Page 7 of Wish You Were Her

Allegra felt like a different person as the sun shone down on her skin.

It felt pleasant, rather than overstimulating.

The cool water of the lake called to her like a comforting balm, promising cool relief should anything become too intense.

There was a small stall at the other end of the beach, serving ice cream, chilled bottles of pop and free drinking water.

Children splashed in the shallows of the lake.

Two older men lay side by side in their swimwear, eyes closed behind their sunglasses, their hands entwined.

A man and woman were pretending to bury their older child, who giggled delightedly at the game.

Allegra considered the townspeople gathered on the sand. No one stared at her for too long. They all looked away when she caught their eyes and she liked to think that they were just looking out of curiosity rather than recognition.

She looked away herself and caught sight of a grand house on the other side of the lake. There was a whole row of such houses, but one sat in the middle and stood out from the others. Grace caught her staring and said, “That’s the Montgomery family home.”

“It’s massive.”

“Yes. That family are… they do all right for themselves.”

The words made Allegra’s eyes drop to her phone, and she wore a smile she hadn’t worn in a long time. She suddenly felt the urge to share her secret.

“Grace, I think I’m email-flirting with someone.”

“You are ? Fun!” Grace was so instantly intrigued and engaged that Allegra almost adored her for it. She had been massaging her ballerina feet by the water, but now stared at Allegra, completely spellbound. “I can never be cute over text and email.”

“It’s someone in town.”

“How? Who? You’ve been here all of fifteen minutes!”

The delighted outrage in the other girl’s voice made Allegra snort as she attempted to take a sip of her drink, cold soda almost coming out of her nose. They both suddenly broke out into laughter.

“Can’t say yet, I only worked it out today. Can I run something by you and will you tell me if it’s too sociopathic?”

“Sure. I’m a great litmus test for monstrous behavior.”

Allegra laughed at that and angled her body so the two of them were almost forehead to forehead, now completely in each other’s confidence.

“I know who they are, but they don’t know who I am. Is it horribly manipulative of me to carry on the anonymity until I know them better in life?”

Grace considered the question and Allegra realized she liked that.

“I think, as long as you don’t play games with them, it’s okay.

As long as you don’t set them up to fail or make fun of them, or get too much of a kick out of them not knowing.

I mean, you’re famous. Like, super famous.

I’ve never felt so exposed in this town before.

Everyone looks at us—and by ‘us,’ I mean you.

They’re only leaving you alone because they’re scared of George’s wrath. ”

Allegra nodded. She knew that fame brought a power imbalance, but hearing Grace say it so casually made her feel a little nauseous. She wondered if she had been fooling herself in regards to her low profile in town. Maybe people were just very good at disguising their notice.

“So…” Grace continued. “You, more than anyone, deserve to get to know someone, and have them get to know you, without any of that stuff getting in the way and complicating things.”

“Sorry if it’s weird to tell you this,” Allegra added, her voice catching and breaking. “I’m… not great at judging when something goes from polite to personal. Between people, I mean.”

Allegra’s idea of small talk was asking people she had just met what they would tell the whole world if they suddenly had a direct line to seven billion people, but she had learned the hard way that this was not preferable to discussing the weather or remarking on the traffic.

“I don’t mind,” Grace said. “I like it. I like that we’re sort of in cahoots now.”

“Yes, please don’t tell anyone I have a secret pen-pal,” Allegra said, smiling. “But it’s been sort of nice. My job is really lonely and the emails have perked me up a bit.”

“Now, you’re not going to make me feel sorry for you. You’re a supernova.”

Allegra laughed. “Well, nothing’s lonelier than outer space.”

“How does it feel, knowing that everyone in this town is frantically googling you right now?”

“Not good,” Allegra said, without a moment’s hesitation. “Besides, not everyone. That other bookseller at Dad’s certainly isn’t.” She didn’t know what had possessed her to bring him up.

“Who, Jonah?”

“Are you friends?”

“Yeah. We were in the same year at school.” Allegra felt Grace glancing at her before adding, “He’s a good guy. He just shows it really badly.”

Allegra decided to keep her opinion to herself. “What about the other one, Simon?”

They both chose that moment to recline into two suddenly available deckchairs. The sun was just right for Allegra, not too overstimulating. A nice brush of heat to a neurotypical could feel like a burn to her.

She closed her eyes for a moment, as Grace answered her question.

“I don’t know Simon very well; he was way more popular than Jonah and I were at school.

He’s nice, though. Maybe a bit immature but he’s a good sort.

He’s always nice to my mother, and she’s not an easy lady to be nice to.

He throws the best parties, too. He was a big deal in school because of that. ”

Allegra made a small sound of envy. “I haven’t been to school since I was thirteen. Not one with other kids, that is.”

She thought about the horrible luncheon where she and her pen-pal had first emailed. Perhaps parties suddenly became more enjoyable when you had someone facing them with you.

“Shut up!” cried Grace. “Is that true? God, that’s a stupid question, I’ve seen bits of your show. It’s been on for years.”

“Yeah, you can’t really film all that and do press and school. I had a tutor on set.”

“Is your mother in the business?”

“The business?” teased Allegra.

“I don’t know,” muttered Grace with a blush, but she was smiling. “Do they still call it that?”

“She’s in publishing. Court of Bystanders did a lot of open call auditions. I queued for hours with a number on my shirt and got it.”

“That’s so cool. Not a nepo baby.”

“No. But, like, ninety percent of the industry is.”

Allegra was used to sitting in green rooms with the children of models, actors, directors and producers. She didn’t really mind. They were always a little insecure but often sweet underneath all of the bravado.

“Your secret pen-pal is safe with me,” Grace reiterated. “Small towns aren’t the best at keeping things discreet. But you can trust me.”

Allegra hoped she would not regret it.