CHAPTER 5
Sage
Groggy and disoriented, I struggled to make sense of the voices around me, but throbbing pain radiated throughout my body along with a burning, aching, desperate need that made it difficult to focus.
“…know her name?” Talon asked, his voice right beside me.
I tensed as Lord Rider growled a response that I couldn’t make out.
They were so close and I lay?—
My pulse roared, panic rushing through me. Had they discovered the truth? I was waking up from… something, and they surrounded me. I had to be in my room in the Black Tower.
Oh, Great Father. Please, don’t let them know my secret. Not yet. Sawyer still needed time, and I wasn’t ready for whatever punishment Rider was going to give me when he learned the truth.
I’d thought I could trust them, but after Lord Rider had made me run the trail until I’d thrown up and Quill and Talon had turned their backs on me without even glancing my way, I knew the truth. They didn’t care. As Sawyer, I was a nuisance. As Sage the girl, I was nothing.
“…stay here and watch,” Rider said.
“I can’t,” an all-too familiar voice said, making my thoughts lurch.
Why was Fantasy Man here? He wasn’t in the Black Tower… at least I didn’t think he was. He was in the Garden.
My thoughts lurched again.
The Garden. I’d been in the Garden, and Wells and Crane had attacked me, tied me up, and tried to force a mate bond on me.
My breathing picked up. I’d almost been mate bonded to Wells, and then I’d stabbed him until the forming bond shattered.
I’d killed him.
I’d murdered two men now, and the horror bubbled up inside me even as I knew I’d do it again if I had to.
“…last thing she needs is being caught…” Quill said, yanking my wavering attention back to the guys.
“Between the four of us, you’re the best at close quarter fighting,” Rider added.
I didn’t understand why they’d saved me. They’d wanted nothing to do with me in the Garden before, and yet all three of them had shown up to rescue me.
“No,” Fantasy Man said, his voice strained.
He must have been the fourth man I’d seen in the pool chamber and now he didn’t want to protect me.
The thought hurt worse than the pain radiating through my body, and I couldn’t understand why. I barely knew him. We hadn’t shared our names. We’d just had sex a few times. And yet I’d always felt safe with him. I’d trusted him like I’d trusted Talon and Quill in the Black Tower.
Of course, I’d been completely wrong about Talon and Quill. I was probably wrong about my Fantasy Man.
“She’ll be terrified of me,” Fantasy Man added.
“Ash, please,” Rider growled.
A whimper escaped my throat as my desire surged stronger. He didn’t want me. And I was the idiot girl who wanted him.
“She’s waking,” Rider said. “We should leave so we don’t frighten her. Keep her safe, Ash.”
My eyelids fluttered open, and I caught a glimpse of three large figures hurrying toward a bright entranceway. Another figure stepped away from me, sinking into the shadows of the dimly lit room.
He had to be Ash, my Fantasy Man… who didn’t want to stay.
No. He thought he’d terrify me.
He dipped his head, allowing his jaw-length hair to fall forward, obscuring the right side of his face.
“You’re safe,” Ash said, his voice sliding over me like it always did, sending shivers of longing racing down my spine. “You’re in a conception chamber in the Sacred Grove.”
Father! I ached for him like I’d never ached for anyone before. Even those times in the Garden when I thought my desire was unbearable were nothing compared to the burning, twisting need pounding through me now.
Except that wasn’t really me. It was the spell Wells had used to form a mate bond between us.
It had to be.
A fae woman’s mating marks compelled her to have sex when it was time for her to find her mates, and somehow, even though I couldn’t possibly be fae, I had the marks. That had to be why my body was going crazy, why my need was so much stronger than the pain pounding in my head or rippling through my body every time I even thought about moving.
“I promise,” Ash said, keeping his distance in the shadows. “No one will hurt you.”
Which was what I’d originally believed when I’d talked to Kit and Payne. Fae men respected their women. Fae women were revered.
But that wasn’t true. Wells and Crane had attacked and hurt me.
I curled into a ball, fighting to keep my desire contained while also trying to make myself as small as possible. My body screamed for sex, but my soul screamed for me to hide. I wasn’t safe anywhere. I hadn’t been safe in the Black Tower before Durand had tried to rape me, and now I wasn’t safe in the Garden.
My throat tightened and my eyes burned with tears. I wanted to be strong. I really did. But I was terrified. Would Mikel and his friends attack me again? Would other guardsmen? How long could I possibly keep my ruse up? I wasn’t as strong as a man, and I was foolish to think I could pretend to be one. And now the Garden?—
“Hey,” Ash said softly as he drew closer and picked up a blanket from the foot of the bed, but stopped before reaching me, the shadows and his hair still hiding most of his face.
His hesitation made my soul weep. I needed him. The thought was irrational, but I couldn’t stop the ache squeezing around my heart.
“Please.” I held out a hand, urging him to come closer, begging him to wrap me in his arms like he had when we’d cuddled on the couch in that secret nook and stared at the stars. “I won’t look. I promise.” I swallowed at the painful lump forming in my throat. “I know there isn’t anything between us, but…”
Ash’s grip on the blanket tightened. “I’ll scare you.”
“You won’t,” I insisted. “You fought those men to protect me. Please, I need?—”
My desire surged, dragging a moan from my lips.
“It’s not— I can’t give you that.” But he took another step closer. “Your marks are too bright. We’ll be bonded, and you don’t want me as a mate.”
I didn’t want anyone as a mate. I wanted to be free, able to make my own decisions, and not be beholden to any man. But if I had to be stuck with someone, it’d be all right if it was Ash, my Fantasy Man. He was the only man who’d ever made me feel safe.
Except I wasn’t even fae. I shouldn’t be showing up in the Garden every night. Would my soul even bond with his?
Maybe we could have tonight, and he’d ease the yearning burning inside me and make me feel wanted.
No! There was still a chance we could bond. Only fae were allowed within the Garden and yet I’d woken up here every night since I’d stepped into the Gray. I couldn’t risk it.
I’d sacrificed everything for Sawyer, and I couldn’t forget the vision that had convinced me to take his place in the Black Guard. I wouldn’t lose my only remaining family member to the Gray. I had to keep going.
Except it was so hard. I was already worn thin, and I’d only been at the Black Tower for a single rotation.
Tears rolled down my cheeks. I just needed someone, anyone, even for a moment, to care.
“Please,” I choked out, reaching out for him as my need surged stronger. “I need?—”
“I know, Red.” Ash’s shoulders sagged. “I know. You’ll learn my name soon enough and know the truth,” he murmured.
He inched closer and I realized, even in the dim light and with his hair hiding half of his face, that he was the heartbreaking angel who’d pulled me out of the water — the one with the horrible scar covering the right half of his face.
“You saved me,” I whispered.
He brushed a hand through his hair, pulling back the strands and offering a brief glimpse of the sorrow I knew lay beneath. His image was already burned into my soul the moment he dove into the water and reached for me.
Pain twisted the unblemished side of his face, but I knew it wasn’t physical. This was why he’d said he’d terrify me. He thought he was hideous, thought I’d run from him screaming. Was that how others had behaved?
It broke my heart thinking a man who’d shown me such kindness and care had people who treated him with disgust all because of a physical injury.
I knew disgusting, horrible people, and Ash couldn’t compare. He was nothing like my step-father, Edred, who’d beaten me and Sawyer for no reason, or Wells and Crane who thought they could force themselves on me. Even Durand thought he had the right to take what he wanted from me.
My chest tightened, the memories flooding in, overwhelming my desire and pain. I had no safe place to go. The fae men in the Garden were just as bad as the human men who owned me.
Be strong. Please, I had to be strong.
But I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t push back the overwhelming fear. I was going to die in the Gray and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
“Hey,” Ash said softly, finally shuffling up the side of the bed and wrapping the blanket around me. “It’ll be all right. I’ve got you.”
He pulled me close, my back against his chest. My desire spiked, but I wrapped my arms around myself, resisting the urge to respond to my body’s yearnings. I needed his comfort more than I needed sex, but I wasn’t sure how long I could resist my burning mating marks.