Page 139 of X's and O's

“I don’t care what his name is. He is Daddy to me.” He winked. “Even if it was you getting spanked.”

“He didn’t spank me!”

Toby blew on his nails. “No? You were doing an awful lot of moaning for a girl who hadn’t been very, very bad.”

I threw a cushion at him. “Stop it. You’re the worst.”

He nudged me with one of his perfectly polished toes. “You know I’m just teasing. I like any man who treats you well. And of the three of them you’ve got following you around like lost puppies, he’s the only one who fits that brief. The other two can go jump in a lake full of toads.”

“Agreed.”

“So we aren’t going to open those letters, are we? We’re just going to burn them with locks of hair and salt or whatever other witchy earthy goddess thing we do to banish the spirits of stupid men.”

I squinted at the pile that had been taunting me for days. “How about I just read one?”

Toby sighed in defeat. “Well, it’ll have to be this most recent one because the other envelopes are empty.”

“What?”

Toby cringed sheepishly. “I might have steamed the open and burned the letters inside.”

My mouth dropped open. “What the hell, Toby? That was my mail!”

“I know! I know. It was wrong, but, Vi, I was so fucking mad. He hurt you! And I would go to war for you, girly-pop.” He grabbed my hand. “Please don’t be mad at me. I was blinded by temporary insanity.”

“Did you even read the letters?”

He lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “Well, of course. Because I’m a nosy bi-atch. But I swear they didn’t say anything interesting. Just a whole lot of I’m sorry. I know I fucked up. I’m in love with you and—”

“WHAT?”

Toby paused.

I stared at him. “He said he loves me?”

He screwed up his face. “Well, yeah. But that’s not anything new.” His eyes widened. “Is it?”

“Yes, it’s new! Of course it’s new! He really said he loves me?”

Toby squinted at me. “Vi, I’ve barely seen glimpses of the man, but even I can tell he’s head over heels for you. He has been for months. Every letter he wrote you made that more and more clear. And then he went all caveman on Whip. And then there was the whole buying you a bike thing. Was it not obvious to you that this is how straight men show love?”

“No, it was not! Clearly. The only man who has ever told me he loves me is X, who is completely batshit crazy, and you! And you just say it to my face like a normal person.”

“Oh, sweetie. Straight men are dumb. They can’t help it.”

“Apparently I am too.”

“You are a queen.”

I sighed. “You make it really hard to stay angry at you. But I can’t believe you burned his letters.”

“I know. I’m the worst. I’ll do your laundry for a week to make up for it.”

I eyed him. “For a month.”

“Deal.” He picked up the letter he’d just brought in from outside. “I haven’t had a chance to burn this one yet, so you should probably go ahead and open it before I get itchy fingers.”

I gave him a withering look.