Page 42 of What He Never Knew

In the process, I’d broken hers, too.

“When you told me you wanted to stay with your uncle and study with this Reese Walker, part of me was worried. Part of me wondered if you’d lose yourself further, if you’d slip away from me even more than you already had.” Though her words were sad, she smiled, her hands floating to heart center as she pressed her palms together. “But, you have soared, my love. Your smile, it’s brighter than I’ve seen it in months. Your eyes, they are wide again with possibilities.” She tilted her fingertips toward me. “You have been reborn,mwen chouchou. And like a baby fawn, you’re trying to learn to walk on very unstable legs. Take your time. Be patient. And know that it’s okay to smile, to be happy.” She chuckled. “Even when you’re falling down.”

Something stirred low in my belly when I thought about it, when I realized all Reese had done for me without even knowing. He didn’t know how broken I was the first day I stepped into his house, or how much I doubted my own self before he even heard me play, before he told me how hard the road ahead would be.

But just like he promised that first day, he was in my corner.

And in my corner he had stayed.

Every day, I strived to see that little spark of pride in his eyes, that quirk at the corner of his mouth when I did something impressive, something he’d taught me. Earning agood job, Sarahfrom him was my new favorite pastime, and it’d fueled me with purpose.

Purpose.

That was what I’d been missing before.

“Now,” Mom said after a moment. “Tell me who the boy is.”

My eyes shot open, heart picking up speed under my ribcage like a locomotive. “What?”

Mom smirked. “It’s not just music making you feel uncomfortably happy,” she mused. “Who’s the guy?”

I tried shaking my head, but my cheeks warmed, betraying my verbal insistence that there was no guy.

Mom just quirked one brow.

I sighed. “I mean… I guess, there kind ofisa guy, but… we can’t… he’s kind of unavailable.”

“Does he have a girlfriend?”

“No,” I answered, picking my nails. “But, he’s just…”

My voice faded, because I had no idea how to even allude to the fact that the one and only male who could possibly be having an effect on my happiness was my piano teacher.

Mom smiled knowingly, rolling off her mat before carefully folding it up. “There are some situations when mothers aren’t the best source of advice,” she said. “Maybe you should call your roommate from Bramlock. I know she’d love to hear from you.”

My stomach twisted, months of unanswered texts throbbing at me like they were alive in my phone. When I’d left Bramlock, I’d left everything and everyonebehind — including my roommate and closest friend, Reneé. I’d stopped posting on social, deleted my accounts altogether after a month, and I knew my mom’s heart wasn’t the only one I broke over the winter.

Reneé was my friend, and I’d blown her off. I’d blowneveryoneoff. But, at the time, it felt like the only thing I could do. It felt like survival.

Fight or flight. And I flew.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that…” I whispered.

Mom’s brows furrowed, but she offered a knowing smile. “Okay. Well, I’m here if and when you do decide you want to talk about it. Until then, try to meditate on it.” She gave me a pointed look. “Actuallymeditate, not overthink.”

I laughed.

“I think it will help.”

“I think you’re right,” I agreed, hand floating up to my crystal. I rubbed the smooth sides of it, thoughts still whirling. “I had a dream about Dad the other night.”

A familiar shade of sadness passed over my mom’s face, one that mine favored more and more the older I got. “Oh?”

I nodded. “I wish he could see what I’ve been working on, that he could hear how I play now.” I paused. “I wonder if he’d be proud of me.”

“Heisproud of you,” Mom assured me, a soft smile touching her lips. “And he does hear you. He’s with us, even when we feel alone.”

I nodded, but my heart ached with the yearning to have himactuallyhere with us instead of metaphorically. I didn’t have the heart to tell my mother it wasn’t the same, but then again, I believed she already knew.