Page 40 of What Did I Miss?

It’s been four days since Beau has looked Makayla in the eye.

With the end of term looming, Makayla, Beau and Cece sit at the communal table in their office, tapping away at their laptops, trying to finish their school reports.

Technically, tomorrow is report writing day, where students aren’t required at school.

But teachers know if they power through their work early, they can enjoy a long weekend, and Makayla desperately needs a few days to decompress.

Pouring her heart and soul out to Beau has had her on the verge of tears every day.

All she wants is to shake it off and pretend it never happened, the same way he is.

‘Nooo.’ Cece shakes her phone. ‘My sister’s cancelled.’

‘Cancelled what?’ Makayla asks, half listening.

‘Do you remember that retreat I told you about?’

Makayla recalls no such thing. She’s been so caught up with her own problems, she hasn’t checked in with Cece. It’s official, Makayla is the world’s worst friend. She closes her laptop to give Cece her full attention.

‘Remind me again.’

Cece shuffles closer to whisper, even though she still hasn’t grasped how to do it properly. Doesn’t matter. Beau’s laser focused on his screen, typing at warp speed. He’s obviously dying to get out of here and away from Makayla.

‘Jimmy booked a weekend away for us in the mountains at a retreat for parents to reconnect. You should see the itinerary. They have yoga with puppies, and daily workshops where you stare into each other’s eyes for an hour in total silence.’

Makayla laughs, assuming that’s the reaction Cece was expecting. It’s not. Her friend continues listing wacky activities with a wistful tone. It might not be Makayla’s cup of tea, but clearly Cece’s looking forward to it.

‘What’s the problem, then? Besides the fact you won’t last ten minutes without speaking?’

‘Hey!’ Cece pretends to be offended. ‘I was supposed to drop Tilly off at Kate’s tomorrow, but her kids have hand, foot and mouth disease.’

‘What in god’s name is that?’ Makayla shivers like she’s at risk of catching it.

‘Rashes and ulcers,’ Cece explains. ‘Of all weekends, they had to catch it now. We dug into our wedding savings for this. I doubt the company will give us a refund with such late notice.’

‘Isn’t there someone else? Grandparents? Don’t they live for sleepovers?’

‘Normally my folks would, but they’re away on a cruise, and Jimmy’s mum is a little too fond of brandy for my liking.

Tilly still has a night feed … I know, I know, she’s too old, but I hate the thought of her crying her little heart out while Carol’s passed out on the couch.

We’ll have to cancel; I don’t have any other options. ’

With everything Cece’s going through, she needs kid-free time with her fiancé and a truckload of sleep. Not even her new glittery glasses can distract from the bags under her eyes.

‘How about I come over to your house and look after Tilly?’ Makayla leans back, waiting for a convoy of thank yous to roll in.

Cece giggles so hard a chorus of snorts escapes. It takes a moment for her to read the room.

‘Wait, are you being serious? I thought you hated little kids.’

Beau’s head remains down, but the clicking on his keyboard stops. Makayla swallows the lump in her throat. The other night, she failed to mention he’s the only person she’s ever told.

‘I don’t hate them. Okay, some. Not Tilly. I adore her.’ Makayla recovers with a merciful smile.

‘Really? Because you’ve never even held her.’

Beau looks up and draws in a breath, putting the last of the puzzle together – Makayla’s best friend doesn’t know about the worst thing she’s ever experienced.

‘What’s going on?’ Cece catches them staring at one another.

‘Nothing.’ Makayla breaks eye contact first. ‘Back to you. I want to help with Tilly, and you need this.’

‘That’s true. I do, but Tilly’s a handful. She’s walking now, or should I say running? And teething. Getting her to sleep is a nightmare. I don’t know if you’d be up for it. It’s a lot to do on your own.’

‘What if I help too? We can take shifts. If Makayla’s okay with that?’ Beau dazzles them with his charming smile.

‘Oooh, I love that idea. Thank you, Beau. You’re a lifesaver.’ Cece leaps out of her chair to wrap him in a hug.

The overenthusiastic display of gratitude pinches at Makayla’s chest. Cece didn’t react that way when she offered to babysit.

They’ve never acknowledged the distance that grew between them when Cece was on maternity leave.

Makayla thought she’d been too busy in her baby bubble to notice, but it seems she did, and this whole time has been thinking Makayla dislikes children, including Tilly.

Is that why it took so long for her to open up about her postpartum struggles?

Not because she assumed Makayla wouldn’t understand, but because she thought she didn’t care?

This weekend will be the perfect opportunity to prove she does and get their friendship back on track. Nothing can go wrong and, as ashamed as she is to admit it, Makayla will need Beau’s help. She doesn’t have the faintest idea how to look after a toddler.

‘Are you both sure?’ Cece asks, probably because she’s just realised she’s entrusting two childless people with her precious offspring.

‘Absolutely. You have nothing to worry about,’ Makayla says, faking confidence.

‘How hard could it be?’ Beau jokes.

‘Famous last words.’ Cece emails them through a ten-page document with Tilly’s schedule, medical history and other information that’s bolded and underlined.

‘What’s next?’ Makayla asks as Beau runs his finger down a never-ending list.

They’re three hours into the first day of babysitting duties and haven’t missed a beat.

Every blanket, cushion and plush toy has found its way to the living room.

Makayla used them to create soft landing areas for Tilly, who’s fallen on her bottom more times than a drunk bridesmaid at a hen’s party.

There’ll be no bumps or bruises on Makayla’s watch.

‘It’s time for a nap,’ Beau says.

‘Thank god. I’m exhausted.’ A rubber ducky squeaks beneath Makayla as she flops onto the couch. ‘Ah, you meant Tilly,’ she says, seeing Beau’s confused look.

‘How about I change her nappy while you look for Mr Bunny?’ Beau whisks the toddler away to get on with the task.

Before leaving for the retreat, Cece warned them that going off schedule – even for five minutes – will throw things out of whack and they’ll suffer the consequences. Sounds extreme. Nonetheless, Makayla is determined to follow it to a T. It’s a good thing Beau is here, because he lives for rules.

Makayla lifts everything that’s not bolted down, searching for the comforter.

The dulcet tones of Beau singing ‘Incy Wincy Spider’ float through the monitor.

Tilly’s unfazed when he messes up a few lines, and awards his effort with claps.

He’s been at ease with the rambunctious toddler from the get-go.

The sight of them together makes Makayla smile.

He told her early on that he wants a family and the whole shebang, and she can see why.

Makayla, however, has made peace with her decision not to pursue that route.

The thought of being pregnant again makes it hard to breathe.

‘Did you find Mr Bunny?’ Beau startles her.

‘Still looking.’

They work together, ransacking the house, but come up empty-handed.

‘We’ll give her this.’ Makayla holds up a floppy dog puppet. ‘She’s too young to know the difference.’

Entering Tilly’s room is like stepping inside a fairytale book.

The walls are covered in murals of castles and enchanted forests.

From the curtains to the change table, everything is blush pink with rose-gold accents.

As specified in Cece’s notes, Makayla turns on the humidifier and yawns on cue as it disperses the sweetness of lavender oil.

Makayla drops the puppet into Tilly’s hands, only to have it thrown back at her with superhero force.

No amount of pretending it’s the most exciting object ever will convince the toddler to take it.

She’s too clever for that. Tilly stands in her cot, shaking the bars harder than an innocent prisoner.

‘How long do you think she’ll do that for?’ Makayla asks.

‘It says here,’ Beau points to the notes, ‘she can’t fall asleep without Mr Bunny.’

Tilly tests her lung capacity and their eardrums with bloodcurdling cries.

‘What do we do?’ Makayla sifts through drawers again, hoping the toy will magically appear.

‘Cece will freak out if she calls and hears her screaming.’ The first hunting mission has already put them ten minutes behind schedule.

‘Sing to her like you did before.’ Makayla snaps her fingers at Beau to perform on cue.

He clears his throat like he’s preparing for an Australian Idol audition and launches into a pitch-perfect rendition of ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’. Tilly drowns him out with her mighty howls, which send Makayla into a tizz. She can’t hear herself think.

‘Pick her up and rock her,’ she says, walking around in circles.

‘We can’t. It strictly states no rocking. They’re practising the self-soothing method and—’

‘Sometimes you’ve got to break the rules, Shepherd.’ She grabs the notes from him and scrunches the paper into a ball to prove her point. ‘I don’t know about you, but I can’t let her cry like that until she tires herself out.’

Beau concedes and lifts Tilly out of her cot. She makes it an impossible task by flailing about like a fish caught on a hook. Tears stream down her rosy cheeks as she stretches her arms out for Makayla, who’s inching towards the door.

‘She wants you. Here.’ Beau holds the ticking time bomb out to her. ‘What’s wrong? You won’t drop her if that’s what you’re worried about. She’s pretty sturdy.’