Page 102 of Whatever It Takes

“Ahhh,” she cries into my shoulder, and I hold her while her toes curl, her back arches. A groan barrels through me, and I milk out a climax that seizes my tendons in a vice.

We kiss and kiss, my lips stinging against hers—it’s going to take heaven and Earth to pull me away from Willow.

I just want this to last. Longer.

Much longer.

How much time is left?

* * *

Sitting side-by-side in bed, naked, wrapped up in the sheets, and eating semi-warm pizza, I stroke her head while she picks off the mushrooms and puts them on my plate.

“I could have made the cheese,” I tell her.

“Supreme is better.” She licks her finger. “I like the olives.”

This, right here, feels normal. Pizza in bed, like the degenerate I am. Can’t even eat at a table. Being together at night should be happening all the time, not just once every four months.

Okay, so maybe it’snotnormal, I guess.

This, right here, is rare. I hate that.

“How do you think we’re doing?” She hands me the plate with the mushrooms. “With this whole long distance thing?”

Terrible.

I shrug. “I miss you, but I think that’s supposed to happen. Right?”

Her knees knock into mine. “Is it supposed to hurt this badly?” Her voice cracks.

I kiss the top of her head. “I don’t know.”

She leans her cheek against my shoulder. “Maybe I should…should I just…I could transfer to Pe—”

“No.” I stop her before she saysPenn.“You’ll be harassed every day by paparazzi.”

“Then NYU, it’s not too far a commute from Cobalt Inc.,” she mutters.

“No,” I say, my chest on fire. I’d love to agree with her. To saysure.Yes. Please fucking come home.But I couldn’t live with myself. I couldn’t wake up with her in my bed, knowing she’s sacrificed something for my shitty existence.

I’m not meant to be fully happy. I’ve known that since I was little and my brothers were shoving me to the ground.

I’m cursed. It’s just the way it is. She doesn’t need to share in this damn thing.

Willow pushes her glasses up with her wrist.

“Wakefield is your dream,” I say. “You have friends there. You have a life. Don’t start over for me. That’s thelastthing I want, Willow.”

“Okay.” She breathes heavily. “But you’ll come out next semester like you promised? I want you to meet my friends and see my dorm and the campus.”

“I promise. I’m there.”

She exhales and takes a small bite from her pizza. “Something cool kind of happened.”

“That’s perfect because I’m in need of some cool. Working at Cobalt Inc. is literally the antithesis of cool. Most of those guys are pencil-pushing pricks.”

Her lips rise. “Well, it’s probably notthatcool. Your expectations should lower a smidge.”