Page 29

My mother gave the most handsome man in the universe a hug before tugging my father out to the garage. “Tootles!”

An eerie silence filled the room while Gabe piled all four plates in his hands and carried them to the sink. I twisted my neck to watch his fine hinny as he rinsed the plates at the sink. I couldn’t think of one freaking word to say. Did I want him to leave?

He was filling the sink and shot me a smirk over his shoulder. “Does she have a dish towel?”

I nodded before standing and scooting over to the drawer next to the stove. I pulled out a yellow and blue floral towel. “Here you go.”

He took it before turning and taking a step toward me. His sea green eyes were as soft as his voice. “Thank you. If I wash, will you dry?”

I nodded. Come on Fern, spit out some words, dammit!

I followed him back to the sink, and he handed the towel back to me. His hand grazed mine, sending a tingle down my torso. As the bubbles grew in the sink, he scrubbed a plate and handed it over.

“Thank you for coming downstairs.” His eyes moved over to me. “I debated on wearing a nut cup but decided to brave it out.”

It was a smile I hadn’t felt for a while. “Ha ha.”

We went from washing plates to pans. “I wanted to come here sooner, but then you blocked my number. It seemed the writing was on the wall.”

I dried and put a pan in the drawer under the stove. “Why are you here?”

“Since you drove away, nothing has been right.” He switched off the water and turned to me. “What you heard Ed say, about Amy, was all wrong. He was wrong.”

There was a squeeze in my chest at her name rolling off his tongue. It made her real although she wasn’t.

“Can we sit?”

I turned, and he followed me to the table where we sat. I pointed to the bottle of wine. “Do I need this?”

His smile warmed me like hot coco. “Maybe.”

I filled my mom’s glass.

“Amy and I met in high school, dated through college, and got married the summer after graduation. She was an amazing person.”

A horn blew in my head, and I took a long drink.

“Did she have a butterfly tattoo identical to yours in the same place? Yes. Did a truck hit her car and run her off a bridge and into a river during an ice storm? Yes. Did I have anything to do with either? No.”

My heart sputtered at his words. The back of my eyes burned, remembering being trapped and alone in my car while my mind circled around what the last moments of Amy’s life were, and sadness washed over me.

His voice was soft as he leaned on the table. “That was the something I wanted to talk to you about at the cabin that night, but you stopped me.”

“I remember.” My voice cracked.

He leaned closer. “If I wasn’t playing hockey, I was blaming myself for her death.

I was supposed to go with her that day, but I was running late.

If I’d been in the car, maybe I could’ve gotten her out.

” He inhaled and paused. “Why didn’t I tell her not to move, and I’d take her is the question that has been playing on a loop for three years. ”

I reached over and rested my hand on his. “Gabe?—”

“I had no idea I could go to such a dark place, and the guilt I had was eating me alive. My friends and your brother are the sole reason I’m still here because I was ready to check out.”

Tears pooled in my eyes.

“It’s a miracle I’m still on the team as I medicated myself with liquor in order to get through the days. And the nights and nightmares were endless.”

My vision blurred, and I grabbed a napkin and dabbed eyes.

“I’ve been a messed-up son of a bitch for years.

I’m no good for anyone, and I decided I could never let myself feel that loss again because I couldn’t survive it.

” He took a deep breath as he ran his hands through his hair.

“I’ve been with many women but have had no relationships.

I’ve been honest, making it clear to them that I wanted nothing, would give nothing, and that was how it was.

I’ve been on a self-destructive path leading me somewhere I’d never come back from. ”

His voice cracked as he ran his hand over his eyes. It took everything in me not to climb onto his lap, pull him close, and tell him how sorry I was he ever had to go through that.

“But then I met you. Totally different from anyone, and for the first time in years, I felt light. Everything about you is joy, and you made me think more was possible.”

I sat nearly frozen, absorbing every syllable.

“I know hearing Ed the way you did freaked you out, and I don’t know if you can get past this or if you’ll think of me as a psycho, but I need you.

And if it has to be as a friend, I’ll take it.

The thought of not talking to you or hearing your laugh makes me crazy.

I know you’re leaving after the wedding, but until then, I want to hang out with you.

After that, I want to be in your life. I’ll take anything. ”

My chest wound so tight it was hard to breathe. “You’d be okay if friendship was all I could give?”

His eyes set on me. “I would. But I’ll work like hell to prove I’m worthy of more.”

My heart was begging to let him in, but it was too scary. While I wanted my voice to be strong, it was barely a whisper. “I can’t do the weekend pass. I thought I could, but no.”

He put his hands up. “That’s okay. We could just take it day by day. Friendship is fine. I’d just like to spend some time with you.”

I nodded.

He settled back in his chair, and I felt relief pouring off him. He cleared his throat. “Fern, could I take you out tonight for a bit? As friends or anything you want.”

For the first time in days, the fifty-pound weight that’d been sitting on the center my chest lifted. “Yes.” My heart was doing cheerleader jumps.

A little grin slid across his lips while his eyes twinkled at me. “Thank you.”

An hour later, we sat in a dark theater watching a kick you in the throat movie. We shared a bucket of popcorn. I know, puke. About halfway through the movie, he stretched his arm around the back of my seat.

Feeling his arm around me was the same feeling I had at age five.

A memory, a warm summer night at dusk, sitting on the swing in my back yard, taking in the last few moments of light before the sun would sink over the horizon.

Maybe it was that particular day, or being in the safety of my yard feeling utterly protected, but Gabe next to me brought back the feeling I’d never be able to put into words.

In the dark, I snuck a look at his profile…strong jaw line and perfect nose. Tingles tumbled down my spine, remembering his whiskers on my neck. Stop! Don’t go there. Maybe? No! Whiskers off. Clothes on.

The lights came up, and as I stood, I dropped my purse, which landed upside down on the floor. “Oops.” I sat back in my seat, quickly grabbing my just in case tampons that exploded from the bag and shoved them back inside while flashing a weak smile.

He sat back down. “Well, well, well. Look at all this stuff.”

“You just never know what you’ll need.”

He held up my little electric pencil sharpener. “Really?”

“I like pencils instead of pens, and you never know when you’ll need to sharpen. In case I have to erase an individual from my life forever.” I narrowed my eyes as he laughed.

“I’m picking up what you’re laying down, girl.”

“Good.” I scooped up a pair of hot pink socks. Huh. Maybe I did need to clean out my purse more frequently.

“OMG, Fern.” He raised a can of chili in the air.

I couldn’t help but sound defensive. “Listen, we’re in Minnesota, and you never know if you’ll be stranded in a blizzard or run into a damn tree. I could probably survive three days off that delightful can.”

His chuckle bounced off the chairs around us as he retrieved another item from the ground. “But a screwdriver?”

I shook my head. “Okay, multiple uses for that bad boy. If I had a car thing happen and I needed to unscrew some part?—”

His head shook. “You’d know what to unscrew under the hood of a car?”

Eye roll. “Well, no. But I’d sure as shit give it a shot. And it could be a self-defense tool. Ya know, if a thug tried to kidnap me, I could stab him in the eyes with my screwdriver. So there you go.”

“I like a lady with a plan. Maybe a jacked-up plan but none the less, a plan.”

The items were nearly all back in their proper place when he reached out and flashed a packet of taco seasoning at me. “Why?”

“Who doesn’t like tacos?”

“So basically, your purse is a junk drawer with handles?”

I stood, and he handed me the bag. “Not a junk drawer. More like a survival kit. You know, in case the apocalypse comes. Yeah, you’ll wish I was in the vicinity when that fucker hits.”

Out in the lobby, we were nearly plowed down by two high school girls with enthusiasm shooting out of their eye sockets.

“Gabe Wolkowski! I’m Zakari, and this is my sister Anna.”

I bit my cheeks to conceal my laughter at the love-struck girls.

Anna beamed. “Today is my birthday, and now we run into you!”

Zakari grabbed Anna’s hand. “You’re our favorite hockey player in the world.”

Gabe nodded. “Well, thank you. And happy birthday, Anna.”

Anna let out a squeal. “You said my name!”

Gabe chuckled as Zakari grabbed her phone from her jean pocket. “Can we get a picture with you?”

“Of course.”

Anna looked over at me. “Will you take the picture?”

“I’d love to.” I put my junk drawer on the floor as the girls scooted closer to Gabe.

“I can’t believe this!” Zakari was literally glowing.

I was just about to snap the photo and stopped. “You know, why doesn’t the birthday girl jump in Gabe’s arms, and Zakari, you hop on his back? I’m sure that would make one hell of an impact on social media, huh?”

The girls’ jaws hit the floor as Anna waved her hands in the air. “Are you freaking kidding me?”

I winked. “Do it, girl! It’s your birthday.”

Anna looked up as Gabe scooped her into his arms while her face turned bright pink. He looked at Zakari. “Grab my shoulders and hop on.”