Page 74 of WitchCurse
“Seers rarely provide answers. They mayseethe future, but the way they share is all riddles. Useless. Even to the scholarly. They could debate for ages the meaning of a seer’s words and still be wrong.”
“Often they were wrong,” Toby agreed. His fingers ran in wide circles around the mark, not close enough to irritate it. “I don’t think these marks bind the darkness. I think that is all on you. I think they steal your strength. But to keep the darkness locked away, if that is the necessary goal, you need power. Does any of this make sense?”
“You know what freeing the darkness does,” I reminded him of the memory Nick had shared with him.
“When overfed with fae magic, yes.”
“Freeing it is not the answer.”
“No,” Toby agreed. “At least not until we know more.” He lay beside me for a while, fingers running over my skin as though exploring, not exactly a caress, and not sexual, but fascinated. I didn’t even look to see if my skin was still gray and lifeless, it didn’t feel that way, my nerves oversensitive to the touch now that the curses were removed. There were still scars, faint, but mild lines I could feel in muted touch beneath the winding chains of the scion bond burned into my flesh.
“I don’t fear the darkness,” Toby said after a while, and pressed a finger to my lips to keep me from protesting. “Let me finish. It’s always been a part of you, right?”
“Since childhood, yes,” I agreed when his finger moved to trace my lips instead of silence me.
“The forest god…spirit, the one who followed you as a child, taught you to control it?”
“I fed on the shadows and that bit of darkness had to go somewhere. We didn’t speak of power and control. I was a child. Philosophy, and the idea that I was the death and destruction of all reality, wouldn’t have meant much to me.”
“Did the forest spirit act like you were death and destruction?” Toby asked.
“No. We played. I danced to the song of their branches in the wind, hunted the shadows and squirrels, and slept nestled within the mossy roots of its trunk. A wild thing, unfettered, and free.” The memory faded, and I wondered if it were real, that wild freedom, without worry and ever curious. I couldn’t recall really focusing on the darkness at all. Knew it had been there, a bite of what I ate, but never enough to really matter as often I shed energy back into the ground and any disquiet vanished. “Sometimes I wonder if it were all a dream instead of a memory.”
“You could fly. Race along the wind like some sort of spirit yourself. Can you still do that?”
“No.”
“Do you remember when it stopped?”
When theHuntattacked and dragged me back to Underhill. “I never flew while in Underhill. Might have been helpful in battle, but it wasn’t possible. Some of the higher fae can fly. Not that I even tried.” I could sense that something had changed when I’d been dragged back. Something sundered in me that I would never find again.
“I wonder if there is a balance somewhere that you are missing,” Toby said absently, his gaze focused on my face. “Life in general is balance. The wolf and human, life and death, it’s all a balance. You ate the shadows today, which would have added to the darkness, does it feel stronger? Like it’s fighting to be free?”
I thought about that for a while, sinking into the depths of my shields deep within my soul, usually buried deep enough I rarely felt more than a twinge from it. I could imagine myself standing before the barrier, peering into the reflection of the monster within, thinking I could see it rage and batter at the ward, but all was silent. I’d used power to strengthen the wall between it and me when Nick had tried to approach it.
“It doesn’t feel any different, though there is always a touch of the shadows that I stuff away.”
“And the rest of the energy you shed back into the ground? Sebastian said the area of the forest is growing, early for spring, but the sprouts seem strong. As long as we don’t have another hard freeze, they should be fine. Though it will take a while for the trees to regrow. Was that instinct too? To shed the magic back into the ground?”
“I didn’t feel the need to keep it,” I said. We had an overabundance, and the forest spirit had taught me to help the forests grow, which had been amazing to my young wild self. “The magic in them is wild, but not from Underhill. Not structured as most magic in this world seems to be. Trying to use it as a spell would be difficult.”
He thought of that for a while, his fingers pushing back the blanket to explore each spot that bound me, gaze reflective. “You can tell me to stop touching you if you hate it.”
“Your touch doesn’t bother me,” I said.
“Because the wolf isn’t in charge?” he asked.
“Because you’re not demanding control,” I revised.
He gazed at me for a long moment, eyes flicking through a dozen emotions. “Would you give up control? Ever?”
In some ways, maybe, but in others, no. I said nothing. He nodded as if I answered him and returned to his exploration, examining each remaining mark. “Korissa is good, learning, but I can sort through all the knowledge you and Nick have stored. I’m trying to use what she can see, and what we know, to understand all of this.”
“The wolf is not hounding you?” I wondered, thinking whatever he’d done with Nick when I’d left had fixed something.
“He’s there, always, but quiet for the moment. There is no battle for him to fight, not even a demand to make you see me when all you really see is Nick. Makes it easier to convince the wolf to rest and let me think. And you should know, Nick and I did nothing.”
“I would not deny either of you comfort in each other. And I do see you.”