Page 32

CHAPTER 32

Sage

I grabbed an orange and limped out of the kitchen. Thankfully Grefin, Lewin, and Payne sat at the closest table, and I sagged onto the bench beside the enormous fae warrior.

“So when we’re done eating, you’re coming back to our rooms to soak in our tub,” Kit said as he sat beside me, boxing me in with his mate. “The bathing salts aren’t as good as the water in an actual healing pool, but it’s better than a regular soak.”

“And way better than the nothing you’d get in your room,” Lewin added.

“In fact, why don’t you move into the suite? We’ve got an extra room.” Payne ate a mouthful of stew and groaned in pleasure. “Goddess, that’s good.”

“You can’t move him into your suite,” Grefin huffed. “Rider will assign you a permanent fourth soon.”

“Not until after the competition.” Lewin ripped off a chunk of bread and dipped it in his stew. “That’s at least a few rotations away. Then there are the rotations to train for the White and Gold Towers and the competition rotations. By the time we have a fourth, the runt here will have had a growth spurt and will probably be our fourth. Besides, Payne isn’t even using his room. We’ve got two empty beds just ready and waiting.”

“He won’t beat an experienced guardsman for an elite spot,” Grefin huffed. “You think you’re good enough, runt?”

I shoveled a spoonful of stew into my mouth, and salty, savory flavor exploded across my tongue. Payne was right. The stew was amazing.

Grefin was also right. I couldn’t win the competition for an elite position in the guard, and I shouldn’t even try. I had to keep my secret. Although I did need to become a better fighter if I was going to survive what was coming.

I picked up my slice of bread, the simple movement making my arms ache.

Maybe I should take Kit up on the offer to soak in the tub in their suite. It would be safer than using one of the pools in the basement. I might be able to sneak into the healing pool in the basement in the middle of the night, but there was still a chance someone would wander in… like Talon.

A shiver rolled through me at the memory of walking in on him in that pool when I’d first arrived.

Except there was still a chance Kit, Payne, or Lewin would walk in on me while I bathed. Sure, they were going to bed after this, but that didn’t mean one of them couldn’t wake up and need to piss. Would they knock, or would they walk right in?

I couldn’t risk it.

“Unless you’re entering the competition to be our fourth,” Kit said to Grefin.

Grefin shrugged, his spoon halfway to his mouth. “Maybe I will.”

“You did great taking down that bear the other night,” Payne said.

Grefin huffed. “You and I both know I wouldn’t have been able to finish it without your help.”

“And that’s why we’re a team.” Kit swiped his bread against the bottom of his now-empty stew bowl, sopping up every morsel of delicious gravy.

“Here’s hoping we’ll need a little teamwork tonight,” Grefin said.

“Here’s hoping.” Lewin sighed. “I just about fell asleep last night in the saddle. I can’t believe we didn’t find anything.”

“Maybe the shadows are finally figuring out that they need to stay away from the Tower, the Gates, and the ring,” Payne said.

“Maybe we’re finally putting a dent in their numbers,” Grefin added.

That would be good. The shadow monsters didn’t belong in the Gray. They belonged in the shadow realm on the other side of the Shadow Gate. Life in the Black Guard would become so much safer once all the monsters were gone. Then the job would be a matter of monitoring the Shadow Gate to ensure it stayed closed.

But the Shadow Gate had been magically sealed almost five hundred years ago and the Black Guard was still hunting shadow monsters. Was it really possible that we were finally winning the battle against the monsters?

“And maybe we just had a quiet night.” Kit leaned back and stretched. “We’re out again for two more nights and then we get lieu time. Let’s not get sloppy now.”

“I know you’re just saying that for the runt’s sake.” Grefin drained his ale mug and stood. “You’re the least sloppy team I know. You lost Hodge because that’s the job sometimes, not because you’re bad hunters. Everyone wants to be your fourth.”

Lewin chuckled. “Guess you’re actually going to have to work for something for once if you want to make this permanent.”

“Guess I will,” Grefin shot back.

The two men grabbed their empty trays and carried them to the bin where we were supposed to put our dirty dishes. Payne shoved the remaining large chunk of bread into his mouth and stood as well.

“So you’re coming back to soak in our tub,” Kit said as he picked up his own tray.

“I think I’ll be all right.” And I had to hope that was true.

While I desperately wanted a long soak in a tub with healing salts, I desperately wanted to keep my secret more.

Kit narrowed his eyes, clearly not believing that I’d be fine.

“We have dinner at the eight bell.” Payne grabbed my tray and piled it on top of his. “Eat with us before we go out.”

“Ah, sure.”

I rescued my orange before Payne took my tray to the bin then watched the guys leave the great hall, Grefin to his room in the right wing and the others to their hunter team’s suite in the left wing.

Now alone, I wasn’t sure what to do.

I wanted to go back to my room and rest, but I wasn’t ready to go back to the Garden — where I’d inevitably end up if I fell asleep. I was also afraid of how stiff I’d be when I woke again.

Better to keep moving and keep my muscles loose, so I wandered out the side door to the cramped area between the three-story barracks and the one-story section of the building where I’d stopped after my very first breakfast in the Gray.

It felt weird not having anything to do. This was the first time since I could remember when I didn’t have a chore or someone to attend to. Even before my father had died, I’d had lessons and responsibilities. There were always people around watching and helping.

My life had even been more or less the same for a few years after mother had married Edred, but even before she’d passed, I’d started getting more chores and fewer lessons. By the time she’d died, I was pretty much just another servant in Herstind Castle, and servants didn’t get days off.

I leaned against the Tower’s stone wall, peeled my orange, and watched the men in the large bailey go about their duties.

Two men I didn’t recognize pushed wheelbarrows filled with soiled hay and manure out of the stables and across the hard-packed dirt yard to the side door.

It was strange to see someone else on stable duty, but if what everyone said was true, I’d be assigned a new chore tomorrow afternoon. Unless you really pissed off Lord Rider or the Seneschal — who was the man responsible for duty assignments — or you had a special skill, you never got the same chore twice in a row.

Unlike Kit, however, I wasn’t going to assume my next chore would be less physically demanding than mucking stalls.

I popped a slice of orange in my mouth and savored the tart sweetness.

My next assigned chore, however, was the least of my worries. How long did I have before the vision of my death came true?

Given my current condition, I didn’t stand a chance of fighting back. And from the fact that it looked like I’d been beaten and stabbed to death in my vision, I was in for the fight of my life.

Sure, I might have actually improved while Mikel, Durand, and the others were tossing me into the stream every day. But when they’d ambushed me yesterday — Father had it only been yesterday! — they’d also proven I hadn’t improved nearly enough to survive what was coming.

I needed to be stronger and faster. I needed to hone my abilities. But just the thought of training even the regular amount we were supposed to train as guardsmen novices made my body throb in agony.

I released a heavy breath and ate another slice of orange. It didn’t matter what I wanted or thought I needed right now. I’d already been pushed past my breaking point. I couldn’t push myself any farther. My body wasn’t up for anything. I needed to let it heal and the only way for that to happen was to rest.

Except I couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to do something.

So much of my life right now was completely out of my control: I didn’t know what my next duty assignment would be, I had no control in the Garden, Zinnia had told me about things I could expect and how I could behave, but given my experience with Wells and Crane, I wasn’t sure I completely believed her, and I sure as hell didn’t know if Mikel and his gang were plotting my next punishment.

I huffed a bitter laugh. Of course they were. They were enjoying themselves in Lehyrst and figuring out what to do to me next.

I finished my orange and stiffly wandered out to the practice yard. I stared at the jagged gray landscape. There was less mist than usual and if I stared long enough, I managed to catch a weak, hazy glimpse of the sun.

Thirty men worked in the practice yard, twenty of them going through sword drills to keep in shape and improve their fighting abilities while ten practiced their archery.

Once we finished novice training, we’d be put into the standard rotation where we’d have morning or afternoon chores, alternating with training or guard duty. Regular guardsmen didn’t hunt shadow monsters, we patrolled the road to the fae ring, the area around the Black Tower and near the Shadow Gate, and stood watch on the Tower’s walls. We made sure the merchants who supplied the guard were protected and that we were ready for a shadow attack that everyone prayed wouldn’t come.

I didn’t understand why service in the Black Guard had to be a life sentence for humans. Sure, it was dangerous protecting the Gray from the shadow monsters that roamed the rugged land, but being in any army was dangerous, and other armies didn’t require their men to give up their families for them or to commit to a lifetime of service.

Of course, given the selfish nature of mankind, it wouldn’t surprise me if conscription had been the only way to fill the Guard’s ranks when the Shadow Gate had been sealed five hundred years ago and the fae and human leaders had agreed to station a fighting force in the Gray.

But if the Black Guard only required a twenty-year service and people knew about the regular pay and the good food and lodging, I doubted the Five Great Kingdoms of Man would need to resort to the lottery to fill the Guard’s ranks. The kingdoms and the lords would have to improve how they treated their own soldiers instead.

I watched two men join the others with their sword training. A few joked about them working on their lieu days, but the two men replied that they wanted a spot on an elite team and were getting ready for the competition.

For a moment, I wondered what it would be like to join the comradery and be lightly teased about wanting to practice instead of visiting one of the girls in Lehyrst. But even if I could physically handle training right now, I wouldn’t be welcome. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be welcome.

Which was a foolish thought. I couldn’t be welcome because I was a girl. I wasn’t one of them and eventually I’d be found out. As much as it stung, not being welcome was one of the things protecting me.

I walked the perimeter of the practice yard to help my aching body and even contemplated walking the running trail for something to do.

But the thought made my stomach churn with a mix of the fear I’d felt when Durand and the others had attacked me, and the anger of running it over and over until I threw up.

The fourth bell rang, indicating lunch for those on the first shift, but since I hadn’t eaten that long ago, I wasn’t hungry. I also wasn’t sure I wanted to brave the great hall all by myself.

I continued to do slow laps around the practice yard, giving the men who were training a wide berth, and let my mind wander. The fifth bell rang for the second shift’s lunch and I watched men switch jobs, head back into the Tower or go to or from the practice yard. This was life at the Black Tower, and it felt strange to be standing on the outside watching and not doing anything.

I should go back to my room. I didn’t know what to do, my mind kept sliding from one thought to the next without any real focus…

I was bored.

I huffed at myself. I couldn’t afford to be bored. I had too much to worry about. On the tour of the Black Tower during my first official day as a guardsman, Talon had mentioned there was a library in the room above the great hall. If I couldn’t help myself physically, I could still try to help myself mentally.

Maybe there was a book in the library that could help me understand why the fae’s Garden thought my soul was fae and kept letting me in, or teach me about fae culture, or help me understand my magic. Hell, even having a better understanding of the shadow creatures and what I might face in the Gray while I pretended to be my brother would be helpful.

I went back up to the third floor and the large wooden doors at the end of the hall. Beyond them was an enormous room filled with towering bookshelves that were crammed with books and scrolls. Light poured from a large square in the center of the ceiling, and when I headed down the main aisle to look at it, I discovered it was a strange window that looked up at the sky. Given that the sky was gray and hazy, it was hard to tell how clear the glass was, but since it had to be a fae invention, I was sure the glass was perfectly clear.

The rest of the library was lit with bright fae lights, but while there were two main aisles — one running side to side, the other top to bottom — the rest of the shelves were organized into maze-like passages that reminded me a lot of the sacred grove in the Garden.

I glanced at the spine of the closest book, but it didn’t have a title. The book beside it didn’t have a title on the spine, either, and the one beside that had a title written in the fae’s swirly writing.

I pulled out the first of the books that didn’t have a title on the spine and opened it. It was a history of the Black Guard. The table of contents indicated that it covered the Guard’s history for the first fifty years of its creation.

Interesting, but not necessarily useful for my various problems.

I put the book back and, with no idea where I was going and no one who I could ask, wandered down the first narrow aisle I came across.

The shelves had more history books both in the common human language and fae, some with actual titles on their spines. I reached an intersection, took the path on my right, and rounded a corner, stepping into a small reading nook.

The nook had two comfortable chairs on one side, a small desk and chair on the other, and a stunned Tyon holding a stack of books in the middle.

“It’s ah… it’s not what it looks like,” the heavyset young man stammered.