Page 22 of Wish You Were Her

Allegra stood among a crowd of volunteers, authors, book lovers and curious townspeople while her father made a welcome speech and she tried to smile through it.

She had endeavored to shed the shock of finding Jonah instead of Simon, hoping to leave it lying on the steps of the cafe like an old newspaper.

But it was all still with her.

She was soaked in feelings. So she did what her job had taught her: she beamed and clapped during all of the correct pauses and focused on other people.

All great actors made everything about their scene partners. They did not indicate or become consumed with their own performance. They fixed all of their attention on other people and reacted accordingly.

Strangely, she felt his arrival. She didn’t look behind her, or even away from her father onstage, but she knew from the little fish swimming up and down her spine that he was in the tent. She was insanely aware of him.

“This year, we have a very special festival program for you. But before we start celebrating the incredible authors we have visiting Lake Pristine this year—” George spoke warmly to the crowd, a warmth he seemed to reserve for strangers; for eccentric older gentlemen who wanted to buy travel books for cities they had no intention of visiting; for opinionated women who wanted to debate political non-fiction with him; for children picking out their first independent read; for young men browsing memoirs and hiding from novels written by women.

He had all the time in the world for books and the people who made or loved them.

“This summer is extremely special because my daughter, Allegra, is taking a break from being the biggest superstar on the planet to get some work experience with us.”

The room laughed and applauded and Allegra turned a little pink at the praise.

She winced internally at the kind, if not hyperbolic, description.

She was intensely aware of how many people were bigger stars than she.

It was impossible to avoid such knowledge in her industry.

The pecking order was not written down anywhere, but it was understood.

Nevertheless, she smiled at all of the faces that were staring at her. She tried to ignore the anxious clawing of common sense. Her father shouldn’t be drawing attention to her presence in town, but it would break both of their hearts if she made him stop.

“Ally’s mother and I are so proud of her and it means a lot to have her here, working with her old man, this summer.”

When some patrons of the festival began to make speeches, Allegra moved toward the other side of the tent. She could see Simon and Kerrie with some of the festival volunteers.

“Hey,” Simon greeted her with such open cheeriness, it made her all the more deflated over her pen-pal’s unmasking. “I haven’t seen you all night.”

“Had to deliver a message to Jonah,” she said, seeing no reason to be dishonest. “And it ended in our usual.”

“A massive argument?” Simon surmised.

“Yes.”

“Poor Jonah,” Kerrie said. Allegra sensed something mournful in the other girl’s tone. “He gets so muddled up. He means well.”

“Nah, Kerrie,” Simon said, picking up a paper plate from the catering table. He loaded it with meat cuts, grapes and cheese without asking if anyone else would like any. “He’s weird with Allegra. Different.”

“Well, she is a beautiful movie star,” Kerrie said, turning to beam at Allegra.

“Well, Beautiful Movie Star. There’s an after-party to this rather dull launch party at my house in a bit, if you want to spend time with the rest of the under-fifties.”

Allegra smiled at Simon, in spite of herself. She found herself suddenly at ease with him, now that he was just the nice guy she worked with and not the architect behind the emails she would reread over and over again. “Sounds good.”

As he stuffed food into his mouth, Kerrie leaned a little nearer to Allegra.

“Jonah really isn’t a bad guy.”

“I know,” Allegra said, a touch defensive. “We just don’t… gel.”

“He’s very guarded,” Kerrie said, with the authority of a person who had known Jonah for a long time.

“His dad left him and his mum for a whole second family when he was tiny. Just after he was diagnosed.” Allegra winced at this, feeling a shot of guilt burn her throat as she listened.

“He takes such good care of Viv, and he used to be a lot more fun. Your dad really relies on him! George is like a mentor to him.”

This piqued Allegra’s interest, merely because her father always seemed a little distant and cold with Jonah. If they had shared a warm bond at some point, it wasn’t there now.

“He also doesn’t know or appreciate how hot he’s become in the last few years,” Kerrie added, casting a furtive glance over to the subject of their quiet conversation.

Allegra did not join her in looking but her heart pounded.

“ And he doesn’t realize that the frostiness just makes him a bit more intimidating. ”

Allegra smiled very softly. “Got a crush?”

Kerrie’s eyes flashed to Allegra’s and the latter could see her considering whether to deny it or not. “Yeah. A little bit.”

Ordinarily, Allegra would tell the other girl to “go for it.” Yet in the festival tent, surrounded by so many people but with only one person on her mind, something made her stay silent.

The after-party at Simon’s house left Jonah emptier than being stood up at Pete’s Cafe.

It was full of enthusiastic book festival volunteers, most of whom were people he had gone to school with, who had suddenly, out of the blue, the summer that Allegra Brooks was in town, discovered an interest in literature.

“Jonah!” One of the volunteers called him over to a group who were gathered around the stereo. “I need you as backup.”

Kerrie was with the group, smiling at him with an unreadable question in her eyes. He gave her a tight nod and then turned to the boy who had hollered at him. “What?”

“Tell Kerrie what you told me.”

“About what?”

“About romance books.”

Jonah paled. This loud conversation had caught the attention of Allegra and Grace, who were getting up from their spots on the couch. Allegra was watching him coyly.

“I can’t remember what I said,” Jonah murmured, and it wasn’t a lie. He could barely remember this volunteer, let alone what he might have blabbed about to them during their orientation.

“I’m guessing it wasn’t very complimentary, knowing Jonah,” Kerrie said gregariously.

Jonah watched Allegra as she arched an eyebrow at that and whispered something to Grace. They began to leave the room.

“I’m coming around to them actually,” he said loudly.

“Think I was probably being a bit of a snob before, to be honest. Some books are about the journey, not the destination. Just because there’s a contract between author and reader when it comes to certain genres, it doesn’t mean there can’t be invention. Or something really beautiful.”

He watched as Allegra’s shoulders tensed and she stopped walking for a moment. He felt his breath catch, but the moment passed as quickly as it had come. She moved into the hallway with Grace, and didn’t look back.

He felt his phone start to vibrate.

He excused himself gruffly and made his way to the kitchen, which was quieter than the rumpus room , a term only used by the obnoxiously rich of Lake Pristine. He answered his phone.

“Hey.”

“Hi, darling,” his mother’s voice said from the other end of the line. “You okay?”

“Fine,” he lied. “At Simon’s. You all right?”

“I’m at Auntie Shosh’s, darling. I’ve had far too much wine, I can’t drive myself home so I’m sleeping over. Will you be okay on your own tonight? Got your keys?”

He smiled, in spite of the nightmare evening. “I’m eighteen, Ma.”

“I know, I know. I can get a cab—”

“You’re fine. Say hi to Aunt Shosh.”

“I have done, darling. Be safe and have fun.”

From his spot by the kitchen door he could see Grace Lancaster and Allegra chatting on the stairs.

“I’m finally experiencing proper teen parties,” he heard Allegra tell Grace. “I want to see all of the staples. Couple making out. A fight. And some girl crying on the stairs. Right here. On this spot. Don’t even care if it’s me.”

Grace grinned and then said something too quietly for Jonah to hear.

Allegra laughed and the sound caused many people to glance quickly at her.

She was always being observed, whether she realized it or not.

Someone at the dining room door took a sneaky picture of her on his phone and Jonah wanted to snatch the thing out of his hand.

As she and Grace ascended the stairs, he spotted Kerrie coming toward him.

“You look really nice tonight,” she told him, shouting over the extremely loud music.

“Thanks,” he answered, glancing at the stairs again. “You doing okay?”

She looked disappointed for a brief second, glancing down at herself a little self-consciously, but then she said, “All good. Want a drink?”

“I’m fine,” he said. “Think I might go upstairs a minute.”

She started to say something else but he was already moving away, needing some darkness and some quiet.

Grace led Allegra into a completely dark spare bedroom.

They climbed over the large bed to lie down on the floor next to it, so as not to muss the expensive sheets Simon’s mother had no doubt picked out.

As they lay side by side on the carpeted floor, Grace whispered, “Are loud parties a lot for you?”

“Yes,” Allegra said, wondering if she should disclose just how much. “I’ve had major fear of missing out over house parties, but I also find them really overstimulating.”

“We’ll be fine in here,” Grace said, squeezing her arm.

They grasped hands in the dark and stared up at a ceiling neither of them could really see.

“Grace, I’m autistic.”

Allegra said the words quietly.

“Like Jonah?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. Thank you for telling me.”

No prodding remarks. No demands. Nothing intrusive. Grace took in the information, honoring her name and making Allegra feel more at home than she ever had in her own apartment.

“You know,” Allegra heard herself saying.

“My life is so lonely. I was in my apartment once, reading a script, and a line in it said that scientifically, we all lie at least once a day. And I realized it was almost midnight and I hadn’t spoken to a single soul that day.

So I had broken the rule. Except, I guess, I was lying to myself. ”

The other girl’s hand did not loosen or edge away. “You’ve got us now.”

The words were the breaking of a curse and Allegra felt tears start to fall.

Before she could tell Grace how much her words meant to a confused movie star, the bedroom door opened and closed.

Light filled the room for the briefest moment from the hall before whomever it was shut it out again.

The bed creaked as someone flung themselves onto it and Allegra and Grace had to cover their mouths to keep from alerting the new person to their presence on the floor next to the bed.

They could hear the person tapping on their phone.

They typed steadily and without interruption for a while, as if sending a long message—or, Allegra considered with her heart in her throat, an email.

Then, when they were finally finished, the room was completely black again as they tucked away their phone.

They exhaled and Allegra finally did, too

Allegra knew, from the faint smell of neroli, that it was Jonah.

Her urge to laugh was suddenly gone. She became as still as the expensive art on the walls.

“Thought you were lost.” It was Kerrie, from the doorway. She slipped inside and Allegra and Grace both tensed as she climbed onto the bed next to Jonah. Grace squeezed Allegra’s hand in a vicelike grip, as if to say, “ Do you think they’re about to… you know? ”

Allegra hoped not. The idea made her inexplicably furious. Anger that she had no business feeling started to pulse inside her head. She and Jonah were not even friends, she had no right to get jealous about what Kerrie wanted to happen.

“You really do look nice tonight,” Kerrie said softly, clearly reiterating an earlier compliment. Her voice was hushed and sensual, and it made Allegra’s eyelashes hurt and her heart feel too big for her chest.

“Thanks.” Jonah’s voice was deep and gruff. Uninviting, Allegra thought. She heard one of them, probably Kerrie, shift on the bed.

“Yeah, parties are just a lot,” he added, as if trying to fill the gap in conversation.

Grace’s touch was ghostlike but definitely there.

“Jonah.”

Kerrie’s voice was almost wheedling, but still quiet.

“Don’t, Ker. Let’s just—”

“You look so good.”

And then the sound of kissing was all Allegra could hear, and her eyes closed in horror. Even the music downstairs seemed to cease.

It made sense, she told herself over the sound of Kerrie pressing her mouth to Jonah’s. They were schoolfriends, old friends even, and Kerrie had openly told Allegra about her crush.

Still, when she heard Jonah pull away, Allegra opened her eyes.

“Sorry, Ker. I’m all over the place at the moment. You’re great. I—I’ve always thought so, but I’m… I’m just…”

Grace’s body was shaking with silent laughter.

Allegra knew it wasn’t born from nastiness, the girl was just beside herself with discomfort at being trapped in this situation.

Grace was completely overcome by awkwardness.

If it had been anyone else making out above them, Allegra would have been the same way. But something was needling her.

She heard Kerrie kiss Jonah again and even though she was lying in darkness, Allegra could picture it. The gentle force which wore Jonah down, just enough for him to join in with a little more enthusiasm. Then, a sigh like a record scratch:

“ Allegra. ”