affect him. I admired him for that.

“Is this one of your mind-over-matter situations?” I asked. “Like, if you avoid thinking about it, you won’t know it sucks? You just got fired.”

“No,” Rolando said firmly. “This is fate, man; believe me! This is just an opportunity for me to up my game. It happened for a reason and I need to take advantage of the situation. Many people settle for something safe or just go through the motions in life. They don’t rock the boat because of fear, when what they really should do is go for what they really want, and dive into the water headfirst.”

“You got pushed in, dude,” I said.

“Well then, it’s a good thing I’ve got my floaties on!” Rolando chuckled.

“What was the Dickster’s reason for firing you?”

“He said they’re moving in a different direction.”

“What does that even mean?” I asked. “You’re the best editor at the magazine, the best editor I know. A different direction would be to hire someone crappy.”

“Maybe they want to bring in someone cheaper since I’m the highest-paid editor at the magazine.Wasthe highest paid. It doesn’t really matter.”

“Please tell me you at least got some type of severance package,” I said.

“Three months,” Rolando said. “This gives me infinite possibilities. Now, I just need to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.” He laughed again.

“Looks like I’ll be joining you if I’m next on the chopping block. What do you know about that?”

“I have some theories, but it’s not worth worrying about,” he said.

“Nobody worries better than me.”

“It’s completely out of your control. It’s not like you’ve been fulfilled at your job. Better to figure out your next bold move instead of putting a patch on something that’s just going to break again soon.”

That was the part that made little sense to me.

Yes, I was unfulfilled—had been for a while—but my popularity level was at an all-time high. Why would the Dickster want to get rid of a good thing?

“Okay, forget about that for now,” Rolando said. “Tell me about you and Zoe.”

Here we go . . .

He was going to push his romantic, serendipitous agenda on me and say the two of us would get married by the end of the year.

“There’s nothing to tell,” I lied.

“Liar,” he said. “You’re sharing a bed with a woman you’ve always thought was a total knockout. She kissed you back in culinary school and you wouldn’t shut up about it for six months. Then when she moved away, you were depressed for a year.”

I’m sure it was longer than that.

“Plus, now you’re taking care of her!” Rolando added. “Not all people are so selfless. Did you at least take my advice and tell her the truth?”

“Yes.”