Page 58 of Wish You Were Her

Chapter Seventeen

Jonah saw Kerrie as a friend. A good friend. He didn’t want to hurt her, or take advantage, or let anything go too far.

But it had been an awful night, a confusing summer, and he was lonely. The girl in his inbox was out of reach, the girl he thought about more and more with each day thought he was a story no one wanted to hear, and everything felt impossible. So, when Kerrie kissed him a second time, he allowed it. He kissed her back.

She shifted so that she was about to straddle him, rubbed the waistline of his pants and slid her other hand under his button down. He let the physical sensation carry him away. His imagination joined the two of them on the bed and, as their kiss became deeper, he began to picture a different face in his mind. It belonged to a person he had struggled to stop thinking about since her arrival in town. She had become a fixture in his mind. And, before he could bring sense along with fantasy:

“Allegra.”

Kerrie’s hand froze on his stomach and her lips stopped moving against his. He pulled back, horrified.

“Kerrie. I’m… fuck, I’m sorry. I’m an asshole. That’s—that’s just, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine,” she said, in a tone that categorically confirmed that it was not. “Honestly.”

“I’m sorry. It’s nothing. I just, Allegra and I—we had another argument earlier, she’s in my head. Not like that. I mean, yes, like that, but I’ll get over it. I’ll get overher. I’ll get through it. I will.”

“Who are you convincing, you or me?”

“I didn’t mean to think of her, it just happened. It happens a lot, it’s a problem, but I—”

“I don’t want to hear you talk about how you were thinking about some other girl while kissing me, Jonah.”

“I know, that sounds bad. Sorry. It just came out.”

“Jonah!”

“Kerrie, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Jonah.” She sat back and sighed.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, sick of hearing himself say it but incapable of stopping.

“Everyone’s in love with her. You know that, right? Simon is. He’s going to ask her out once the festival is done. It’s practically official. Plus, she’s dated a rockstar. She’s probably got a bunch of boyfriends in the city.”

Jonah said nothing.

“Iget silly around her, for God’s sake,” Kerrie said, spluttering out a disbelieving laugh. “She’s amazing. She’s beautiful,andshe’s sweet. She’s stupidly, annoyingly perfect. But… but she’s not one of us. She never will be. And I… I don’t want you to get hurt. She’s like a cold. We’re all going to get it at some point. You’ll be immune once the summer is over and she goes back to dreamland.”

Jonah almost believed her.

“But still,” he eventually said, “it doesn’t excuse what I just did. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“Of course you didn’t,” she said gently, swinging her legs from the bed and sitting up straight. “It’s fine. Um… I’m going to go home, actually. I’ll see you at the festival tomorrow?”

“Okay,” Jonah said, also sitting up. “I’m… I’m sorry, Kerrie. Let me walk you home.”

“No, it’s fine. Honestly. I’m good.”

“Kerrie… can you…? No, never mind.”

“Can I not tell anyone about this?”

“Yeah.”

“You really think that I want people knowing about this, Jonah? Do you know how human beings work? Like, at all?”

He flinched as if she had hit him and waited in the dark as she moved silently out of the room.