Page 49 of Waters that Drown Us
Emily’s hands and feet are still bound, much to her chagrin. Bea was kind enough to help her into the metal folding chair. I think she’s getting a kick out of seeing Emily helpless.
As we cleaned, Emily explained the plan she and her cousins had concocted for me. How she manipulated her PhD program funding so she could research where she knew I was hiding. Her directive from Clara—her eldest cousin and the next leader of their weird vigilante criminal-yet-crime-fighting enterprise—was to get information about my father’s operations out of me and determine if I could be used as bait to lure him out of Vladivostok. She emphasized how she advocated for me to be brought under the protection of The Syndicate, to be told the whole truth and given a choice.
“Exactlyhow muchchoice would I have had if you brought me in?” I asked, pointing the question more toward Bea than Emily. “If she had told me the truth about The Syndicate, and I didn’t want to cooperate, what would have happened?”
She’d assessed me for a few heartbeats before shrugging.
“We may have killed you, though I’m starting to think Emily would have done almost anything to prevent that. Likely, we would have used you against your will to lure out your father.”
Well, at least I can be fairly certain Bea isn’t lying to me.
“It wouldn’t have worked,” I tell them when there’s no more work to keep our hands and minds busy. Emily sits up straighter in her chair, and Bea rolls her eyes. “Using me as bait. My father doesn’t know I’m alive, but even if he did, he wouldn’t risk his own life to save mine. Doesn’t matter if he thought I was a traitor or a victim.”
“What if he thought you were a liability?” Bea asks. The question actually gives me pause. I’d never really thought of that possibility before.
“I don’t know a lot about my father’s operations. Obviously I was aware of his work, and I have had some basic self defense and informational training so I could be a good wife to Ilya, and mother to the heirs we’d produce, but nothing that would make him vulnerable. You likely know him better than I do.”
I shrug, but the strange pit in my stomach is hard to ignore. I’m not even useful to the people who wanted to kidnap me. After all this, the only place I’ve ever had purpose is under the thumb of the men of my father’s empire. It’s a sickening realization.
“You’d be surprised,” Bea replies, her voice a touch more gentle than it's been since I’ve met her. She’s very cold and matter-of-fact, but in a way that feels refreshing and cutting, rather than cruel like Ilya. “Often, a person’s most vulnerable qualities are shared without them even realizing.”
Speaking of vulnerability…
“Bea, would you mind giving us a few minutes?” Emily asks, her expression half grimace, half pleading grin and she stares up at her cousin.
“I would mind, actually,” Bea replies, and I have to choke back a laugh. “You haven’t earned much latitude in this situation, Emily.”
The grimace wins out at those words. Emily’s eyes flicker toward me, conflicted and pained.
“Fair. But I’ll request you don’t tell Clara what you’re about to hear.”
“We’ll see about that,” Bea mutters, turning toward Ilya to check his vitals and eavesdrop.
Emily, still with her hands bound behind her back and ankles to one another, looks nothing short of pathetic as she turns her whole body toward me. Every inch of her, from her posture to the pleading look in her eyes, feels like a confession. I haven’t had to face the riot of emotions filling my lungs, replacing oxygen molecule by molecule. But now, I can’t breathe without tasting bitter betrayal and sweet black licorice.
“I know you have no reason to trust me, but I had a plan,” she says earnestly, rushing the words out like she’s afraid I’ll run from her before I hear her side of the story. “I wanted to tell you everything last night. But then…” She glances over her shoulder at Bea, who isn’t at all pretending not to listen, but is instead staring directly at Emily. “Well, you asked for what you wanted. And I wanted to give you complete control.”
“Don’t make your lies my fault,” I demand, my voice much stronger than I feel. “You lied to me from the moment we met. The only time you were completely honest with me was when there was a gun to your head. You’re right, there’s no reason for me to trust you.”
And yet, I hate that I want to. In the very depths of me, all I want is to trust her. To lay my head on her chest and listen to her heartbeat. To put my tired hand in hers and know she’ll lead me toward safety. To trust that she’ll give me control when I need it, and take it when I can’t handle the weight on my shoulders any longer.
“Please tell me you don’t think that.” She sounds as heartbroken as I am. “I swear, I only lied about the things I absolutely had to. Every time I had the opportunity to tell you the truth, to be vulnerable with you, I took it.”
“And that’s supposed to be enough?” I ask, my voice shaking against my will. I wish I could say it was rage making the words unstable, but it’s something far more pitiful. “I’m supposed to be forgive you for lying through your teeth because you told me you were afraid of the fucking ocean?”
She opens and closes her mouth a few times, and I can see every apology in her eyes. Read theforgive meandplease trust melike she’s written them in her blood on the concrete beneath us.
But she never voices them.
Instead, her body shifts. She straightens her shoulders, all the supplication gone. In its place is the predatory confidence I saw last night.
It makes my skin flash, and my eyes flicker to Bea, who’s leaning against the wall and watching us like a public performance.
“A little hypocritical, don’t you think?” Emily asks, leaning forward in her chair to get as close to me as she can without standing. My instinct is to take a step backward, but I hold my ground.
“Excuse me?” I respond, proud that the indignation in my voice hasn’t been replaced with something more revealing.
“You’re not fragile,” she says, and I don’t know how she makes those words sound seductive, like a siren’s call. “So I’m not going to treat you like you are.”