Page 60 of What He Never Knew

Every muscle in my body tensed at the thought, and I curled in on myself against the cramp, shaking my head almost imperceptibly. “I’d really like to rest, if that’s okay.”

“Of course,” she said quickly. “I know you want to rest. I just…” She swallowed, eyes softening as she reached over and smoothed her hand over my arm. I didn’t flinch away like I used to, maybe because I didn’t have the energy. “Did something happen?”

I blinked, swallowing past the knot in my throat.

When I didn’t answer, Aunt Betty squeezed my arm before pulling her hand away. “You know, it’s okay. We don’t have to talk. Just know I’m here if you need anything at all. Okay?”

I nodded. “I know. Thank you, Aunt Betty. And, I’m sorry.”

She smiled, standing with the tray in her hands. “Don’t be sorry for being sick, sweet girl.”

Aunt Betty let herself out, a quietsnickof the door closing letting me know I was alone again.

The fan whirred on, providing the white noise I needed to let my thoughts run wild. They seemed to have more energy than my body ever would again. For a moment, I debated peeling myself out of bed to go to the store with my aunt, knowing it was already Wednesday and I’d have to face the world again sometime.

But the bigger part of me just wanted to live in the solace of my bedroom a while longer.

I sighed, blindly reaching over for where my phone was buried under a pillow. I swiped to my mom’s name, putting her on speakerphone and resting my head again once it was ringing.

“Mwen chouchou,I was wondering when I’d hear from you.”

I didn’t speak, but my eyes watered at the sound of her voice, my bottom lip trembling before I bit down hard to stop it.

“What is it, sweetheart? What’s wrong?”

I squeezed my eyes shut at that, setting the tears I’d managed to hold back free. They tumbled down my hot cheeks, dampening the pillow. “I messed up,Manman. I messed up so badly.”

I cried harder, my mother soothing me from the other end of the phone. I imagined the comforter around me was her arms, that she was holding me and petting my hair — the hair I once had — telling me everything would be okay.

“Why don’t we start from the beginning,” she said once my sobs had quieted. “What happened?”

I sniffed, words stirring in my mind, but I couldn’t bring a single one of them to my lips. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t tell my mom that I was kissed by my piano teacher, that I’d wanted him to kiss me, and that I’d run away from him because the man who raped me was haunting me like a permanent ghost I’d never be free of. I didn’t know how to explain that I felt shame for something that had happened to me, for the way it had permanently scarred me, for the way I’d tarnished a moment that could have been one of the best of my life.

Ever since I could remember, I’d dreamed of being kissed like that, of having a man frame my face and look into my eyes andseeme before his lips touched me. I’d read about romance, watched it on the television screen, but I’d never been sure it actually existed. I always wondered if it was only in fiction, if it only existed within the realms of our mind’s fantasies and creations.

But it was real.

The butterflies I felt around Reese, the way my heart sped up when he was near, the way Ifinallywanted to be touched by someone — no, not by just anyone, but byhim— it was all proof that it was out there. Love. Respect. Desire.

Hope.

Reese had given me my dream kiss, a kiss I’d dreamed about, one I wasn’t sure could ever be reality.

And I’d run away from him.

All because I couldn’t shake my wolf.

Mom sighed on the other end after a moment. “Ah,” she said. “You can’t tell me, can you?”

I sniffed again, wiping at my nose with the sleeve of my hoodie. “It’s complicated.”

“Most things in life are,” she said.

She paused after that, and I wondered why I’d even called. How could I expect her to comfort me, to help me, if I couldn’t even open up to her?

“Can you tell me anything?” she asked. “Doesn’t have to be specifics. But, maybe we can just talk about how you’re feeling.”

I blew out a breath, nodding even though she couldn’t see me. I wanted to try, but I didn’t know where to start.