Page 21

CHAPTER 21

Sage

Sir West turned away from the door and glared at Quill while Quill watched me, his emerald gaze intense.

I squirmed under his scrutiny. “So if I always manifest in the Garden where the spirit anchor is and you always have the anchor,” I said to Sir West. “Why do we need to be spirit linked?”

“For added protection, my lady,” Sir West said, his voice deep and harsh.

“Once the immediate threat is gone, you’ll be able to secure the anchor in your suite here,” Lord Quill said, drawing my gaze back to him. “Right now, the High Priestess believes you’re safest if you’re always with Sir West.” The muscles in Quill’s jaw flexed. He didn’t believe what he just said.

The realization made me even more nervous to be stuck with Sir West.

I really needed to figure out how to stop waking in the Garden. If I could do that, this whole mess wouldn’t matter. Zinnia had said she’d find me, and I was sure I could ask her about controlling when and where I manifested.

Although I suspected it was going to be the same as changing my clothes. Just imagine it and it’ll happen.

Which was easier said than done.

Sudden, desperate heat flared around my neck, and a violent achy need clawed at my insides as if my mating marks hadn’t been put to sleep. The force drew a sharp gasp and a tremble swept through me, threatening my balance.

Oh, Father!

Sir West jerked toward me as if to grab me, but Lord Quill reached me first, steadying me with firm hands on my hips.

The power that always snapped between us when we touched stole my breath, and my soul burned for him, ramping up my need.

“I’ve got you,” he murmured, his warm breath feathering over the back of my neck. “Let me help you.”

Yes. Oh, yes yes yes.

I ached for him, every fiber of my being screamed to give in. But I couldn’t let him see my marks. He’d ask questions. He’d wonder if he was the mate his goddess had picked for me when Zinnia had said some of my marks turning green might not mean I had a mate.

Except how much of that was just to console me? Zinnia knew I didn’t want a mate. She’d seen my panic at the thought that my soul was bound to someone else’s. Maybe she’d lied and I really was permanently bound to a fae man.

“I’m fine,” I insisted, my voice breathy with need.

I couldn’t give in. The spike of desire would pass. I could last until Zinnia got here and…

And I had no idea what I’d do after that. I had questions, but Zinnia arriving didn’t mean the ache within me would instantly go away.

Another hot spike roared through me, and I bit my lip to stop the moan that bubbled in my throat.

“You’re not fine.” Quill’s grip on my hips tightened and he pressed close, his chest against my back. “Let me take care of you. I don’t have magic. The Goddess won’t bond us.”

Yes.

No.

Damn it. I couldn’t trust him.

Whatever it was that zinged between us was a lie. My body craving him didn’t mean anything.

“I just need to rest.” I yanked out of his hold and stumbled forward.

Sir West took another jerky step toward me, his hands held out to catch me as if he thought I was going to collapse.

“No.” I held up a hand, stopping him before he could reach me. “I’m fine .”

“You’re not,” Lord Quill insisted. “The pressure from your marks is going to keep getting stronger.”

I wanted to tell him it wouldn’t, that Zinnia had put my marks to sleep and I just needed to wait for this desire spike to pass. But I didn’t want to deal with the inevitable questions.

Except from his expression, he wasn’t going to give up.

Fine. If he was going to insist I be with someone?—

“I want Ash,” I trusted Ash more than I trusted anyone else. He might be a Captain of the Black Guard and beholden to Rider’s commands, but my very essence told me I was safe with him.

Quill’s concern shifted to something strange and sad that I couldn’t recognize. “Captain Ash isn’t permitted in this part of the Divine Residence.”

“Not permitted?” Except I had a horrible feeling I knew why he wasn’t permitted.

“Captain Ash isn’t pretty enough,” Sir West stated, his expression darkening even more making it obvious he wasn’t pretty enough either. And my best guess as to why he was in the suite now was because he’d been shackled to me.

Was I a punishment for Sir West?

The High Priestess had spirit linked us, did she believe the goddess wouldn’t bond us together?

Or did she believe we would be bound together, and I was a reward.

I shuddered at the thought. The fae’s goddess might bind fae together, but that didn’t mean the High Priestess couldn’t push fate in whatever direction she wanted. All the High Priestess had to do was restrict who I could and couldn’t be in contact with. Eventually my mating marks would pick from whoever was available.

I didn’t know which was worse, knowing you had no control over your fate like a human woman, or having the illusion of control like a fae woman.

And after my one rotation as a guardsman, I hated not having any control at all. I hated being demure and afraid and obedient. Even as a man magically bound to the Black Tower I at least felt like I had some control.

“If Ash isn’t allowed in the suite,” I said. “I’ll go to him.”

If they were so determined to make me have sex with someone, it was going to be with the one man in this place I actually trusted.

Sir West stiffened. “It isn’t safe.”

Of course it wasn’t. Logically I knew that. Some of the men who’d attacked me were still out there, but everything this evening had been out of my control. Wells and Crane had abducted me, my marks had flared making me desperate, and the High Priestess had bound me to Sir West.

“So I’m a prisoner?” I snapped.

Oh, shit!

My stomach bottomed out, and I slapped a hand over my mouth to stop myself from saying more. I couldn’t risk making Sir West angry… or any angrier than he already was.

“Not at all,” Quill said with a quick glance at Sir West whose expression remained solidly grim. “But until we— until the Order ,” he corrected himself, “can identify everyone involved in the attack, you’re safer in this suite.”

Father! He sounded like every human man I’d come across.

And I felt like I always did. Trapped, helpless, afraid.

There wasn’t any difference between being a human woman and a fae woman.

Sir West would undoubtedly stop me from leaving, and even if I managed to escape, the soul link would tell him exactly where I was.

I swallowed at the bitter taste in my mouth and blinked back the tears of frustration burning my eyes.

“I shall retire to my room,” I forced out, straining to keep my voice soft and even.

I dropped my gaze to my feet. I didn’t have the strength to lift it. My whole life I’d been taught to bow to the men around me and in the face of utter defeat, I couldn’t resist the compulsion.

I turned to the bedroom with the simple one-person bed, but Lord Quill, his hands still on my hips, directed me toward the fancy bedroom.

A hysterical laugh bubbled in my throat and I fought to swallow it back. The enormous bed was mine? Sir West was going to have to squeeze into that tiny bed for however long we were stuck together?

Clearly I wasn’t a reward for the monstrous knight.

I squared my shoulders fighting to regain whatever dignity I had left and strode toward the fancy bedroom. But Sir West followed me, his footsteps heavy and ominous.

He wasn’t going to leave me alone.

He wasn’t going to stay in that tiny bed.

No.

No way in hell.

I needed a god-damned moment to myself, time to pull myself together, relieve the pressure from my mating marks, and sob my heartache and frustration in a pillow.

He was not going to watch me do that.

“By myself, my lord,” I said with as firm a tone as I could manage.

Please. I just need a moment.

Another spike of desire slammed into me, and I clenched every muscle in my body to stay standing and hide my reaction.

“I’ve been ordered to guard you,” he rumbled. “I can’t let you out of my sight.”

Of course he couldn’t.

“I’m just going to rest in bed.”

“My lady,” he insisted, sending a shock of rage surging through me.

I. Needed. A. Moment.

“So what?” I spun on him, all fear of being reprimanded gone. Whatever he came up with to punish me couldn’t be as bad as running the trail until I threw up or being beaten every few days, or watching my brother on the ground desperate to breathe. “You’re going to watch everything?”

Sir West stared at me grimly.

“When I bathe? When I make love? Even when I piss?”

“Your safety until you’ve bound all your mates is my only duty.”

“West,” Lord Quill said, stepping between us.

Sir West glared at him. “My only duty.”

Another spike of need, this one overwhelming, crashed through me, and my knees gave out. I hit the floor hard, gasping and shivering, and both Sir West and Lord Quill lurched toward me.

Quill shouldered West out of the way — something Sir West had to have allowed given that I doubted anyone could have moved the man if he set his mind to it.

“Let me take care of you,” Quill begged, cupping my face in his hands.

My pulse pounded, and the sincerity in his green eyes made my soul ache for him.

A part of me desperately wanted him, was certain he was mine. Maybe he was my mate, the reason some of my marks turned green.

“Please let me help you,” he said again.

My arguments for keeping him at a distance because I didn’t want him to see my magicless marks and because I didn’t trust him started to crumble.

He and the others were going to see my marks at some point. They were going to ask questions regardless, and Quill obeying Lord Rider didn’t mean much if I wasn’t going to get attached to him.

And I wasn’t going to get attached.

I’d been fine having sex with Ash and not knowing his name, understanding that we weren’t building a relationship and just having fun. I’d be fine using Lord Quill to ease the desire from my marks.

And if I thought that enough times, maybe I’d eventually believe it.

Zinnia had said it could take days or even months for the desire in my marks to completely go away. If the spikes were this strong, I wouldn’t last.

I’d lose my mind if it took months.

Hell, I’d lose my mind if it took days.

And what if it followed me back to the Gray?

If Talon’s desire was added to it?—

I shuddered. I didn’t want to think about it.

I had to get my need under control. I had to control something, anything. And if I was being honest with myself, I’d craved Lord Quill from the moment he’d ridden into the Herstind Castle’s bailey.