Page 43 of Wish You Were Her

Photographers followed Allegra to a hot yoga session.

She ended up hiding in the bathroom for the entire hour, too anxious to brave the class and face the irritable faces of the people who had been forced to push their way past paparazzi to get into the studio.

She emailed Natalie, who reminded her about a style consultation for the premiere.

“We need to talk about our narrative for press on the movie, post photos,” Natalie added in a voice note.

Jasper texted, asking if Allegra needed a pickup from the back of the building.

Allegra felt horrible asking, but Jasper would hear none of her apologies.

They drove to the cast recording of Sunday in the Park with George for fifteen minutes before Allegra was able to relax, knowing that no one had seen or followed them.

“Ready to be back in Lake Pristine?” Jasper asked.

“Yes,” Allegra said. “I don’t like how I left things with Dad, I took off like I did something wrong, and I know I didn’t.”

“Parents have a way of making their kids feel guilty over stuff they would never dream of judging others for.”

The words suspended time for a moment and when Allegra glanced at Jasper, she noticed a touch of melancholy on the woman’s face.

She wondered, not for the first time, what it must have been like, growing up autistic in a tiny town.

To have everyone witness your worst days, and your disability before you were even able to give it a name.

“So, how are things with Jonah?” asked Jasper, in what could only be described as a big-sister voice.

Allegra let out one final cough of indignation, as her chest was almost clear, and gave Jasper an affronted look. “We’re… friends.”

“You’re friends?”

“Yes. Former work colleagues, now friends.”

“I don’t have pictures of me and my friends like the ones that leech took of the two of you.”

“Low blow, bringing up the pap.”

“Then don’t lie to me, kid. Friends? Please.”

“We are.”

“Allegra,” Jasper said her name with exasperation, and it made the actress laugh. It was fun. It felt like being in a scene from a sweet movie, where the emotional stakes were high but there were no nasty plot twists. It was the kind of movie she wished her life could be.

She kept laughing, enjoying their play. “We are, Jasper.”

“That boy cooked for you. He looked ready to yell at me if I didn’t tell you that he wanted to see you. He almost killed Simon because of what he told that editor. Never mind that kiss.”

Allegra’s smile faded and she winced. “Yeah, that’s…”

“He is in love with you, Allegra.”

Allegra blinked, “Don’t be silly.”

“He is. I’ve watched enough old movies to know.”

Allegra was momentarily distracted. She smiled. “You like old movies? Me, too.”

“My new favorite is Shop Around the Corner . Jimmy Stewart. What a mensch.”

“I’ll have to watch it,” Allegra said.

“You should. But yes. He is hopelessly in love with you, girlie.”

Allegra shook her head and tried to be composed. “He is not!”

“No, he is. Jonah Thorne has always been a beautiful loner, who tolerates other people. But you, he more than tolerates.”

“We’re friends. All of yesterday and last night, he was a good friend, nothing more.”

“Exactly what kind of person would make advances on someone who has a chest infection, made worse by the threat of an autistic shutdown?”

Allegra made a noise of derision but she was smiling. “Okay, a bad friend would do that. So he was being a good friend. Like I said.”

Allegra didn’t know why she was denying anything. It was obvious she and Jonah were on a pathway that did not lead to friendship as a final destination. She just needed to bide time until it was her, the real her, he really liked and not some imaginary girl on the computer or film screen.

“Like I said.” Jasper turned the music up and sped the car into a long, easy sprint down the country road leading to her small hometown. “No pictures of me and my friends like the ones of you and him.”

“I think the whole aftermath scared him off.”

Jasper’s lips twitched but she kept her eyes ahead. “I’m not so sure.”

They drove in comfortable silence as Mandy Patinkin sang. When Jasper spoke, it was with a musing tone.

“Lake Pristine is a funny place. It sort of freezes in time, when you leave it. You can go for, like, ten hours, ten days. Ten years, even. And when you get back, everything is almost exactly as you left it. People haven’t moved on.

They haven’t forgotten the version of you that they knew when you left.

They’re not interested in who you’ve become while you’ve been away. ”

Allegra glanced at Jasper. “She says with experience?”

“Yes.”

“Maybe that’s why my dad is so weird.”

“With you?”

“Yeah. Acts like I’m still twelve. Which, to be fair, was when he last saw me.”

“That’s a dad thing, as well as a Lake Pristine thing.”

They discussed Allegra’s home and interior design for the rest of the drive, but Jasper’s words about her small hometown returned to Allegra as the Welcome to Lake Pristine sign appeared ahead of them.

When Allegra had called the shop, her father had answered.

Thrilled at the news of her return, he had promised that there were no more paps lurking about.

As Jasper and Allegra had watched the original swarm of reporters from her father’s flat, the day she left Lake Pristine, the only respite from the tension and anxiety had been when a local woman had almost run the reporters down with her Range Rover.

“My sister,” Jasper had said, with a wince. “Christine.”

Now, as the town came into focus, Allegra understood exactly what Jasper had said.

Everyone waved at the two of them in Jasper’s car, as if nothing had happened, as if Allegra had just gone on vacation for a week and returned with no news for anyone.

She spotted Vivienne Thorne outside her bakery, with two members of her staff.

They were handing out free samples of what looked like some kind of brownie.

When Vivienne spotted Allegra, she smiled and waved, but there was a clear look of worry in her eyes.

“Mothers and sons,” Jasper said, observing the reaction. “Scary.”

“She’s really nice.”

“She is, but Jonah’s getting way too independent for her, I think. Not sure she’s going to take it well.”

“I’m just here to talk to Dad, and then gather everyone up for the premiere.”

As Allegra said the words, she realized something.

“Jasper?”

“Yes.”

“I… really don’t feel comfortable inviting Simon anymore. Would you like to come instead?”

“To a fancy premiere of a Hollywood picture?”

“Yes.”

“Red carpet?”

“Yes.”

“Photographers?”

“Yes.”

“Pretty clothes?”

“The prettiest. Natalie, my publicist, is sending a car this afternoon and we’re doing style options tonight in the hotel suite.”

“You won’t mind an ancient twenty-three-year-old chumming along with you teenagers?”

“No, happy to have a responsible adult.”

Allegra had gone through a few premieres and screenings, plus one high-profile ball, in her career.

Hotel suites full of colleagues and social media interns were fun, but she had always envied people who brought tons of their friends along.

Polaroid photos of fun and friendship, the kind Allegra desperately wanted but sometimes didn’t know how to cultivate.

She made a great first impression. She could say, “let’s get lunch” as easily as anyone.

But securing and maintaining friendships had always been hard for her.

She didn’t know the steps to that dance, and a childhood in film and television had not helped her in that regard either.

Gathering new friends together and whisking them out for champagne, pizza and a Cinderella night of Hollywood glamor was the scariest thing she had attempted in a while. It felt like being six years old again and wondering why no one had come to her birthday party.

Jasper dropped Allegra at Brooks Books, promising to meet her there again at three o’clock for the glamorous pickup.

Allegra watched her go, feeling a type of gratitude that was reserved for only the most special people in her life.

The ones that accepted all of the fingerprints on her canvas, the kind that spoke to a life lived with challenges and human mistakes.

The ones who found it all the more beautiful.

She stepped into Brooks Books to find Simon there alone, packing up returns by the front desk. They stared at one another for a long while, Allegra watching with fascination as shame fought with defiance on Simon’s face.

“Hey,” he finally said.

“Hi, Simon.”

She took note of the slight black eye he was sporting on his left side. “Did Jonah give you that?”

“Yeah.” His voice was bitter. “You’re a sore subject for him, it seems.”

“Good. I wanted to hit you for what you did to me. If you ever do that to another girl, I’ll make you regret it.

The one good thing about fame is that there is always a journo willing to listen.

You touch someone else without their consent, I’ll make your whole world go away. It’s what you did to me.”

“I’m sorry, Allegra.”

“You hurt him, too, Simon,” Allegra added. “Putting him out in the public eye like that. It’s not what he wants. It’s a burden for anyone, let alone those who don’t actually choose it.”

“He wants to be a writer, Ally. This will make a hell of a story for him. He should be grateful.”

She deliberately stayed silent, allowing her disapproval to fill the air like smoke.

“Sorry,” he finally mumbled. “I’m sorry, Allegra.

I really am. I didn’t know what the pictures actually were.

They asked about you and me and when I confirmed it was me, they pressed about the guy you were with as you left Main Street.

I gave Jonah’s name. I didn’t know about the photos.

I swear, I didn’t. That… I had no idea about it. ”

Allegra reached out to touch some of the books in her father’s shop. “Okay.”

“I—I’m really sorry. I am. I’m going to give Jasper my spot at the premiere, too. It will be too hard for Jonah to see me there.”

She still said nothing, the silence speaking volumes.

“I bought into your surface act,” Allegra said softly. “Everyone around here thinks you’re great. I believed the reviews. But you’ve got a nasty streak. You show it to Jonah, more than anyone. Don’t you?”

“Allegra, I didn’t know you liked him. I knew he liked you. God, I’ve never seen him like that around anyone. You were the name we could never bring up around him, and Jonah has always been indifferent or oblivious to everyone. So, it was weird. I worked it out pretty early on.”

Allegra wanted what he was saying to be true. “I think he was rightly annoyed at an actor slumming it for a summer, at a job he took very seriously all year round.”

“Nah,” Simon said softly. “You know how some people, when they trip? They get really mad? They get scared and embarrassed and then they look around to make sure no one has seen them fall?”

“Yes,” Allegra said, unable to suppress a smile. “It happens to me on the regular.”

“You fall and your first instinct is what? To look around, act mad. Put on a show and let the world know that you are no faller. Something sabotaged you.”

“I suppose. But I’m dyspraxic. We fall a lot.”

“That’s what Jonah did. He fell and then got mad about falling.”

Allegra felt color rush to her face. “Well… I’m not so sure—”

“That’s what all that gruffness and bravado was,” said Simon matter-of-factly.

“He fell and he didn’t see it coming. So, he acted stupidly.

She’s not making a faller out of me , all that nonsense.

But I saw it. You would have, too, if you two had stopped fighting for two seconds.

But… I mean, those pictures looked like the two of you figured it out. ”

He said it without any bite but it still stung.

“I think the photographs going viral and appearing on morning television might have killed any feelings he had,” Allegra said, unable to keep both the pain and reprimand out of her voice.

Empathy flashed through Simon’s eyes. “Hey, no way. Thing about Jonah? He’s all or nothing. He’s yours forever. If you want him. Trust me.” There was a beat of awkwardness before he added, “I just hope he can forgive me. You, too.”

Allegra regarded him and then said, “I might forgive you, Simon. Someday. But I’m not as concerned about making everyone else feel comfortable all of the time now. So don’t be surprised if it takes a while.”