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“Do you think she’s in there? This line could take us forever to find out.” She stomped her cute little Ugged foot. “Sugarsnap!”

A laugh escaped. “Sugarsnap?”

“I’ve decided I’m trying to clean up my language for your information. Some of us are attempting to be a better version of ourselves.”

“I like the old version of Fern. I don’t imagine the new one could be any better.”

If I saw correctly from the glow of the streetlight next to her, those cheeks turned rosy.

“Well, you’ll never know.” She yanked her coat on. “And I may freeze to death on this street.”

“I know how to get you warm real fast.” I crossed my arms over my chest, getting a kick out of her dramatic eye roll.

“That’s it. You are standing on my last freaking nerve. You are driving me nuts! I’m ignoring you from this second on.”

I leaned in, “Right,” I drawled. “You can’t keep your thoughts from me. There’s no way in hell you can ignore me.”

Her eyes narrowed while her teeth clenched. “I will ignore you so hard you’ll start to doubt your own existence.”

I reached out and pushed her shoulder because I was lovin’ this, “I see what’s happening here.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not talking to you, I’m?—”

“I know, I know, you’re ignoring me. Well, trying to ignore me. But we both know you can’t. I make you…hot and bothered.”

Her foot stomped again. “Hot and bothered? The only thing you make me is pissified!”

My laughter boomed. “What in the hell is that?

“It would be equal parts of pissed because you’re a know-it-all smartass and mystified at what a tool you are. So as far as any hopes of ever getting me warm?—”

I grabbed her hand and walked around the line.

“Stop! What’re you doing?”

She resisted a little, but I dragged her along. We reached the bouncer at the front of the line who extended his hand. “Gabe, my man.”

“Randy, good to see you.”

He opened the door. “Get on in there, buddy.”

I nodded, and we entered before I shot her a wink. “And that’s how I get Fern warm.”

Her eyes narrowed at me. “Well, uh, thanks. That didn’t totally suck.”

“You know I’m all about pleasing a lady.”

“I don’t know about your entire crew of ladies, but this one wasn’t really that impressed by your—air quotes— pleasing .”

We stood just inside the door, and I could already feel the beats of the music pulsing through my veins. “You’re funny. I remember no complaints about the pleasing .”

“You think you’re all that. But maybe I just pretended to like it.” She hung her coat on the rack beside us.

Something kicked up inside. “No, you weren’t pretending anything.”

She gave me a bored look that made my pulse spike. “You’ll never know, will you?”

She turned, and I caught her elbow and pulled her close. Our lips were inches away from each other. I felt her breath on my face and saw the surprise in her eyes. “We both know what we are when we’re together.”

She pulled out of my grasp. “It’s just sparks. Don’t fool yourself. I could have the same thing with Brandon, you don’t know.”

She confirmed it. “So you don’t know yet? You and Bran-dude haven’t done the deed.”

She smiled and purred. “He’s been wanting to take it to the next level for years , but I was afraid of damaging the friendship. But then you taught me that anyone can have a weekend pass. So this could be the weekend.”

Her words slashed me. They hadn’t, but she was going to. The thought Brandon’s fingers sliding up her thighs or his lips touching any part of her sent my stomach churning and brought acid to the back of my throat. I’d burn the hotel to the ground before I’d let that happen. “Fern, what happened?—”

“Stop.”

She turned and scooted through the jam-packed dance floor to the bar. She pointed and bounced down to the end. A sense of calm swept over me as Tawnee was in sight. Boom! Bam! Pow! We found the runaway bride.

She looked teeny-weeny, standing next to a six-foot-two drag queen with thick pink hair, a full face of makeup, white platform boots, and wrapped in a silver dress that appeared to be made of glitter.

Fern reached her and pulled her in for a hug as she shouted over the loud music. “Thank God. You scared me to death.”

“I’m sorry. I just needed some time.” She reached over and squeezed my hand. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“Come on.” Fern grabbed her by the arm, and we all headed to a lounge area off the dance floor and squished into a booth.

“I know this seems crazy, but today it hit me. What if we rushed this, and he’ll be sorry?” Her fingers raked through her hair.

“I think it’s normal to feel a little worried.” Fern tilted her head.

“I don’t know.” Tawnee’s eyes filled. “I’ve been on my best behavior. He has no idea I’m a crazy bitch.”

I leaned in. “Listen to me. I’ve known Ed long before he knew you, and from day one, you were the Theraflu.”

Tawnee wiped her eyes. “What?”

I put my finger up. “Okay, you know when you wake up and all is normal, but then as the day goes on, you feel feverish, and your nose fills with snot?”

Tawnee looked at Fern. “Am I the snot in this story? I don’t like where this is going.”

I waved my hands, attempting to gain a smidge of control.

Fern took her hand. “No, you’re not the mucus.” Her eyes narrowed at me. “Please tell me she’s not the mucus?”

“Listen, when you feel bad, and your body aches, you push through your day. You try to be your best, but it’s all wrong.

Then you finally get home. It’s quiet, you climb into bed, and when your head hits the pillow, the weight is off.

Then you get to take medicine, close your eyes, and know you’re exactly where you need to be to get better.

That’s how Ed was when he found you.” I grabbed Tawnee’s hand.

“Get it? You’re the Theraflu. You’re what he needed to be well. ”

I stared at the two blank faces in front of me when Tawnee closed her eyes and slowly shook her head. “That is the best fucking story I’ve ever heard.” She looked at Fern. “I’m the Theraflu.” Then she looked back at me.

“Yes, you fixed him without meaning to.” Well, that babbling story came across better than I’d anticipated.

“But before me?—”

How was I going to get through to these two?

“Please hear me.” I leaned in closer. “It would be wrong to judge a man on what happened before he met you. Who he dated, the stupid things he did because it was before he’d ever laid eyes on you.

Tawnee, it was all over for Ed the day he met you.

That’s why it was a whirlwind from day one until he proposed. It’s because he’s crazy about you.”

She let out a long sigh. “Thank you, Gabe. My mind has been running in circles this week.”

My eyes connected with Fern’s for a long second, but she wore no expression whatsoever. Was I chipping away at the icy exterior I’d created?

“So we can all head back to the hotel now? Right?” I gave myself a quick high-five. My job here was done.

“I’ll go back after one more thing.” Tawnee waved down a waitress dressed in black leather from head to toe. “Hello, beautiful, I need to order three Colorado Bulldogs.”

I held up my hand. “Not for me. I’m the driver.”

Fern grabbed Tawnee by her shoulders. “One drink and then we have to go back. Okay?”

“Don’t be a fuddy duddy.” Tawnee giggled. “My hair appointment isn’t until eleven tomorrow morning. I will not leave unless you have drinks with me. I need to see tipsy Fern.”

“Just one drink.” Fern nodded.

Forty-five minutes, two Colorado Bulldogs and a shot later, I sat back watching Tawnee and Fern tear up the dance floor.

After a little more twirking, I knew it was time to get out of there. Once I wrangled up the gals, we headed outside.

I walked between them and let my hand graze Fern’s. She just kept walking. Was she ignoring me, or did her tipsy hand not feel it? I did a replay and the same reaction, but when I peeked over, I saw a little grin.

Suddenly Tawnee bolted across the street. “Shit! She’s flown the coop again!”

Fern kicked the ground. “Mother Hubbard!”

I grabbed Fern’s hand, and we ran across the street to find Tawnee on the sidewalk. She pointed to the Dipstix Male Strip Club sign above the door.

“Come on!” Tawnee screamed with laughter. “A quick peek! I’ve never been to a male strip club before.”

“I need to get your girls back to the hotel.” I put on my tough guy voice.

Tawnee did a dance. “I promise we’ll go in for ten minutes. Just for shits and giggles.”

I looked up at the moon. “It’s late, and we are not going in there.” It was then that I looked back to see I was alone on the sidewalk. The two girls who were driving my sanity right off the freaking cliff were going to force me to enter a place I never wanted to go.

I’d been in my fair share of strip joints, but never a male review. I didn’t know exactly what I expected, but I entered to what appeared to be a lady pep rally. My eyes ran around the room as fast as the plump red head who was storming the stage as a firefighter ripped off his shirt.

I stood back for a moment to assess whatever the hell was happening before me. The room was dim, lit up by ruby red lights shooting from the ceiling, and I could feel the beats of the music rattling my rib cage. There were chairs and tables filled with women as far as the eye could see.

The difference between a strip joint and this place was that the spectators here were losing their lovin’ minds. Hands holding cocktails were flying in the air, some serious dancing happening next to the stage with screams equivalent to that of an NHL playoff game.

Outside of the firefighter on stage, who just lost his trousers BTW, I could only see one other male in the establishment. I scoped out the venue and spotted Tawnee at a table right next to the stage with Fern by her side.

My jaw tightened as the nearly nude dude on stage thrust in Fern’s direction, and her arms shot in the air. Mission: get Fern away from this mob mentality that was clearly kicking in.