Page 25

Ed stood up. “I don’t know anything, and I don’t want to piss you off.

You’ve been devastated at how you lost Amy, reliving that day and the regret for not being there with her.

And now you save another beautiful woman in the same exact situation?

I’m no shrink, but it seems like you’d be able to comfort yourself with Fern after what happened.

Maybe that eases the loss of Amy. Like your mind has latched onto one because you can’t have the other. ”

It was a punch.

“Subconsciously, Fern might have stepped into Amy’s shoes. I just hope you think this thing through. I’m here if you need to talk.” He patted his shoulder before walking out the back door into the four-season room.

I stood frozen as Gabe sat at the table while I listened to the sound of a thud beating in my ears.

Could he want to be close to me because of how he lost the love of his life?

Did he linger over my tattoo that is the twin of his dead wife’s tattoo?

Holy crap. I was cold and hot at the same time while I was trying to comfort my heart that was attempting to block out the last five minutes in fear of imploding.

I nearly jumped out of my skin as Katie popped up beside me. “Hey, after breakfast, we’re heading out. Do you want to catch a ride with us?”

“Shh. Quiet,” I whispered.

“Why are you whispering?” Her voice echoed into the kitchen.

I looked in to see Gabe turn in his chair as his eyes latched onto me. He stood quickly, and his face told me he knew I’d heard his conversation. “Fern?—”

I plastered a smile while attempting to gulp oxygen and turned back to Katie. “Yes, I’ll grab my suitcase.”

She squeezed my arm. “Take your time. I’m going to whip up some eggs.”

“I’m not hungry.” I zipped past her and up the stairs.

Once inside my bedroom, I shut and locked the door before resting my hands on my knees, trying to catch the breath that was caught in my ribs.

My heart sank when the quiet knock on the door happened. “Fern.”

I started grabbing my clothes and throwing them into my suitcase.

“Fern, it’s not what you think. What Ed said was all wrong.”

His voice had a concern to it that yanked at me, and I wanted to throw open the door and find my way into his arms. I wanted his hands in my hair, his lips overtaking mine, his smell. To feel him all over me.

My vision blurred as clips of the last days overwhelmed my senses. Ice fishing. His kisses on the stairs. Dancing. His beautiful face while he laughed and did shots with me.

He knocked again. “Fern, please let me in.”

The relentless pull in my body screamed that I had let him in, never knowing that the closeness may have been something different for him.

Was I a reminder of what he once had and lost?

Was the connection he had to me from beyond the grave?

Did I ever see this as a possibility for anything in my life?

The short answer was no . The long answer was oh hell no.

Dear Fairy Godmother, what in the fuckity fuck?

“Fern.” It was a harsh whisper coming from the hall.

I wanted to sweep away the last ten minutes and be how we’d been during the magical weekend at the cabin, but there wasn’t a way to put it back. I couldn’t un-hear the words that made me want to roll into the fetal position and overdose on Pixie Stix and Dove chocolate.

I finished shoving all my clothing in the suitcase and turned to see the burgundy dress staring at me from the closet. I took the hanger in my hand but then put it back. I couldn’t. I never wanted to see the dress or remember the night again.

I took a tissue from the box and dabbed my eyes before walking to the door. I pressed my cheek against it. “Gabe, go away.”

His voice was frustration. “Fern, let me in. We need to talk.”

I needed out of the house before anyone downstairs could put this disastrous puzzle together and hope Ed could keep his mouth shut. “Please, go downstairs. I don’t want to talk to you, and I don’t want a scene.”

“Come on, Ed was confused, and now you are.”

Yes, I was more confused than a chameleon in a bag of Skittles, but I channeled the tough girl I wished was me at the moment. “Listen to me. Let me get out of this place now. Do not get in my way. Do you hear me?”

“Fine.”

I heard him walking away down the hall. Anything but relief filled me. I went to the mirror, grabbed my purse, and applied some concealer. It’s what I’d normally do if my heart hadn’t been smashed into a million pieces by a possible obsession with the deceased Amy so I was going with it.

Excuse me, Universe, can you tell me exactly which level of Hell this is?

I grabbed my suitcase before quietly saying goodbye to the room that taught me what it felt like to be wrapped in the arms of the sweetest, funniest, sexiest man I’d ever known. Great, I now needed more tissues and concealer.

I was relieved to see the hallway empty. The end game was to get the hell out of the cabin and shove this entire weekend deep, deep down and deal with it never. I realized today was the day I would answer every question with the middle finger.

I could get through this. I needed to detach from my brain so my body could get out of the cabin. I needed to just let my mind go to a happy place where I’m allowed to punch people in the throat, and there are little kittens and cupcakes while my legs got me away from here.

Once down stairs, I put my suitcase by the others just inside the door before entering the kitchen. I could see Gabe out of the corner of my eye, but would NOT make eye contact with him. Nope. Nothing. It was done.

Everybody was at the table eating and talking as Liv was flipping bacon at the stove. It was too loud. It was too happy. I wished more people were fluent in silence. I walked over to Katie. “I’m ready, and thanks for letting me ride back with you and Andrew.”

Andrew stood up. “I’m ready too.”

Katie giggled which was suddenly as annoying as nails on a chalkboard. “Well, there’s still some eggs on my plate. I hate to waste food?—”

Without a thought, I grabbed her plate and shoveled the eggs into my mouth with my hand like an animal.

“There you go. All gone.” I was talking through the eggs and quickly swallowed.

“No wasted food.” It was then that I realize all eyes were locked on me.

“So Katie, are you ready?” My mouth felt like it was filled with cotton while queasiness hit my stomach.

She stood, walked over, and hugged Gabe who I was still not looking at BTW. “Thank you for a wonderful weekend.” She pulled back. “Is the ice shack unlocked? I left my gloves there the other day.”

“No, not locked,” he muttered.

It was the voice that sent complete sadness swimming through me as my heart leaped from my chest and threw itself out the window over the sink.

“I’ll get them.” I hauled ass out the back door, through the four-season room, through the snow, down the hill, and to the ice shack, my escape from everyone if only for a few moments.

Once inside, I closed the door, unprepared for whatever the hell emotion that wouldn’t leave me. I found Katie’s gloves next to the fireplace, the one that lit up my heart just days ago. No!

The door whipped open, and the green-eyed monster entered, reawaking my trembles.

“Gabe, I’m so out of here. This whole weekend was a mistake.” I pushed out a strong voice. “Thank God it’s over.” I stormed past him and pulled the door open, and he slammed it shut.

“This is a hell of a lot more than a weekend.”

“No, it’s not.”

“You can’t shut this down after all that’s happened.”

“Oh, I can.” I pulled open the door, and he pushed it shut again. “Are you serious?”

“What you heard in there?—”

“Stop. I don’t want to hear anything. This is all weird, and I don’t want to talk to you.” I pulled the door open, and he slammed it shut again. “Come on! The human body has seven trillion nerves, and you are managing to get on every single fucking one of them! Leave me alone!”

I pulled open the door, Gabe pushed it shut, but this time he gave the doorknob a forceful twist. A second later, he stood with the doorknob in his hand.

“What are you doing?” I grabbed the knob and attempted to reattach it to the door. “You’re such a jackass! Now we’re stuck in here!”

“I will talk to you.” He spoke through gritted teeth.

“Nothing to talk about. I want to forget it all.”

I continued to attempt to fix the door, realizing it wouldn’t happen unless I could become a magician in the next ten freaking seconds.

“Come on, Fern.”

“Shut up!” I shoved the knob into the hole, but it wouldn’t fit. How could it come out and not go back in?

I felt him standing behind me. “We need to clear the air. Do you hear me?”

My teeth were clenched. “I have selective hearing. And you are not selected.”

“You’re just scared.”

I stood up. “I’m scared of nothing!”

He whipped me around, pulled me close, and kissed me. And, oh my gosh, did he kiss me. After I regained my brain power, I pushed him away and wiped my lips with my forearm. Yes, over dramatic, but why not?

“You’re scared of that.”

I heard voices outside and didn’t know if I found that to be good or bad.

“Fern, are you in there?” It was Dan.

“Yes! Uh, Gabe was helping me find the gloves, and the door knob broke off.”

“Okay, we’ll get you out.”

I turned and whisper-yelled to the man who I was attempting to despise. “You think because you’re a good kisser there’s something more here? You’re delusional.”

He yanked me hard as my chest slammed into his. “If you think that’s all this is, you’re delusional.”

I quickly squirmed out of his grasp, channeled the scorned bitch that was me, and kicked the door so hard it flew open. Boom. Unfortunately, Pam was in its path and ended up on her ass.

Dan and I helped her up. “I’m so sorry, Pam. I just had to get the hell out of there.”