Page 45

Normally, I love the stillness of Ronan's place. Especially when I'm snuggled into his insanely comfortable bed with a wall of muscle against my back and a tiny, but rapidly growing, fluff ball at my side. But this morning, I hate it.

He leaves for California today.

He plans to be in San Fracisco for three days, and though he booked his return flight and everything, something about it doesn’t feel right.

His vagueness about what he's doing out there isn't sitting well with me.

I know he has a business in need of his attention, but telling me he's got meetings about the future of it and the places it'll go, has fear settling heavy in the pit of my stomach.

He never realizes I'm awake, and I'm okay with it. I don't feel like talking. I don’t feel like trying to figure out if his vagueness is to keep me from getting my hopes up or if it’s because he already knows he might end up breaking my heart.

He's always been restless. He has always loved traveling for meets or modeling gigs; I've always known that.

This time, though, I let myself believe he'd found something to make him want to stay.

And now I'm facing the consequences. The second he walks out the door, I feel like it's the beginning of goodbye.

My back is still to the door when I hear him come back into the room. A second later, I feel Lezak curl into the bend of my legs. It pulls a small smile from me, the way he doesn't care about personal space like his owner.

I lie completely still, listening as he finishes moving around the room to gather the rest of his things. Hearing the sound of his bag zipping is like nails on a chalkboard. I squeeze my eyes shut when I feel him kneel on the bed, leaning toward me.

A warm hand gently squeezes my arm. "Baby," he whispers, squeezing again. "Wake up, gorgeous."

"Hmm?" I roll over, disturbing the puppy in the process, but I try my best to act like I'd just woken up. I blink up at him sleepily. "What's going on?"

His smile is soft, adoring even. He pushes a strand of hair from my face. My eyes flutter closed as his skin brushes my temple. "Hi, baby. You can go back to sleep, but I wanted to tell you goodbye and that I'll miss you."

My eyes drift closed again when he presses a kiss to my lips. I want to reach out, pull him back into bed, and refuse to let him go. Once I have him back in my arms, I'll beg him not to go.

Instead of doing that, I kiss him once more and ask him to keep me updated. “I love you” is on the tip of my tongue, but I swallow it down. He gives me one more kiss and another pet to Lezak before he's leaving .

I listen as he moves through the house. I don't hear the front door open or close, which makes me hold my breath. Maybe he changed his mind. Maybe he isn't actually leaving, and he'll be back in my arms any second.

But then I hear the garage door open and the sound of his SUV starting.

The tears are falling before I even know they've welled up. It's so stupid to be crying over this. I don't even know what's going to happen. It's not like he stood in front of me and declared he was moving back to California. It's not like he told me he was choosing a different state over me.

But I do know history repeats itself and my history shows that people never stick around forever. And history also tells me Ronan O'Brien doesn't stick around in one place for too long, regardless of who he leaves behind.

And this time, it looks like I'm the one he's leaving.

“Shit,” I curse under my breath.

Lezak lifts his head, watching me frantically pick up piles of notebooks and other things thrown over Ronan’s counter in search of my phone.

The ringing stops but picks back up seconds later.

Which tells me it’s Ronan, and he’s trying to tell me to take a break.

Which, when I glance at the time on my laptop, I realize I haven’t done for a couple of hours.

“Aha!” I declare, showing the dog my phone. He looks unimpressed, dropping his head back to his paws. I answer the phone. “Your dog has a problem with judging people. ”

Ronan’s deep laugh echoes in my ear. I’d give anything to be in his arms right now, feeling the way that laugh rumbles through his chest. His arms would hold me tighter. It’s fine, though. I need to wait a few more hours. A few more hours and he’ll be back home.

“Is he actually judging you or are you doing something ridiculous in front of him, only to be disappointed in his lack of validation?”

I sputter at the joke that hits too close to home, and he laughs again. “Therapy isn’t until Monday, Ronan,” I grumble. “You’re lucky I’m letting you get away with a joke like that.”

“I know. I thought only Josie would be able to.”

“And you were willing to risk it?”

“Eh,” he says, probably with a shrug of his shoulders. “What’s that saying about no guts, no glory? Besides, your reaction helped me prove a point to myself.”

“Oh, yeah?” I lean back in my chair. “And what point would that be?”

“That you like me,” he says smugly.

Well, two can play that game. “Gee, what gave it away? The fact I’m on the phone with you or the fact I moved into your stupidly big condo for the week you’ve been in California?”

“About California…”

Everything shifts. He goes from lighthearted to unnervingly quiet. Warning lights are flashing in my mind, telling me to brace for the impact I’ve been ignoring but subconsciously waiting for. Ronan is the type of person who belongs in California, after all.

“I need to extend my trip.” The statement feels like a stab through my heart. I didn’t brace hard enough. “Only for two days. Can you watch Lezak for a couple more days?”

The life I allowed myself to dream of is starting to crumble around me. And the only person I have to blame for it is myself. I can’t believe I let myself do this again, let myself actually believe that a woman like me could get someone like Ronan to stick around.

He must take my silence as a no. “It’s okay if you’re busy, babe. I can see if Bryce or Carter can take him—”

“No, it’s fine. I can watch him.” I might as well get all the puppy time I can. “Sorry, I was thinking over my schedule. Besides, they would be the worst dog sitters.”

“What makes you think that?” His tone is adoring, and I really wish he’d stop talking to me like that. Especially if he’s going to end up breaking my heart.

“Bryce would never agree to watch him because Josie would be able to talk him into getting a dog. And Carter would have Lezak so spoiled so quickly.” I shake my head even though he can’t see me. “I’m not convinced you’d ever get him back.”

Ronan lets out another one of those laughs, but this time it feels bittersweet, and I want to run away from it. “Did you just accuse our friend of dognapping?”

“I accused him of having the potential to be a dognapper,” I correct. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

“I can’t,” he admits, which makes me feel a little smug.

Silence settles between us again, which means the one question that’s on the tip of my tongue comes bubbling out. “So, only two days and then you’ll be back?”

The way he sighs into the phone doesn’t help my mounting anxiety. “Yeah, that’s the plan. We’ll see what the next few days bring after this meeting.”

“What’s the meeting about?” I’m not even sure it’s really my place to ask a question like this, but I can’t help wondering.

“Just something to do with finances. I’ll tell you more about it later. When I get back, though, we should go to dinner. There are some things we need to talk about. ”

What kind of things? Things like, “They need me back here, so I have to move back to California”?

Things like, “There are projects all over the nation that absolutely need Ronan O’Brien and his restless heart can’t turn them down”?

I don’t want to force him to choose between me and Operation Fly.

I wish I could know if there was a reason the choice needed to be made.

“Yeah, I think we do,” I agree quietly.

“Don’t worry about it, baby. I’ll be home before you know it.”

I wonder if the promise feels as hollow to him as it does to me.

“I’ll see you in a couple of days,” I assure him. “I gotta go.”

Hanging up the phone, I look down at Lezak, who’s staring up at me with wide-eyed love. I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to lose him—Ronan or the dog—but I feel like I’m sitting on a ticking time bomb and everything’s about to go up in pieces. Including my heart.

I look up at the knock on my office door to find Bryce standing there, phone in hand and a grim look on his face. "I heard from Ronan. Do you want to talk about it?"

My brow arches. "Do you want to talk about why you still haven't proposed to Josie?"

He takes a tentative step into the room. "I'll talk if you talk."

Normally, Bryce wouldn’t be the first person I’d go to with a feeling like this, but we’re on equal footing now.

He knows sides of Ronan—pieces of Ronan’s life—that I can only hope to.

I’m still learning how things shifted for him following the accident.

Still learning how to exist in the same place as him, instead of seeing him a couple of times a year.

It took me a long time to realize that sometimes it’s much easier to have a relationship over the phone than in person.

And I know Josie better than anyone. Maybe aside from the man standing in my office.

In that instance, it’s not that he knows her better; he knows her differently.

I’ve been there from the beginning of them.

I know how anxious he is to get this right; I need to make him understand that there’s no such thing as perfect. It has to be right.

“Sit down.” I wave him in. He quickly moves into the office, the door swinging shut behind him. If Josie, or anyone else, were to come up here now, they’d assume we’re having a marketing meeting and wouldn’t disturb us. “Who goes first?”