Page 9

I hate him. I hate his stupid, dark hair, and his grin. I hate the stubble he’s let grow; it makes him look older and more mature. I hate the way he can still stand before me with all the confidence in the world and pretend he doesn’t know how big of an asshole he is.

I’ve never hated someone more than I hate this man.

“You really rolled out the welcome mat back there.”

I don’t even startle at Josie’s voice from behind me. It honestly took her longer than I thought it would to get back up to the offices and confront me about what happened. “He got what he deserved.”

She moves further into the room, but I stay focused on the computer screen in front of me. “I’m not really in a position to judge that. You’ve never told me what happened between you.”

“You don’t need to know everything, Josie.”

“I’d like to know when someone does something to hurt my best friend,” she counters.

“And I’d like to keep things that could hurt my best friend away from her.” Over the years, we’ve gotten good at this weird banter, where we actively avoid topics while still giving each other enough information in the hope the other will back off. “Just let me handle this. ”

“You haven’t handled it, Mia.”

They say the truth hurts, but it hurts more when it comes from your best friend.

I turn to look at her. She’s sitting in her own desk chair, but she’s watching me.

“Josie, I need you to trust me on this one. I have handled it. This isn’t something I can move on from and pretend everything is good.

Whatever friendship Ronan and I had is gone, and it’s not coming back.

You know me. You know I wouldn’t cut someone off like this unless it was absolutely necessary. ”

Her shoulders slump in defeat. “Yeah, you’re right. I just…I always thought the two of you were into each other.”

The laugh comes out sharply. “Trust me, nothing about me is something Ronan O’Brien wants unless it’s just for sex.”

“Do you really think he’s still like that?”

I consider the question for a second. There had been a time in my life when I didn’t think he was like that at all.

That his whole reputation was nothing more than a mask for him to wear.

Then his reputation—his truth—hit me in the face.

“People can say they change—they can even show actions to support it, but who we are at our core is a lot harder to change.”

Her frown deepens. “So that’s a yes?”

“I don’t know the man, Josie,” I reply with a shrug. “I’m not sure I ever really did.”

Sighing, she reaches for her mouse and wakes her computer up. I take that as a sign to turn back to my work. “I really wanted him to be different.”

God , I thought to myself, me too.

Ronan O’Brien is everywhere .

I go to the gym to get in a quick workout before any of the swimmers get there, and he’s already there.

Lifting weights or doing yoga. Which is crazy because when the hell did Ronan start doing yoga?

I remember him making fun of yoga, and insisting the intense stretching routine his coach had him doing wasn’t that.

I leave the pool in the evening, and he’s finishing up whatever he had going on for the day. There’s no escaping him, especially now that he’s settling into the seat across from me at my favorite local café.

I glare at him over the top of my laptop, but he shrugs. “There aren’t any other seats. What do you expect me to do?”

I don’t need to look around to know he’s telling the truth; the café was already packed when I arrived, and it’s gotten worse since students were released from classes. “Take it to go.”

Those are the first words I’ve said to him in nearly a week.

Every time we’ve bumped into one another, he’s tried to start a conversation with me, but I haven’t let him.

I’ve walked away or ignored him. That’s going to be harder to do now.

Especially because he knows I won’t back down.

I’m not going to be the one to get up and leave.

I was here first, and he’s encroaching on my territory.

“Just say whatever you need to say to me, Ronan, and then you can leave.”

His green eyes flick down to the drink by the edge of my laptop. “What the hell is that?”

“Frozen hot chocolate.” Small talk I can do, if I have to.

His brow furrows. “I know you hate hot beverages, but doesn’t that defeat the entire purpose of a hot chocolate?” He grins when he sees the surprise I know is written all over my face. “Yeah, Mia, I remember stuff like that about you. I did listen. ”

“But didn’t stick around long enough for any real sort of connection.”

His grin disappears, a blank look taking its place. “I think it’s pretty clear you never told Josie about what happened that night in Omaha.”

I hate him for bringing it up so casually. “What was there to tell?”

He doesn’t back down. “The two of you tell each other everything. Why doesn’t she know? Is it because you didn’t want to steal her limelight? You know, two best friends are allowed to have their own separate hookups on the same night. One person doesn’t get all the bragging rights.”

No one gets under my skin as easily as he does. He knows all the buttons to push to irritate me. Once upon a time, it used to be funny and even a little cute. Now it felt patronizing. “What would I even tell her? That your reputation as a player and womanizer turned out to be true?”

Something flashes across his eyes, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. “That’s the fun thing about a reputation, I guess. It means you don’t have to worry about disappointing people.”

How many people has he said that to throughout the years? How many people were just another tally mark to him? And why is it so easy for him to brush people and their feelings aside?

“Do you remember the day we met? Back in Charlotte?”

A boyish grin tugs over his lips. The same one that caught my heart all those years ago, the one that led me to that hotel room with him, and the one that told me if I let go, this man would catch me. My heart would be safe with him. I was so na?ve.

“Of course I do. As I recall, you brought a rather literal meaning to falling head over heels for me.”

My eyes narrow. “Your bag tripped me. ”

“And I caught you,” he brags. “What made you think about that day? I mean, besides the obvious fact that I’m sitting across from you.”

“Sometimes I find myself thinking about what I would say to the younger version of myself if I were to go back in time.”

His look is skeptical. “Okay, I’ll bite. What would you tell her?”

“To run like hell from you.” He blinks, utterly surprised. It’s a personal victory of mine whenever I can make this man flustered. Whenever I can make his confidence slip. “I should have walked away and never looked back.”

He blinks rapidly, my words soaking in. “Mia—”

“Please leave, Ronan. I have a deadline to meet for a client and I have nothing else to say to you.”

He doesn’t say anything else, just stands from his seat, and heads toward the exit.

I take a deep, shaky breath before I slowly turn to watch him go.

When I do, his head is already turned back toward me.

He looks at me like he’s staring at a stranger.

I’m not a vindictive person by nature, but something about that felt right.

I’d spent the last several years feeling like I was looking at someone I don’t know. Now it’s his turn.

When he catches me looking, he quickly turns, and leaves the café, the door swinging shut behind him. I don’t know what this means or where this will lead us, but I’m pretty sure it’s not going to help the work situation.

After a full week of Ronan being back in my life, I decide I need a distraction. I need to focus on something other than his stupidly handsome face that I want to punch .

The only thing I can think of is Joy’s advice to get back out there. Maybe if I find someone else, I can stop thinking about the person I could have had something real with. If only he hadn’t disappointed me the way everyone else does.

I download every single app I can find. Then immediately delete half of them.

I spend the night setting up my profiles, skimming through the options, deleting profiles, and repeating it all until I am left with only two apps and a handful of matches pouring in.

Columbia is a huge college town, but there is still a surprising number of young professionals in the area, too.

The more I flip through prospective match after prospective match, the more I begin to relax. I have options.

And none of these options are Ronan O’Brien.

There are few people who stand out more than others, which shouldn’t be a surprise, but I’m almost alarmed at how easy it feels to fall back into dating like this.

Which is probably because there aren’t any stakes, not really.

I match with someone, we either talk or don’t.

It starts to get tricky when an actual date is brought into the conversation.

I’m not sure when I’ll be ready for that part, though.

I don’t do vulnerable well. Only the people closest to me get to see that side. Joy wanted progress, and I think downloading the app is more than enough progress. We can start there and see where the rest of the week takes us.