Page 148 of Until August

“I love you, Cruz Vega,” I whispered. “I love you now and forever. Nothing will ever change that. I’ll be back soon,” I assured him. “I’m only leaving for a little while.”

I pulled away and took a final look, and, at that moment, I didn’t see the man lying on his deathbed. Instead, I saw the man I’d fallen in love with.

I saw his soul, and I saw it with such blinding clarity that for a moment, I stood transfixed, too awestruck to move.

It was so beautiful. Like him. My first true love. I caressed his cheek before turning and walking to the door.

“I’ll be back soon,” I told Dylan.

He nodded once. I had no idea what he would say to Cruz. But I gave them time alone and walked down the hallway with Scarlett, past the Christmas tree in the foyer decked with multicolored lights and red, green, and gold baubles, and out into the chilly December air.

It was only six o’clock, but the sky was so dark it could have been the middle of the night.

“Give me your keys, Nic,” Scarlett said when we stopped next to my Jeep. “You’re in no condition to drive.”

I found my keys at the bottom of my bag and turned them over without protest. My eyes were so bleary that the Christmas lights wrapped around the trunk of the palm tree blurred into one.

We rode in silence, but my thoughts were loud.

For the past week, we’d all been watching over Cruz. Now that the end was near, his room was a revolving door of friends and family. Belinda came yesterday. Drunk as usual. But I didn’t say anything. I just stepped aside and let her say goodbye to the son she’d neglected for most of his life.

Funny how she’d suddenly realized what she was losing when it was too late to make amends.

Luca spent some time with Cruz, as did Ari and a few of Cruz’s friends.

Frankie was notably absent.

My parents came. Only once. Five days ago.

After their visit, they’d dragged me into the hallway and told me in no uncertain terms how they felt about my decision.

In a nutshell, they said I was wrong. That I had no right to play God. I’d remained mute, too tired to argue with them. Of course, I disagreed, but they were entitled to their own opinion. Surprisingly, I hadn’t cried once in the past week. Maybe all my tears had been used up.

I’d wrestled with this decision for so long that I knew it was right when it finally came time to make it.

I finally decided to let Cruz go two years and eight months later than I should have. I did it because I loved him. And it took a lot of soul-searching to get to that place. So I didn’t owe my parents an explanation until I was ready to give it to them.

“I’ll order some food while you’re in the shower,” Scarlett said when we walked into my dark, empty house.

I didn’t tell her that I wasn’t hungry. Or that food tasted like ash and sorrow.

CHAPTERFIFTY-TWO

Nicola

Dylan was waitingfor us in the hallway, outside Cruz’s door, when we returned.

My footsteps faltered.

With one look at his face, I knew.

“No…” I shook my head. “No.”

He bowed his head, not meeting my eye. “I’m sorry, Nic.”

We were gone an hour.One hour.

A wail ripped from my throat. It didn’t even sound human. Dylan caught me in his arms before my knees hit the floor and pulled me against him. I broke free and unleashed all my anger on him. “How could you send me away? I wasn’t there for him. I didn’t get to say goodbye.”