Page 39

I spun around and headed down the hall. When I looked over my shoulder, she was watching me. Maybe I was mistaken, but I thought I saw the smallest of smiles.

I rolled into the locker room with the pungent, damp, sour odor of hockey assaulting my nose, and the feeling of hope for the first time since she ran out of the circus that was my apartment the other night. But it was short-lived as a hand grabbed my jersey and threw me into the wall.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

I looked up to see Dave seething. He ran his hands through his hair, and his eyes were lethal as he motioned for me to stand back up. Shit.

“Let me explain?—”

Not happening, as the second I was up, he grabbed me again and threw me into the other wall before I hit the floor.

“You’re my best friend and you go after my sister?”

With that, the locker room cleared of my teammates. People were grabbing bags and flying out of Dodge. Yes, there would be no witnesses to my painful, untimely death.

I stood. “It’s not like that.”

“It’s not like that?” He hissed. “Your famous words when it comes to women.”

In the split second I blinked, his fist flew toward me. Luckily my Spidy reflexes kicked in, and I dodged so he didn’t take me out.

“No—”

“Fern has been through hell over the past years. She survived cancer, and she deserves happiness!”

“I care about her.”

Fire shot from his eyes as he grabbed my jersey and pulled me to his face. “No. You’re Wolkowski. You’re my friend who drinks too much and sleeps around. You have issues that you haven’t resolved from the past, and you know exactly what I’m talking about!”

I pushed him back. “This is different.”

“Hell yes, it is. This is my sister. This is you being all hot for a girl and then crushing her a few weeks later. You end this now. She deserves everything good, and that won’t happen with you around.”

“No.”

Dave took a swift step toward me and we were face-to-face.

“So, you have no doubt you won’t hurt her?”

I had hurt her. My heart sank. I’d made her cry, and I’d looked into her eyes and saw disappointment and pain as a result of being with me.

“You don’t think your roaming eye won’t tear her apart at some point? That your partying and drinking are too much? You are your own worst enemy, Gabe. I picked you up when you were close to checking out, man. You stop making moves on Fern.”

I gulped as I saw his eyes read mine. He looked at me for a long second, and I knew he knew.

“Motherfucker, you already made the move. You went behind my back and took advantage of my sister!”

The good news, he didn’t throw the knockout punch. The bad news, I felt my feet leave the floor as he hurled me into the lockers behind me. I got up and went right back to him. I stood chest-to-chest ready to take it. I had gone behind his back, and I had hurt his sister.

“I care about her.”

“You care about her? Then end this now.” He spoke through gritted teeth. “You know as well as I do that you’ll end up breaking her. You’re a wild card, and we both know how things end when you’re involved.”

His words were beating me harder than his fist ever could. They were all true.

“You can’t stand there and tell me you don’t have a single doubt about yourself and what you’re capable of doing to people.

To her? That what you feel today won’t be gone in a month or two?

That once you get used to her, you’ll have all the shit from your past resurface, making you cut and run?

We both know what you do, and you can’t change.

You’re the way you are from your messed-up past, and you’ll be that way forever. Not good enough for Fern.”

I stood silently, taking my punches like a man as my insides were falling.

I wanted to get the hell out of there, but my legs wouldn’t move.

It was familiar. It was my birth mom’s slum apartment with her boyfriend, telling me to get lost. That I was a useless nothing.

The other kids in the many foster homes I lived in telling me I was dirt because my mother died of an overdose.

That I would someday too because I was wired like a loser, and that’s all I’d ever be.

These were the words I’d spoken to myself thousands of times. And they were the truth. It killed me, but it was true. “This is different.” My sentence was weak, unbelievable. Like me.

“Different? Not for you. You’re a fuck up.

You can’t change, you never will. All you’ll do is disappoint and hurt her.

You’re the same guy I’ve tried to help but refused.

Everything you touch, you destroy. If you care about Fern, you go tell her whatever you have to and end this now. Let her go. Got me?”

Dave turned and walked toward the showers as I stood struggling to breathe.

My eyes shot left, and there he was, walking toward me.

I decided, at that moment, I was throwing all caution to the wind.

If this unbelievable man wanted to see what we could have together; I was in.

Yes, he had a previous encounter with the nearly naked woman I’d met in his apartment, but it was the past. His past. Bye-bye common sense, gut-feels, and the little voice in my head. Screw you all. I want Gabe.

I stood as he reached me and dropped the duffel bag from his hand to the ground.

“Hi.” It came out in a whisper while it took everything in me to not jump into his arms.

“Hey.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets while he looked at the ground.

“Gabe?”

His eyes slowly found mine, and I was struck by the sadness in them. The emerald jewels that brimmed with smiles and sexiness were filled with despair.

“What’s wrong?

He cleared his throat. “I’m glad you’re here. We need to clear the air. I didn’t expect to see you today.”

An eerie silence tightened my stomach.

Here I go. “I’ve been thinking about the other night. What you said about leaving the past in the past.” There. The words were out. Now I needed that sexy grin and his lips on mine.

But the moment stood still while his head nodded slowly. “I’ve been thinking about everything, too.”

I felt a little lost. “What I meant was that I’ve thought about everything you said, and I want to see where this can go.”

My words appeared to stun him as his mouth dropped open. “You do?” Disbelief was written all over his face.

I nodded. He stared at me for a few seconds, and then, like spinning on a dime, his entire demeanor changed. His shoulders stiffened, and his jaw clenched. “But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I’m not a guy for anything long term.”

Confusion crawled into my chest. “You said you wanted more than a day-by-day thing.” I held up my hand. “And the promise ring. Our promise.” What was happening? My temples started throbbing. His vibe was one of almost indifference, making the acid in my stomach start to simmer.

He let out a sarcastic laugh that pierced my heart. “I got wrapped up in you, but at the end of the day, I can’t do more than a day-by-day thing. I’m not capable.”

“What the hell are you saying?” No, no, no. Don’t do this . “You said you couldn’t get enough of us.” Please remember.

He inhaled sharply as if he was just about to dive in the deep end. “Clearly, you’re not picking up what I’m laying down. First of all, you don’t want me. I’m a selfish bastard who hurts everybody. Secondly, you and me were hot, and that’s what I like.”

My skin heated. “So all the shit you said?—”

“Was just shit I said.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I got wrapped up in the moment.” His words were knives sinking into me. But his eyes were sad as he inhaled and slowly released his breath. “You are one hell of a lay, Fern.”

My heart squeezed so tight I was dizzy. Before I knew what happened, my hand slapped his face with such force my palm stung.

He stood, completely still, as his eyes dropped to the ground.

I tore off my fake promise ring and flung it at his chest before turning on my heel and walking as fast as my feet would carry me.

I pushed my way through the mob of fans exiting the arena, hating each and every one of them just because. The icy air hit my tears that I was certain would result in tear-cicles at any second.

I roamed through the parking lot, trying not to cry, and then couldn’t remember where I parked my car. Fortunately, a woman stopped me thinking I was having a stroke or medical emergency as I yelled at the moon for betraying me. Yup, I’d been screwed over by the whole flipping universe.

The kind stranger, Melanie Parmett, helped me find my car, and agreed Gabe was the scum of the earth. I told her to use my story to warn her daughter of the horrible creatures that men are. Especially hockey players. She might as well use the damn story to help someone.

All the way home, I bitch slapped myself for believing I could handle anything with Gabe Wolkowski. We both went into the deal, both knowing it was nothing more, and I believed the lies that slid out of his mouth like the slush out of a slushy machine at the gas station.

After sneaking past my mother’s bedroom, I finally crawled into bed. My Lollipop ring tone sang out in the room that was way to freaking chipper for my mood. It was Dave.

“Hi. Good game tonight.” Shit, I’d left right after the game.

Had the team gone into the locker room when Gabe came after me?

Now that I thought about it, why did he come after me anyway?

WTF? If he was repulsed by the thought of anything more than a fling, why in the hell did he run after me?

I guess I’m just WTF-ing my way through life.

“I just wanted to make sure you got the tickets I left.”

Whew. He didn’t know. “Yes, thank you. You guys looked great out there.

“It’s been nice having you home. So, you’re feeling okay? You sound quiet.”

“I’m good. Just tired.” I pulled the comforter up to my chin.

“Well, I’ll stop by tomorrow if you want to grab lunch.”

“Sounds good.”

“Just a few days until the wedding. Can you believe it?”

Ugh, the wedding weekend after the stomping of my heart. “Yes, I’m sure it’ll be a great time.” I’d rather be waterboarded.

I heard him take a breath. “See you tomorrow. And Fern?”

“Yes.”

“I love you. You know I’m always here for you, right?”

My first smile in hours. “Right back at you, Bro.”

Lunch with my brother, pretending all was well, led me to Brandon’s apartment where I now rest my head on his chest as we watch Netflix in his bed.

He stroked my hair, and I felt a little peace from the torture that had been the last twenty-four hours.

I’d forgotten what a good cuddler he was and couldn’t think of a place better to get over Gabe.

“So you’re using me to get over the hockey dude?”

I looked up at his chiseled cheekbones, blond hair, and the brown eyes you could get lost in. “You got it. Your bed is the only place that can make me forget the man who I thought was really into me.”

His arms wrapped tighter around me.

“Can you make me forget him again?”

He chuckled. “Really? You have quite an appetite when your heart’s broken, don’t you?”

“Give it to me.”

“You got it, baby.” He rolled over and grabbed the third ice cream sandwich I’d had in the past hour. FYI, Brandon has been my best friend since the fourth grade. We always got each other, loved stupid movies, and the outdoors.

Our freshmen year in high school I had a little crush on him because he’s so stinking adorable.

Since neither of us had ever kissed anyone, I suggested we be each other’s first kiss and get that bad boy out of the way.

But once it happened, we quickly decided it could never occur again.

We were buds and would never be knockin’ boots. Totally gross.

He works for Renaissance Financial in Omaha, Nebraska as an investment advisor, but works remotely most of the time in St. Paul.

We’re connected at the hip whenever I come home, and he flies out to visit me a few times a year.

He’d been in St. Louis on business since I’d been home and returned at the perfect time to help stitch up my busted heart.

He recently got out of a two-year relationship because his girlfriend was, well, a bitch. I called that a year ago, but I was supportive as he tried to make the square peg fit into a round hole.

“You’re the Maid of Honor this weekend. You’d better quit eating all this junk, or you’ll bust a button or something.”

“Well, I clearly can’t find or buy happiness, but I can eat a shit ton of ice cream, and that’s kind of the same thing.” I peeled off my wrapper. “I’m dreading everything about it. How am I going to put on a smile when I’ll have to stare at the most beautiful man in the world who crushed me?”

He grabbed an icy treat for himself. “You’re a bad bitch, Fern. You’ve got this.”

Dread had knitted a quilt and was suffocating me with it. “I’m not a bad bitch. Right now, I’m an emotional Fruit Loop. Shit. What if he brings a date? You don’t think he’ll bring a date, do you?”

“Nah. He won’t.”

“You’re probably right, but who knows. Clearly, I still can’t read men and have dumbass stamped across on my forehead in glitter. Damn Guygar.”

“You’re not dumb. You followed your heart with a guy who’s a player. Quit beating up yourself and focus on just having the best time at the wedding. Screw him. Dance with every dude you can and make him regret the day he let you go.”

A little jolt flickered. “Of course, I could be fabulous. If nothing else, I can pretend I moved on and have a life that consists of mediocre happiness.”

He tilted his head. “My only concern is he’ll pull a slick one and try to get you back into weekend-pass mode.”

I held my hand up. “No. Fucking. Way. Will never happen.”

His brow popped. “You sound good now, but two glasses of wine in, and I’m worried he’ll be able to maneuver his way to where he wants to go.”

“Damn it. I do get a little slutty when I drink.” I clapped my hands. “I won’t drink. Boom, problem solved. Besides, after the words that tore me to shreds, there is no way in hell I’m even talking to the man.”

“Okay, I like what I’m hearing. Just don’t think about it until then.

Yeah, focus on girl shit for now. Like, uh, buying new eye power stuff or getting your nails painted.

” He grabbed a tissue and wiped off the ice cream I didn’t know was on my chin.

“Figure out what’ll look good on you so he regrets the day he saw Fern Ethel Novotny.

I eyed my extremely handsome best friend. “What would look good on me? Hmm.”