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“Prims?” Chase asks as he closes the front door, referring to our favorite pizza parlor.

It’s Tuesday night and Chase is usually the resident cook around the house, but because he has a late lecture on Tuesdays, he decided it was easier to order take out instead of coming home to cook. I won’t complain, not when Prims is mentioned. I live and breathe pizza, especially Prims.

“Did someone say Prims?” Theo’s voice beams from the kitchen in an excited tone.

Of course he heard. The mere mention of food always has his ears perking up. Chase and I round the corner to the kitchen where Theo sits perched upon a stool with his sister Mia next to him. The kitchen counter is bombarded with paper, pens sprawled everywhere, and two open laptops. Just one look at the counter and it looks like a bomb went off…a bomb filled with stationary supplies .

“Hi, Mia.” I smile at her as I walk further into the room and lean against the island.

“Greyson, Chase.” She nods at us as she starts packing away some papers into a bright yellow folder that has me squinting from the brightness of it.

“You don’t have to stop whatever you’re doing on our account,” Chase mutters as he opens the fridge and pulls out a bottled water. “We’re ordering Prims if you want to stay?”

“I was just about to pack and leave anyway,” she gives him a faint smile. “Eloise and I are going out for tacos, taco Tuesday and all that. But thanks for the offer.”

“Can we get tacos?” Theo whines, giving beady eyes to Chase.

“No.”

“But—”

“I said no.” Chase responds in a stern voice which has me snorting, trying to hold in my laughter.

Mia finishes packing up the rest of the stuff into a bag that’s just as bright as the folder she had in her hands minutes prior and looks at Theo with a smirk on her face. “We still on for Saturday?”

He rolls his eyes. “Like I have a choice,” he scoffs. “You’ve already made the stupid costume.”

She grins at him. “Shouldn’t have lost the bet then.”

“It was a stupid bet!” He growls.

“Blah, blah, blah.” She rolls her eyes as she starts walking away, clutching her laptop to her chest.

“Be sure to say hi to Eloise for me.” Theo wiggles his eyebrows in Mia’s direction.

“She’s not intere sted.” Mia laughs.

“Wanna bet?” Theo smirks.

“You wanna lose again?” She raises a brow at him, and he chews his lip in thought. “Yeah, didn’t think so,” she grins. “See you later, boys.” She does a two-finger salute before exiting the kitchen.

“She’s totally into me!” Theo shouts as the front door opens.

“In your dreams!” Mia shouts back just as the front door slams shut.

“Oh, she doesn’t want to know what happens in my dreams.” His grin is mischievous as he faces us.

“We don’t either,” Chase resorts, taking a sip of water. “Is Hunter here?”

“Uh, his car is on the drive, but I haven’t seen him.” Theo shrugs, shoving a square of chocolate into his mouth.

“Dude, we’re about to eat soon.” I scold him, leaning over to reach for the packet on the counter.

“Hey!” He whines, trying to snatch the wrapper from my hand. “It’s an appetizer anyway.”

“Go upstairs and ask Hunter if he wants Prims.” Chase says to Theo, gesturing with his head toward the stairs.

“I don’t see why I have to, we know he’s going to have some.” Theo rolls his eyes as he starts walking out of the kitchen backward. “Who turns down pizza?”

“Just do as you’re told.” I tease him.

With both his hands up, he shows me his middle fingers with his tongue poking out in a mocking manor before turning around and stomping up the stairs. Rolling my eyes at his retreating form, I open the pantry door and place the chocolate back inside, close it behind me and turn toward Chase wh o’s sitting upon the countertop swinging his legs over the side like he’s a child.

“Comfy?” I give him an amused look.

“Incredibly.” He nods, fishing his phone out of his pocket.

He’s six foot five, but somehow, he always finds sitting on the kitchen counter comfy. How? It’s hard, it hurts your ass, and did I mention how uncomfortable it is?

Grabbing my phone off the counter beside him, I walk toward the living room and throw myself down onto the couch. Resting my arms over my eyes, I sink further into the couch and pray Chase has ordered the pizza because I am seconds away from closing my eyes and falling asleep. Feeling my phone vibrate on my leg, I groggily lift it and scan the numerous messages I’ve been ignoring throughout the day.

Jane EL class: I heard you’re throwing a Halloween party on Saturday, can’t wait to see what you dress up as??

Raina calc class: Hi, I know our first date didn’t go as planned…but wanna try a second?

Unknown number: *image attachment*

Unknown number: I know you’d love a handful of these????

Unknown number: Give me a call after your game on Friday and I’ll show you a good time??

Groaning, I throw my phone on the coffee table, praying the screen hasn’t cracked. I used to love gett ing these messages, but now it just feels like desperation, on their end. If someone doesn’t respond to your first six messages, why bother trying again? I can’t even remember the last time I actively had a conversation with someone through text—other than with the guys—without losing interest, or just a conversation with anyone in general.

“Yo!” Theo shouts out of breath as he stumbles down the stairs like he’s trying to get away from a serial killer.

“Why are you out of breath?” I give a questioning look.

“Hunter.” He takes a breath, getting oxygen into his lungs.

“Did he want pizza?” Chase asks, walking into the living room.

“Yeah, and uh, Nina does too.” Theo wiggles his eyebrows.

“He’s up there with Nina?” I ask.

“Oh, he’s up there with Nina,” he winks. “And I think I just walked in on them seconds away from fucking.”

“What?” Chase looks confused.

“I knocked!” He exclaims, his eyes widening slightly. “But then I just walked in, and they both looked…flustered.”

“In what sense?” I raise an amused brow.

“Well, picture this…”

“We don’t need a play by play, Jenkins. Skip .” Chase mutters, sitting on the couch and leaning back.

“You’re no fun.” He rolls his eyes at Chase.

“And neither are you.” Chase resorts back.

“Oh, I’m fucking fun—”

“Details, Theo. I need details.” I cut him off.

“Right, okay,” he slumps into the couch in between Chase and me. “I walk in, and although they were sat beside eac h other, it was clear as shit that they were kissing—or more. Their cheeks looked flustered, and when I asked if I was interrupting something, you know what they said?”

“That you were and to fuck off?” Chase leans his head to the side, glancing at him with an unamused look on his face.

In return, Theo glares at him. “No, you idiot. They said I wasn’t interrupting, and they were studying . Ha, fuck off were they studying.”

“Maybe they were studying.” Chase shrugs.

Theo scoffs. “Yeah, studying each other’s bodies.”

“Anatomy.”

“You what now?” He looks at me with a puzzled expression.

“Anatomy,” I repeat. “That’s what it’s called when you study bodies.”

“There’s an actual word for it?” He gasps.

He’s not that stupid, right?

“Right, pizza is ordered,” Chase announces, standing from the couch. “I’m gonna shower before it gets here.”

“Wanna play a game?” Theo asks, leaning over to turn the Xbox on.

“Fuck it.” I shrug.

***

An hour later we’re all sitting at the table demolishing the pizza—Nina included. And the way Hunter is giving subtle glances in her direction with admiration in his eyes while she talks about her degree makes my lips tilt up.

Seeing one of your best friends become infat uated with a girl, it’s exciting, but at the same time, it’s weird. I’ve never seen him so invested in a girl before, and I can’t lie, it’s a good look on him.

He mentioned before how they knew each other in high school, and how he had the biggest crush on her until he found out she had a boyfriend, so he buried those feelings away. But when he saw her again at Jinx, he decided he wasn’t going to let her slip through his fingers again.

Dipping a slice of pizza in a dollop of ranch, my eyes glance to Nina again as she talks with Theo, and my mind diverts to thoughts of Lilly. The way she ran out on me last week at Leon’s still sits fresh in my mind. I was just staring at her, thinking how utterly beautiful she was, effortlessly beautiful. And the next thing I know, her eyes were glistening with tears. She was grabbing her bag and hightailing out of there quicker than I could even blink.

I remember grabbing my own backpack, which got caught up and chasing after her, but I wouldn’t have even known where to begin. For starters, I had no idea what car she drove, and I didn’t even know where she lived. Hell, I don’t even know her, so I don’t understand why I was fine chasing after her to make sure she was okay.

Since then, I’ve seen her a total of three times, but each time I made a move to talk with her, she disappeared from me. Was it me? Did I do something wrong? I always have a way of fucking things up, even if I don’t realize I’m doing it.

Nina’s phone vibrates on the table, she picks it up and a worried look flashes across her face. Excusing herself, she hurries out of her chair and answers the call.

Watching as she walks away, I wait until she ’s out of sight before turning my attention toward Hunter. “Are you two fucking?” I decide not to beat around the bush.

Theo glances at me, his eyes bulging from their sockets and I shrug at him. What? He’s the one who said they looked flustered, and I want details as to why.

“What? No.” Hunter responds, his voice filled with confusion.

“Theo mentioned that when he walked into your room earlier, you both looked rather flustered .” I wiggle my brows.

Theo kicks me under the table when Hunter glares at him, and I smirk at him. “ Dude !” He hisses under his breath.

“Alright,” Hunter sighs, resting his elbows on the table and rubbing his temple with his fingers. “We kissed, is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Again?” Chase smirks from beside me.

Gasping, my eyes widen. “What do you mean, again? ” I glance at Chase, he in return shrugs and takes a huge bite of his pizza.

“How many times have you kissed her?” Theo swivels in his chair to face Hunter.

“Twice.” He confesses.

“ Twice? ” I squeak, my eyes blinking in disbelief. “When was the first time?”

“After their first date.” Chase’s voice is muffled by the pizza he’s chewing.

Date? What the… “You went on a date?” I hiss, my voice low so Nina doesn’t hear. “You mean to tell me that you—” I point to him. “ Voluntarily went on a date without any form of bribery from me?”

“Yes.”

I repeat, what the fuck?

“When the fuck did you go on a date?” Theo blows out a breath.

Before Hunter can reply, Nina makes her entrance back into the room. Her and Hunter whisper to each other, and I sit there staring at them, blinking in slow motion.

A date. A fucking date. What the hell?

I’d grown up not really knowing who I was, or where I came from. In high school I was too focused on my future with furthering my career in hockey and trying to make it out of the group home in one piece to worry about dating, so it was the last thing on my mind.

But once I made it out of the group home and got a scholarship at Riverside State for hockey, I had time to explore something I’d never experienced before, and that was dating.

I wanted to find someone I connected with on a personal level, someone who’d love me, who wouldn’t care about my past. I wanted someone to see me for me , and not just some hotshot hockey player. Because I was more than that. I am more than that.

After a series of dates that went terribly, it led to me forcing the guys to go on double dates with me in hopes that maybe they’d be better. Chase would always tell me to fuck off when I asked, and Theo would conveniently not be there when I needed someone. So, that meant I had to bribe Hunter to come with me every single time.

But every date I seemed to go on didn’t feel right. I never found a girl who made my heart skip a beat, who made butterflies flutter in my stomach, or even made me think about a future together.

The girls I went on dates with never cared about my dreams, my struggles, or who I was beyond the ice. It was d isheartening to realize that they only saw me as a potential star athlete, not as a person with a past, and a heart.

That’s why at twenty-one years old, I’m still a virgin. I haven’t even kissed a girl before. Don’t get me wrong, I had plenty of times I could’ve done all of it, but I knew the second I saw those girls on those dates that they only wanted me for one thing, and one thing only. And I wasn’t going to objectify myself for them.

I respected myself and them too much to just get my dick out and fuck them. Plus, I didn’t want to be another notch in their belt to brag about. Another trophy for them to flaunt. I wanted it to mean something.

I think I wanted something I never had growing up, and that was love. Someone who’ll be there for me no matter what, someone who’ll understand me. Someone who’ll comfort me when I’m feeling down. I wanted someone who saw past everything, who truly saw me. But unfortunately, that’s not how life turned out for me.

I guess love wasn’t meant for me. Not in my childhood, and certainly not now.

But I can’t lie and say I don’t sit there and think about just saying “fuck it” and finally finding the courage to lose my virginity. Because I have, on several occasions. But I couldn’t just dive right in, I’d end up humiliated and I’d have to admit how inexperienced I am, and in return, she’ll probably laugh in my face.

No amount of porn or research could suddenly make me the next big hot shot porn star. I needed actual guidance, someone to physically teach me. It’s embarrassing to ask that of someone though. To ask them to tutor me in all things sex related. And if I’m honest, I have no idea how to even ask that of someone.

I’ve had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind for weeks telling me that the time is right to begin this new adventure, but I’m scared.

Scared of rejection, scared I won’t find the one to help me…scared of finally losing a piece of me that’s been sacred for all my life. Fuck, I’m scared of more than I’d like to admit.

I know that deep down I’m doing the right thing, waiting for the right person. But it’s hard to hold onto that belief when the world around me seems to be moving at a different pace.

And what if I’m waiting for someone that doesn’t exist? Or more so, what I'm only setting myself up for disappointment?