Page 52 of Waters that Drown Us
“Finally putting all those fucking degrees to work,” she mutters, rollling her neck. Deniz is standing precariously close to her, like he anticipates having to hold her back. Fantastic.
“Before you were kidnapped by Andreeva—which is pathetic, by the way. You let him catch you unaware? Your mother would kill you,” she reproves, frustration evident in every syllable. “Did you intend to tell Alisa Zakharov about The Syndicate of Fate and your mission, and in doing so, jeopardize our operation?”
I don’t look at Bea. She may understand why I did what I did, but she wouldn’t lie to her Matriarch. She’s second only to Clara in her steadfast and undying dedication to The Syndicate.
Instead, I look directly in her eyes. I don’t show fear, because I don’t feel it. If I have to die for the truth, so be it.
“Yes.”
Clara’s nostrils flare, and I can hear the breath hiss out of her in the silence of the room. She takes a few beats and turns to Alice.
“And did you intentionally lure Ilya Andreeva out of Russia in order to poison and kill him?”
“Yes,” Alice replies quickly, not a single drop of hesitation or guilt in her voice.
“Did you realize how ill-formed and ill-fated your plan was?”
Alice bites the inside of her cheek, probably reminding herself that she didn’t survive murdering her ex only to die because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut.
“Yes,” she admits rather ruefully, an annoyed lilt to the words.
Clara takes a few more deep breaths, controlled and careful, like she’s diffusing a bomb. Her own temper, I suppose.
“I would like to make it clear that you are both currently breathing because Bea has convinced me of your utility to our plan, and for no other reason. After Konstantin is dead, you will face the council’s judgement, as our edicts require, Emily. You could still lose your position in The Syndicate. Or worse.”
I nod my head slowly, a little afraid to sayI understandout loud. Clara’s eyes flash, but she turns back to Alice.
“You have proven, at least to Beatrice, that you harbor no loyalty to your father or his people. I hope you know that we trust no one but each other, and that includes you. Everyone in this room will be watching your every move, and if you give the slightest inkling that you are an enemy, you will be killed without question. Do you understand?”
Alice has lived this life before—constantly being watched, needing to prove her loyalty to those who are supposed to protect her. A little flicker of disappointment flashes in her eyes, but she nods all the same.
“Yes.”
The tension in Clara’s shoulders loosens, and the room releases a collective sigh of relief when we realize she’s not about to kill me or Alice. Deniz takes the opportunity to place his hand at the small of her back, prompting her to lean into him. It's small, but I’ve never seen Clara rely onanyoneforanything. It’s strange, like an uncanny valley version of the vicious, hyper-independent badass I’ve always known.
“You know, you’ve really fucked this all up Emily,” she scolds, morphing from Matriarch to cousin Clara in a matter of seconds. She turns to find a chair, and the rest of the Costas and their partners cautiously join her at the table. Charlie gives me a look that clearly saysget over here now, you idiot, so I grab Alice by the elbow and bring her with me. I stick her between Gwen and I, since that seems like the safest open seat.
“I do know that,” I admit, injecting an unfamiliar but honest humility into my tone. “If it helps, I plan on abdicating my position within The Syndicate the moment Konstantin is dead.”
“What?”
It’s not Clara, or either of my other cousins, who voices the question. It’s Alice, whose bewildered face is turned up at me.
“You ran from this life. I won’t survive if you run from me. Leaving is the only choice.”
It was a very simple decision I made on the flight to Tokyo. We both need time to heal from the lies and manipulation we subjected each other to. And to be frank, I knew I had a lot of work to do in order to get Alice to forgive me—work I couldn’t do if I was chasing her around the world as she fled a life filled with blood and victims and countless other horrible things. It might be easy to track her down, knowing what I do about her now, but it wouldn't allow us to fix things. To get to know each other. To forgive and maybe begin anew.
“You know, you really haven’t learned anything, have you?” Alice says, the words and the sadness in her eyes cutting directly into my chest, leaving me exposed and raw.
“Alice, I was trying?—”
“No, you’rechoosing,” she says, cutting me off with my mouth still hanging open. “For me. You know the thing I want most in the world, and you’re denying me the chance to have it because you’re stubbornly trying to control the outcome of us.”
I can’t focus on how everyone else at the table reacts. All I can see is the hurt on Alice’s face, and the guilt that immediately swallows me whole.
She’s not wrong. I want so badly to mold every moment from here on out so I can guarantee she’ll be standing by my side at the end of all this. Because I need her. The very essence of my body and soul is tied to Alice, and I’ve never feared anything more than the idea of losing her. To death, to hatred, to anything.
I hear her words from a few days ago, floating to the forefront of my mind like they were brought in with the tide.This isn’t about facing your fears. It’s about learning that fear isn’t necessary.